Advice needed regarding ex

[Aspiring1]

I've posted a bit of background in an intro thread, so I won't go into too much detail about our past. Long story short, she is 13 years older than me (though much less mature), we were very close friends for a long time while she was in a LTR, starting when I was very AFC and was a very shy kid starting college. After years of friendship, her relationship failed (it was a really stupid one, btw) and we pretty much immediately hooked up and started a LTR.

We broke up a year ago, initiated by her but I really freakin' needed out. Neither of us were looking to date, so we were effectively acting as emotional placeholders for relationships for the other. No hooking up, though some physical stuff happened frequently that friends don't normally do. Nothing below the belt, if you will . She tried to get back together once to date for two weeks pretty early on, whatever that means.

The problem:

We both fully intended on remaining friends, but she has recently started dating dudes again (I'm working towards the dating thing too) and pretty much has her head up her own ass. She has been ridiculously self-centered and disrespectful. Conversations pretty much end up being her talking about a new group of friends she has and her trying to tell me about dudes she is dating. Way too much detail, I should add. She pretty much tunes out when I talk. I told her not tell me about her dating stuff because I was tired of listening to her blabbing self-importantly, but she has been totally incapable of this and I've had to call her out on it several times. She has pissed me off every time I have seen her in the last month. She keeps trying to guilt me when I don't invite her to stuff I do, but doesn't invite me to any of her social activities.

Normally, I would have already cut the strings at this point, but our social circles are such that even if I did I would still probably see her once every two weeks or so. I've been distancing myself, but a lot of people (including lots of family) will be very pissed off at me if I just sever ties. I've had a similar situation before, so I have seen it.

I've been thinking about just telling her how much of a ***** she has been and giving her a chance to remedy the situation, but I'm worried it will come off like a jilted ex-bf being jealous. I would like to preserve the friendship if possible, but not like it is.

Any recommendations?

 

[Johnnyventana]

Yes, it is simple. Start telling her about other chicks when she tells you about other guys: "That's awesome. That kind of reminds me of Heather, she bla bla bla." She'll hate it so much, she'll eventually shut up. Don't have other chicks? Get some. In the mean time, just make that shyte up! It will have the same affect.

 

[Aspiring1]

Yes, it is simple. Start telling her about other chicks when she tells you about other guys: "That's awesome. That kind of reminds me of Heather, she bla bla bla." She'll hate it so much, she'll eventually shut up. Don't have other chicks? Get some. In the mean time, just make that shyte up! It will have the same affect.

Heh, that would certainly work for that part of the problem. Still though, how do I deal with the disrespect? It is impossible to completely cut ties. I am debating between calling her out about it and hoping for the best, or just laying as low as possible for a few months and hope she pulls her head out of her ass. I'm sure she knows that her life will be dramatically worse without me as a friend (I'm a really good guy to have around. Charismatic, loyal, and whatnot.). Honestly, when we started hanging out she had pretty much no life at all.

 

[Jariel]

She sounds like trash. Why waste your time trying to be friends? You don't owe her anything and why should you make it easy for her when she's not making it easy for you.

The sooner you ditch her the sooner you can move forward and feel happier. If you have to see her, then just keep it civil, but just don't get into any conversations with her. Being cold with her will also make her respect you more.

 

[Pathgen]

I agree with Jariel. It sounds like these conversations aren't fun for you anymore. You don't need to have them. I recently was trying to be friends with an ex of mine. I tried for a couple of years to invite her out when I came to town or to make it a point to talk to her. She was always responsive, but never really as fun or engaging as when we were dating.

Then I realized **** it. I'm not having fun with this person anymore, I don't need to put in all this effort. She even said some disrespectful things a few times at which I just took the mature road and either ignored her when we were with friends or I made a witty remark that was civil back. Nothing insulting. Make her feel like a childish brat for being rude, while your the sophisticated gentleman who handled the comment with class.

With that girl I feel like I've learned that if I start communicating with her, she won't be fun or interesting, so there is no point to it. She may become a frigid *****, when she was someone else entirely while we were dating.

If you want respect you may never get it out of this woman. It's her choice to give you respect and to continue to try and make you jealous with other guys. Don't let her win, by just letting her know that you won't participate in any conversations where she doesn't respect you and that you won't go out of your way to talk to her as a friend if she is just blabbing at you.

I understand you can't cut this person out of your life. So just keep it to a bare minimum. If you run into her great, no big deal. Smile, shake hands, if she is giving you bad conversation or vibes, go find better and greater things to occupy your time with.

 

[Aspiring1]

Sigh... I believe you have it correct. Maybe she will quit being a ***** eventually. You are absolutely right that I don't enjoy the conversations anymore. In fact, I have positively dreaded our last 3-4 meet-ups. She can already sense that something is changing, so maybe she will figure it out before we both completely lose a friend. Make no mistake, this is a person I have valued for many years. She has called me her best friend on a dozen occasions. It is amazing that someone can be so disrespectful to another who has opened so many doors for them and been so supportive, even if she doesn't need me as much right now as she used to. Especially since her high point is probably temporary, given her history with friends.