Advice Needed Please!

[GhostWriter]

Hey guys, so my girlfriend is currently a bartender finishing up her undergrad.
She gets a lot of business cards from men b/c she's physically attractive.

Today, she tells me she's going to start a job tomorrow (and for the first time flakes for tonight) in a completely different field from the degree she is studying right now.

Obviously, you can't just jump into corporate tax or financial statement analysis if you did not study accounting/finance.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that my gf has this job opportunity, however I think we all know this guys intentions. I asked her if she applied (me playing dumb), she told me it was from a guy that frequents her work place often.

I played it cool. I said great, congrats on your job. Don't worry about tonight, just rest up for your first day tomorrow (early).

However, I feel really uneasy about this situation.
Is there anything I should say or do?

Give her space and distance myself? Fully support her on this job? Or just act really indifferent about the whole situation..

Thanks guys, any advice is much appreciated.

 

[Johnny Danger]

If the details you're giving are the facts of the situation, ie she seems to have gotten a semi-professional level job with very little effort, than you've got some red flags worth taking a serious look at.

Ask yourself if the relationship is healthy enough to approach her with your concern honestly (and with tact).

Otherwise, you may consider doing some research on the company and position she's been selected for. YOu could ask her what her official job title will be. Maybe a phone call or a search online to see what the normal qualifications are for that job or jobs similar.

Please take this commentary more for ideas and questions to consider rather than advice. This is a complicated situation and you're going to have to listen to your gut.

Best of luck

 

[GhostWriter]

Thanks for the reply.

I do not feel the need to research the company, I'm pretty sure It's a legit firm. However, the last time I checked, the requirements for becoming a corporate tax accountant are indeed in fact a bachelors in accounting or finance.

My gut is telling me...

Me knowing that her boss is going to hit on her everyday makes me angry. If he tries to pull a "business dinner" or something out of work alone and she accepts, I'm willing to walk away.

However, I'm trying my best to avoid that situation. I do not want to become the jealous controlling boyfriend here.

Whenever guys hit on her, she tells them she has a bf and doesn't give out her number to guys. She's a great girlfriend. Granted with only 4 months of exclusive dating, I know she is definitely a prospective long term partner.

Her taking this job has made me lose some respect for her. Just thinking about it makes me feel like an AFC though.

I suppose I just need some guidance...

 

[Johnny Danger]

I really don't see anything AFC about your concern, don't beat yourself up for "thinking about it." If the facts you have are accurate, then, yeah, it's normal to see this as a sketchy situation, I'm saying this as a single guy, not invested emotionally at any level.

Here's another thought to throw around, again to be considered within the context of your particular relationship: ever hear of a "**** test"? It's in the nature of women, especially attractive women, to test you at times and see how you'll react in certain situations. If you're a student of pick-up/don juan etc, you may have developed a tendency to play it too cool at times when showing some concern and emotion is actually justified. A little jealousy is ok. I would even say MUCH more preferable to no jealousy.

Again, you need to follow your instincts, but I'm just going to throw this out there: you have a legitimate concern, ask her about the job, the guy, ask calm, smart and reasonable questions and don't be afraid to show a little emotion, just don't lose control. And keep it in the back of your mind that you're strong enough to walk if need be, but you value the relationship.


Best of luck to you.

 

[vatoloco]

Hey guys, so my girlfriend is currently a bartender finishing up her undergrad.
She gets a lot of business cards from men b/c she's physically attractive.

Why isn't she declining them? Hopefully she's dumping them into the nearest trash can after her shift is over...

Plus she's a bartender?

Today, she tells me she's going to start a job tomorrow (and for the first time flakes for tonight) in a completely different field from the degree she is studying right now.

She didn't tell you about the possibility of this new job? You mean to say that she just found today that she's getting a new job? Plus she flakes? Uh-oh...

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that my gf has this job opportunity, however I think we all know this guys intentions. I asked her if she applied (me playing dumb), she told me it was from a guy that frequents her work place often.

Never a good sign.

However, I feel really uneasy about this situation.
Is there anything I should say or do?

Yes. Get ready to get dumped soon. Feels to me like she's ready to swing to a new branch. If I were you, I'd go sarging tonight and pick up a few numbers (or a pussy or two).

 

[GhostWriter]

Well... she has been giving me all of the business cards so far. I just give them back and tell her to throw them away.

However, she is looking for a professional job since she is graduating soon.. Which I completely understand, but I'm not rationalizing her behavior one bit.

I technically can't get mad at her for that, but I am concerned that she took a job in a field she has no experience in with a guy that is evidently trying to hit on her. I know she's not oblivious to this situation. She didn't even have to go to an interview.

Apparently she just got hired today on her lunch break. She counter offered to go out tomorrow night, but I told her I'm going be busy (Which I truly am). I moved my plans around to take her out this evening, so I'm not going to do it again tomorrow.

Johnny and Vato, you two have always given me solid advice.

She is sending me texts right now. I didn't answer any of them so she called, I couldn't help but to act detached. She knew something was on my mind and asked me what's wrong. I said nothing is wrong, I'm fine. However, I'm pretty sure she knows what's up since when we talked earlier. I asked questions like...

"Oh, what position are they putting you in?"
"Is this the first time he's been there?"
"So he just gave you the accounting job on the spot?"
etc...

I guess the question I'm asking is...

Is it completely AFC and unreasonable to expect her not to accept this job knowing the objective circumstances?

How many of you would walk away if this happened to you?

I really wanted to speak my mind to her tonight, but I've learned to speak without speaking. If I tell her I think this is very sketchy, she could say it's just a job, you should be happy for me, blah blah blah...

Everything was going great before this happened. She'd initiate texts and calls every day and use terms of endearment. We had sex as often as possible...

Vato, I've read your last piece of advice. I'm trying to decide if her constant contacting this late is b/c she is feeling guilty or truly thinking there is nothing wrong with this picture.

Either way I'm not cool with this situation, so I guess I have no choice but to take it or leave it... right?

 

[3countriesPlan]

Your girlfriend has sold her integrity to some fool who can provide for her in the form of giving her a job. Living off that guy will play with her psyche alot.

As someone beneath him he will command a dominating presence in front of her and she will and already has come to depend on him for income, he is her pillar not you. In this economy she can lose you but cannot lose him. Think in terms of dollars man, the ship is going down so put on the last life jacket and prepare to bail out.

 

[GhostWriter]

Hrmm... I see...

I'm so ruffled I had to go work out and clear my mind. Now that I'm a bit more rational, I think you guys are all right.

I'm still in college as well, It's my inability to be a provider. Maybe I just got out played. I need to become so alpha that this will never happen again.

I'm going to study harder, work harder, get into the best damn shape of my life.

This can never ever happen again. I won't let it.

 

[perseverance]

Talk about overreacting. If you're that insecure then finish it. I'd wait to see how things pan out. I agree with you that her getting a job straight off the bat without an interview would make me sit back and say "hang on, something doesn't seem right here". However, that wouldn't lead me to thinking she is going to leave me, dump me or cheat on me (at least not yet). When she starts the job, if she starts taking ages to get ready for work, more so than for her other job. If she starts going out for business lunches/dinners with this fella, if she starts staying behind after work hours to do "overtime" then I would just cut her off, I wouldn't even bother to tell her she's dumped, I'd just cut her off completely. You're young and don't need this unnecessary drama from any woman and seeing as it's only been four months you should have no problem getting rid unless one-itis has really set in?

 

[SgtSplacker]

Really good advice here so far. If she is not really qualified for that job then she has no business being there other than to get hit on, or taken out to lunch and made passes to. She is degrading herself by playing into something like this, she knows it and so does the guy that's going to be all over her even more now because he will loose respect for her.

I would contemplate the differences in her qualifications and what the job requires. Sit her down and talk to her about that discrepancy and express your dissapointment in her. "I thought you were going to college so you could stand on your own two feet? make a living with your brain not your tits" I would distance myself just a little bit and at the first sign of her spending any time with that guy outside the workplace, tell her you need space and start seeing other people. Don't even look back on this one at this point. She has probably been suggestive with this guy for some time now...

 

[vatoloco]

I'm still in college as well, It's my inability to be a provider. Maybe I just got out played. I need to become so alpha that this will never happen again.

I'm curious. How old are you both? What are you studying?

 

[bruceartest24]

Not to be negative but I had a really good college friend who got a job like that in an accounting firm. She loved it happy hours and get togethers and her manager invited her to his apartment drove her in his porsche...got her drunk and had sex with her. Big note she was married....they offered her full time offer and she left because she felt that this would not stop.

 

[GhostWriter]

She is 22 and I'm 25 finishing my 2nd degree in accounting. She is finishing hers in marketing with a minor in finance.

She called me today, and I probed questions about her new job. Apparently they are going to train her but not directly from the boss man himself. They have about 20 other employees.

Even after acting distant last night, she still text me sweet things this morning (I didn't reply)

I had to step back for a bit to see this situation objectively.

So far it seems somewhat legit. She also said that she will do some administrative work on the side while she completes her training. She also quit her job at the bar.

Despite her efforts in making me comfortable and re-assuring everything is strictly professional, what else can I do?

I've already decided to gain a bit of healthy detachment towards her. I'm just going to focus more on me (study, work, gym, etc...) and less on what's going on in her life. Sometimes I forget that she's with me because I'm the best thing that's happened to her. Not the other way around.

I'll proceed with caution and should any other options arise, I will not deny or refuse them.

I've already told myself that any dinner or drinks with the boss means immediate and instantaneous ejection. I'm not even going to tell her, I'm just going to delete her and disappear without a trace if it happens.

Who knows? Maybe he will invite her out to dinner and she will tell me that she refused b/c she wanted to spend time with her boyfriend and it wouldn't be appropriate. I could use this situation to my advantage... if she does that, then I know I have a keeper.

Besides this incident, judging by her actions she has an extremely high interest level. She's never denied sex, cooks and cleans, initiates contact every day, etc...

Alas, I will remain skeptical and on my toes. She's walking on egg shells but doesn't know it.

In the mean time... continuous self improvement and re-enforcing my inner alpha.

Thanks for all of your responses, if you have anything else to add I'm open ears.