Advice needed on what to do next, please help

[TheDoctor]

StonZA, no offense but you need to grow some (stones). I have gathered that you are a quite, shy, nice guy who is slightly intimidated by women, espcially very attractive women. No one on this board means to disrespect you but the old heads here at SS have seen this over and over and over again. You need to listen. When 10 guys give you advice and certain key points are iterated in each one of their posts, this should click in your head. This should make you wonder why different people are telling you the same thing.

BECAUSE THEY WHOLE-HEARTEDLY BELEIVE IN WHAT THEY ARE TELLING YOU AND IT IS TRUE, OTHERWISE EVERYONE WOULDN'T BE SAYING IT.

You need to take action to not get put into the friend zone. You don't want to become the shopping buddy, the nice-guy who has coffee with her on Saturday mornings, the fellow that helps her with her computer problems, etc. You need to let her know that you are interested in her. She already knows it, BUT YOU STILL NEED TO MAKE IT CLEAR. Once she sees you have stones enough to make a move, this gives you some credit, not much, but a little.

Read the DJ Bible (click the link at the bottom of this page) and soak in the points it makes about being a man. You don't have to be some rico-suave player to make this work. You just need to drop the AFC behavior and be confident in yourself.

You need to convey to her that you are a strong, independent, confident man that isn't afraid of his sexuality. It's ok to want to kiss her or sleep with her. Women know it and they expect it. When you don't display this "want" it makes you lose value. Don't ask why, that's a question for KX or Rollo. Anyway, when you don't display the common male behavior that women are accustom to, then you get dropped to the friend zone, you are seen as non-threatening to them or better yet, even weak and scared.

Women don't want weak or scared. They want strong and confident.

Re-read some of the advice above. You need to ask her out, make it clear that you want a one on one date with her. Take her on this date and let her know that you are interested in her. Don't walk away from this date with only a hug, kiss her. This let's her know that you don't want to be "just a friend."

Good Luck Man

 

[Rhoto]

does it really matter if I kiss her now, or wait a month to 1.5 months before I do it, and just keep taking her out and not making a move ? Nah ah...

Are you being serious? "Risk it all" - what exactly are you risking? One chick? Or your self worth?

Stop being a boy. Act.

 

[TheDoctor]

I just hope she doesn't slap me or pull away during or afterwards

If she does then you will have an answer to your undying question. You will then know for sure that she isn't interested. This will ultimately give you satisfaction because then you will no longer waste your time and thoughts with this chick, you will be out there looking for another.

If she doesn't slap you then you will be on your way towards "something" with this girl.


The funny thing about success is you will never realize it unless you reach for it. Success and failure go hand in hand. Anyone that has had success in anything has no doubt been met with failure as well.

Taking that failure and learing from it, using it to fuel the fire of success within us, that's what makes us men.

 

[StoneZA]

StoneZA, no offense but you need to grow some (stones). I have gathered that you are a quite, shy, nice guy who is slightly intimidated by women, espcially very attractive women. No one on this board means to disrespect you but the old heads here at SS have seen this over and over and over again. You need to listen. When 10 guys give you advice and certain key points are iterated in each one of their posts, this should click in your head. This should make you wonder why different people are telling you the same thing.

BECAUSE THEY WHOLE-HEARTEDLY BELEIVE IN WHAT THEY ARE TELLING YOU AND IT IS TRUE, OTHERWISE EVERYONE WOULDN'T BE SAYING IT.

You need to take action to not get put into the friend zone. You don't want to become the shopping buddy, the nice-guy who has coffee with her on Saturday mornings, the fellow that helps her with her computer problems, etc. You need to let her know that you are interested in her. She already knows it, BUT YOU STILL NEED TO MAKE IT CLEAR. Once she sees you have stones enough to make a move, this gives you some credit, not much, but a little.

Read the DJ Bible (click the link at the bottom of this page) and soak in the points it makes about being a man. You don't have to be some rico-suave player to make this work. You just need to drop the AFC behavior and be confident in yourself.

You need to convey to her that you are a strong, independent, confident man that isn't afraid of his sexuality. It's ok to want to kiss her or sleep with her. Women know it and they expect it. When you don't display this "want" it makes you lose value. Don't ask why, that's a question for KX or Rollo. Anyway, when you don't display the common male behavior that women are accustom to, then you get dropped to the friend zone, you are seen as non-threatening to them or better yet, even weak and scared.

Women don't want weak or scared. They want strong and confident.

Re-read some of the advice above. You need to ask her out, make it clear that you want a one on one date with her. Take her on this date and let her know that you are interested in her. Don't walk away from this date with only a hug, kiss her. This let's her know that you don't want to be "just a friend."

Good Luck Man

TheDoctor thank you for responding to my post in a decent way. Not that the other guys didn't, I can't see that the majority of them have been members here for a long time and speak from great experience.

I'll grow a pair in the next 36 hours and like the Nike slogan says: "Just Do it!"
I'll do what you guys suggested and let her know how I feel, and definetely kiss her, no questions asked. Its time to become confident and to trust myself,and live a little on the edge to make things interesting.

 

[romangod]

I'll grow a pair in the next 36 hours and like the Nike slogan says: "Just Do it!"
I'll do what you guys suggested and let her know how I feel, and definetely kiss her, no questions asked. Its time to become confident and to trust myself,and live a little on the edge to make things interesting.

Don't let her know how you feel! Less talk and feelings and more action!


Cheers!

 

[TheDoctor]

I'll grow a pair in the next 36 hours and like the Nike slogan says: "Just Do it!"
I'll do what you guys suggested and let her know how I feel, and definetely kiss her, no questions asked. Its time to become confident and to trust myself,and live a little on the edge to make things interesting.

There you go! You don't have to profess your love for her, just subtle hints that you want to be more than friends. A touch here, a smile there, etc.

It's ok to be confident and live on the edge a littel so to say. Look at it this way StoneZA, you really don't have that much to be afraid of. If she isn't interested then she will tell you and you will move on. This happens every day all across the world.

A trick I have used in the past. Throughout the day, throughout the date, say to yourself, "I'm a confident man, I'm a confident MAN!" This will keep your head where it needs to be.

Good Luck

 

[StoneZA]

Don't let her know how you feel! Less talk and feelings and more action!


Cheers!

Soz my bad, accidently included that part. Ok, only action. full stop.

 

[decades]

you're too nice. be more of a jerk.

 

[Warrior74]

I hope you don't talk to women in the same formal way you type. Sounds like you need to learn to relax more.

 

[window]

this is so classic...I'd say you needed to plant one on her after that coffee date. I'm not sure she can drop any more hints than she has. One thing I've learnt is that THE biggest mistake a guy can make is thinking he'll scare her off by being sexual with her (even if just kissing) to soon. There'll be a period of time that she'll be open to you sexually and if you're are not aware of this she'll pretty much close up shop.

 

[NewMan]

Let me ask you another questions.

When you think of being with a woman - do you think of being with a woman that - physically takes care of herself; Get's a manicure and pedicure; has great sense of style and dresses well; cooks and knows her way around the kitchen; has caring instincts? - or would you prefer the opposite - a woman who is not at all womanly, but rather bland - sexless if you will???

So then, what do you think women want in men? A man who will protect her? take care of her? lead when he needs to? provide? be the hunter? - be a man. Or someone who is scared of all of these things?

Your taking charge - your ability to go get want YOU want (in this instance her) and to He11 with the circumstances - this all demonstrates your manliness - your ability to survive and exist. These manly qualities are attractive to women for these exact reasons - that's why the A-hole get's the woman - The 'Nice guy' is to afraid to take what he wants - and this sends a liud message to women.

Be the Lion, not the Zebra.

 

[StoneZA]

FFS, I'm in a rut, sent her a text more than 24hours ago and still haven't heard anything from her...sigh... I'm soo pissed off, and negative, that I don't know what to think or what to do anymore.

Its possible that she could just be really busy, or she could be playing hard to get, or she could be testing me. I'm not going to give up on her, its exam time for her and obviously I won't impose on her to go out, if she should've rather been studying.

I have taken to heart what you guys have said, I'll be the lion, not the zebra, I'll go over to action, I just hate the way I'm feeling now..its not nice, but if I haven't heard anything by noon from her tomorrow, then I'll give her a call and find out what's going on.

Please don't tear me a new one again, I know what I have to do...

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

You are *beginning* to entertain the right thoughts in your conscious mind, but you will not change until your conscious thoughts seep into your unconscious mind. It takes time and a helluva lot of perseverance.

In this situation though, giving up on her is your only recourse. When they give you the run around, you do not run around; you say in so many words "This is what I want, if you won't give it to me to hell with you." That is what they respond to my man! Now if you had done things right from the beginning, I would not have to give you that advice.

 

[jophil28]

When they give you the run around, you do not run around; you say in so many words "This is what I want, if you won't give it to me to hell with you."

IF she is playing the "hard to get "game now, he is likely to play right into it by trying to entice her back. Flowers, hallmark cards, sweet phone calls, romantic candlelight...and she will go along with it all because she is getting her ego pumped up and free everything .
THEN when she is tired of his fawning, he will hear those famous words ..." LJBFs ".

I think that every guy like him who posts here asking for advice needs to crash and burn with some woman who presented as the "women of my dreams" before he is willing to take the collective wisdom on this board.

You see, we have all made these AFC mistakes at least once.


I was a natural bad-a$$ for 25 years until I met 'HER' three years ago and then my inner AFC kicked in and she played me for a year as I auditioned for her.SHe lied to me all along and cheated on me and eventually threw it all in my face because she knew that I worshipped her and valued her above myself. I learned the hard way.

To the OP, a lot of what you read here will seem harsh and selfish and even cruelly self-centered. IT will contradict what you believe about attracting a woman into your life... but the guys here are not dogging on you because it makes them feel good they are doing it because they have all done at least some of what you are doing and it failed.
The advice here may come off as simplistic and even crude to a "sensitive" guy like you BUT it is being given to you because we want you to succeed with women.

WE are on YOUR side.

 

[WhtRbt]

StoneZA

I've been there man. I know how you're feeling, but everyone here KNOWS what is happening and it's true that you have A LOT TO LEARN.

I know it feels like Mr. Me. really ripped you apart but everything he said is SPOT ON.

What you should do is start devouring this website like crazy. Read everything. Also read THE SYSTEM by Doc Love. It is some of the best money you will ever spend. Read the entire DJ bible.

What will happen is the more you read and read and gain all of this knowledge, your whole view of the world will change. You will think about things completely differently. You will become a new man.

About this girl... accept that this relationship has about a .00001 chance of working out, and don't get too attached. You can continue to pursue her however you wish, and when you realize that it's not gonna happen, just delete her number and then come back here.

You are very lucky. Most men will never know the things you are about to learn. Good Luck!