Advice Needed from Experienced DJ's ONLY

[Wodan]

Ive been seeing a girl for two months now, 1 month into seeing her i made her my gf and this morning i recieved this text message from her (about 13 hours ago).

'Hey Seb i feel really sh*ty doing this over a txt bt i dnt think i can be in a relationship there is still feelings there for my ex! think i just need to be single for a while! and i dont want to do anything that will hurt u but im not strong enough to be in a relationship! U deserve better than me! im so sorry hate me if u want i understand!'

ill elaborate on the situaiton some more.

I didnt really want to be in a relationship with her, probably just because it didnt seem like the right time with other things that were going on but then i made her my gf because i knew she took things very seriously.

Telling me stories like how she only has sex with a bf and that the previous 2 just became her bf to have sex then left.

The day before i recieved this text i had a change of heart and was thinking to myself why im glad im with her.

My analysis would be that her x wants to fvck her again and that she's fallen for the sob story. Her mind must be pretty much made up to send me that message.

I have not replied to her message, im split between ignoring her untill she contacts me or ringing her tomorow or something.

Advice appreciated guys but really if youve never had a serious relationship b4 or have never been in this situation before dont bother replying, it wont influence my decision and it will be obvious.

 

[( . )( . )]

What advice? This is textbook stuff. Her interest level wasnt high enough, just move on......The End.

Advice appreciated guys but really if youve never had a serious relationship

That wasn't a "serious" relationship.

Telling me stories like how she only has sex with a bf and that the previous 2 just became her bf to have sex then left.

And you listened? You didnt even laugh it off and ignore it?

My analysis would be that her x wants to fvck her again and that she's fallen for the sob story. Her mind must be pretty much made up to send me that message.

Who gives a sh!t, she's a distant memory, go fvck ten other women.

I have not replied to her message, im split between ignoring her untill she contacts me or ringing her tomorow or something.

For goodness sakes have some love for yourself, just leave the poor b!tch alone.

 

[TheBaconator]

I agree with the above post. I don't know what you're looking for in advice, sounds like the girl still has it for the ex and doesn't have enough interest in you, and there's nothing u can do about that. Just move on, don't contact her and expect the same.

 

[Entropy4]

I didnt really want to be in a relationship with her, probably just because it didnt seem like the right time with other things that were going on but then i made her my gf because i knew she took things very seriously.

This is your problem, you're letting her set the terms, the context and letting her LEAD. You're a man. You're supposed to lead.

Telling me stories like how she only has sex with a bf and that the previous 2 just became her bf to have sex then left.

This is a bunch of horse ****. Don't ever fall for this again.

 

[Wodan]

What advice? This is textbook stuff. Her interest level wasnt high enough, just move on......The End.

That wasn't a "serious" relationship.

And you listened? You didnt even laugh it off and ignore it?

Who gives a sh!t, she's a distant memory, go fvck ten other women.

For goodness sakes have some love for yourself, just leave the poor b!tch alone.

I didnt say it was a serious relationship, i simply wanted advice from people more experienced than me.

I ignored it yes.

look your making out im obsessed here, ive spent every other day with her for the past 2 months so ofcourse im going to think for a moment over something like this. Im not dragging heels and desperate to keep it going.


The last time we were together i expressed more intrest in her in than in the past, so she thinks she's got me there even if she's not tied down to me. She's wrong though i wont be contacting her.

 

[Wodan]

Only the night before she was telling me she wants me to come round for dinner at her parents and meet them, so you can see why im confused by this guys.

 

[( . )( . )]

She's wrong though i wont be contacting her.

Excellent, simply because there are just too many chicks out there that are missing out on you, you have to share your awesomeness around, it's only fair.

At the end of the day your the man with the plan and the golden hands. You got no time for time wasters. Am I right?

Get busy.

 

[Scars]

She was doing you a favor honestly. She knew there was still feelings for her ex, and she didn't want to hurt you just incase something happended. She probably just saved you a whole lot of time. Be thankful. It's not the end of the world, and it's not game over either. Just stay cool and act like it doesn't phase you too much. Think about it in a mindset as you are better than this guy, and she just needs a little time to realize it. And if she doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be man. There's other fish in the sea.

 

[Wodan]

This thread went quite off topic, I didnt let her lead me whatsoever. Its just i had conflicting advice from friends.

1 said to not bother contacting her, the other said ring her, and another said meet up with her for a chat.

I would like things to continue between me and her but ill be looking elsewhere now and i dont know if ill contact her or not. I expect i wont.

 

[Prodigy746]

I didnt say it was a serious relationship, i simply wanted advice from people more experienced than me.

I ignored it yes.

look your making out im obsessed here, ive spent every other day with her for the past 2 months so ofcourse im going to think for a moment over something like this. Im not dragging heels and desperate to keep it going.


The last time we were together i expressed more intrest in her in than in the past, so she thinks she's got me there even if she's not tied down to me. She's wrong though i wont be contacting her.

Thats your problem right there. she is sick of you...u spend too much time w her and you are needy.

 

[PrinceBeavis]

OP's a wanker. That's just my "Inexperienced DJ Opinion." Sorry I wasn't good enough to advise you on basic common knowledge...Wanker.

 

[Jeffst1980]

You already said you didn't want to be in a relationship with her in the first place, and I'm sure you acted accordingly around her to begin with.

Suddenly, you flip the script and start acting really into her as a reaction to her falling interest levels.

You had all the power and then you gave it away by agreeing to her terms. You weren't congruent and now she has buyer's remorse.

This has happened to me in the past--I got attached to a girl I didn't even like all that much...just because she went from being high interest to low interest...that stuff will mess you up!

Really, though, it's just ego. Don't contact her, you'll forget about her in a couple of weeks, and she sounds like a wack job. Breaking up over a text message?? what a classy gal.

 

[Guybrush]

Sebastionay, I am relatively new in this forum too, but I have been reading it for a while before I joined and now I certainly have a feel for what's going on in here.

you should have a thick skin and stop being defensive on the advice that's given to you.

I am older than you, I have had serious LTRs before, thus I am more experienced than you. SO listen up :
Remember that advice means somebody's time and the more mature (or experienced) the DJ is, the more valuable his time will be. So most of the time, people like Mr. Tits will try to get to the core of the problem because

1. ) They don't have enough time to elaborate on details on such relatively trivial cases

2. ) These matters have been extensively discussed in this forum and you haven't done your homework.

So; whenever you see criticism, take that with a grain of salt. Wait a while. Read it again. Try to detach your ego from your logical thinking. Being able to UNDERSTAND what's being said without getting your ego hurt is an extremely important skill you should acquire even in the beginning. I hope this post will penetrate your barriers and you'll understand what I am saying.

Don't expect these people to be your affectionate MOM or DAD. These people here will MOST OF THE TIME make sense, and give solid advice.

Now after this piece of advice, about your topic:

No matter how intimate YOU feel you are in this relationship, your feelings (apparently) are not reciprocated. It's best to NEXT her at the moment.

There are two VERY GOOD reasons for this:

1. ) She rejects you for her ex - and she's clearly not WORTH your attention.

2. ) Nexting your first "serious" ( remember it's YOUR serious relationship, not mine, not some other guy's) relationship will BOOST your confidence.

Since you are very young, this would eventually happen anyway, and if push comes to shove, don't miss the opportunity. It's a skill that even mature men cannot master - so it's very good to start early.

The trick is to amputate her ONCE AND FOR ALL - once you have made your decision.

THere's no going back when you make your FINAL decision.

Make up your mind and do it bro.

And don't take criticisms personal, it's the BEHAVIOR and MENTALITY that are being criticized here, not your personality.

Cheers!

 

[Wodan]

Thanks but alot of the advice given here is guess work where people couldnt possibly know if they were right or wrong, and when wrong it offends the person.

like prodigy trying to tell me that im needy and others telling me i let her set the terms. I stated clearly that i made her my gf not the other way around, she didnt state any terms.

Also her intrest levels continued to rise as i stated she asked me to meet her parents the night before this text, and i got her to give way and do things when she tried to say otherwise, afterwards she was fine about it.

An example would be she insisted i wear a condom then after a while she agreed and said she prefers withought.

As i said in an earlier post i think that when i expressed more intrest it must have given her the impression that she can get away with more, resulting in this.

Thanks anyway to everyone thats tried to help, Its clear that you guys think its best not to contact her and i wont.

And as for some people reacting negativly to me asking for experienced people to reply only, this forum is swamped with guys that dont have a clue but love to give theyre opinion, im only trying to filter some of them out from the thread.

 

[Guybrush]

Thanks but alot of the advice given here is guess work where people couldnt possibly know if they were right or wrong, and when wrong it offends the person.

like prodigy trying to tell me that im needy and others telling me i let her set the terms. I stated clearly that i made her my gf not the other way around, she didnt state any terms.

Also her intrest levels continued to rise as i stated she asked me to meet her parents the night before this text, and i got her to give way and do things when she tried to say otherwise, afterwards she was fine about it.

An example would be she insisted i wear a condom then after a while she agreed and said she prefers withought.

As i said in an earlier post i think that when i expressed more intrest it must have given her the impression that she can get away with more, resulting in this.


Thanks anyway to everyone thats tried to help, Its clear that you guys think its best not to contact her and i wont.

And as for some people reacting negativly to me asking for experienced people to reply only, this forum is swamped with guys that dont have a clue but love to give theyre opinion, im only trying to filter some of them out from the thread.

If you want to take the best out of this forum and share your opinions, I am going to suggest the same thing one more time. Firstly, The advice given here is NOT entirely guess work, it builds up on the picture you are drawing about your relationship. And never underestimate the power of experience. Experienced people could tell your whole relationship by just looking at a few aspects of your story. The advice you receive here is probably the best - with no better alternatives.

You do not STATE whether you set the terms in your relationship - on a forum where you ASK questions and SEEK advice. You DEPICT the picture and people tell their opinions. They INFER the dynamics from your picture. Hey man, you are taking it personally. Don't do that. That's the biggest mistake. Don't cut yourself loose - at your stage that might be a path back to the AFCville. You have potential. You have found this resource. Just get along with it, see these people as your older brothers. It'll be harsh sometimes. Don't criticise people just yet. Even the people you are calling "guys without a clue" might be ahead of you in some sense. Don't judge too quickly. It's not necessary.

Maybe you were being needy. And yes, it looks like she set the terms in your relationship (for instance,she's the one who decides to break up right?)

That's perfectly normal. Everybody was needy at some point. Everybody is coming from the same background. We share our past. There's nothing embarrassing about it.

Stay tuned, be positive, listen up ( of course, adjust the advice to your frame since you are the one who's actually living in it ! ) , make the final decision , and finally get rid of your EGO when it's necessary...

Keep us posted !

 

[Max Power]

The last time we were together i expressed more intrest in her in than in the past.

That might explain her sudden drop off in interest

 

[mcs]

simply the girl got enough. so she started to miss her ex not you! always keep the distance, don't be too eager. there might be little chance that she starts miss you when you back off for a few weeks and remind her yourself with short and funny email or txt. i've gotten some success with that. and look around all the time!!

 

[Wodan]

My plan has worked well guys, she rung up an hour ago in tears and histerics. She explained that she was incredibly drunk when she wrote the message and didnt even remember that she sent it till a few hours later when she was in work. She went on to say that im the best guy she's been with and she wouldnt want to lose me and still wants to be with me

I told her 'lets just be friends, and that ill think about whether or not i still want to be with you, because i respect myself too much to be with a girl that messes me around' (as u guys know i do want to be with her... just want to punish her and get the most out of this situation haha)

ill make her wait a few days, she's already explained that she really wants to make it up to me. (ill think of something adequate haha)

 

[3countriesPlan]

This girl was never over her ex. Girls words should also not be trusted.

Her text means "I'm done playing around with you"

I suggest you don't reply. If she calls, tell her calmly that her choice has been made have a nice day then end the call.

As you said you were thinking about why the fvck you were with her anyways... time to go back to the single life..

She loves her ex. her ex is into her.. you banged the crap out of her for awhile.. you win.

 

[Wodan]

Guys I opened this thread to try and have a broader view on things, not to try and offend any of you.


My friends that happen to have had gf's that have stuck by them for years gave me conflicting advice to eachother, and theyre advice was different to all the advice you guys are giving in congruence here.

I should have included in the post that ive read the book of pook a few times along with finger's posts and many others and it effects my decision making process an awful lot.

Your saying im not in controll right after ive posted that she's desperate to have me back, Ive told her that i need to think about it for a few days because i dont know if i can forgive her (if thats not an example of ME in controll i dont know what is)

Ill ellaborate on my circumstances furthermore, I dont think she's the only girl in the world for me, i like having sex on tap from a girl that puts alot of effort into pleasing me. And id rather have her available to me untill i find a better replacement.

And i find that im alot more succesful cheating on a gf than trying to get a girl when single. So i do want to maintain this situation (I can imagine someone replying to that, that it makes me needy and desperate, not really because i have other contacts, im just aware that she's the least effort at the same time as being one of the best looking in my phonebook)

Im not certain where this will end up, if i had to guess i would say that i end up with an even stronger hold on her than before.

She told me that she 'does have some emotional feelings for her x but who doesnt after theyve left theyre first LTR', I replied that the same happened to me as im sure does with nearly everyone in the world, that i followed emotion before logic for weeks after which only highlighted negative emotions and feelings for me and now in heindsight when i look back, i regret it.

I said that im guessing thats most likely whats going on with her and she agreed. She said she will follow common sense and go for the guy that treats her well instead of the guy that wasnt intrested and treated her like sh*t.

Ofcourse as you guys are keen to push forward she could well be lying, I happen to think though that i have an unbiased view, I cut off what little emotion i had for her after that text.

And i dont believe she is lying, I do however think she is holding back and pretending that alcohol has effected her memory. I think she kissed him when she was out, and that the guilt from that spurred on the message.

thats one thing the two friends Ive confided in and theyre girlfriends all seemed to think withought me mentioning also.

I will meet her in a few days time and once i think ive got her to go out of her way enough to impress me by lowering herself after worry herself plenty over the next few days i will tell her ive decided to have her back, this is because i can be myself around her and have fun. I really dont see the point in throwing away a girl over this.

She's 18, im 21. She's done something stupid and she regrets it, I know id never marry this girl but its a useful experience for further interactions with women in my life in the future.

A hobby of mine is psychology/bodylanguage anyway, Ill be sure to raise certain questions about the text and im sure ill get a strong impression of whether or not she is lying from how she responds.

Thanks for the feedback so far, Ill keep the thread updated.