I am unhappily married for 12 years. I found Rollo’s book a few years ago, and now I am here.
I work with a woman that (I believe) is sort of unhappily married as well. She was on and off with the father of her daughter for a long time (even after she had her daughter) and finally they recently married the guy. My take is that if she really wanted to marry the guy, she would have earlier. We are getting older, and I think she wanted her daughter to have a father. He is short, fat-ish, and he makes less than her. She is a HB7, and he is overachieving with her. However, he is a decent man that is a good father. Also, they are black. That doesn’t matter to me, but given where we are, I think the list of candidates that might be a good father to my co-worker’s daughter is very limited, plus he is the actual father, so I think she settled.
A few years ago, she made a comment to me that it was too bad I was married. I am taller than her, white (not that it matters), I make more than her (she knows this), and I am hwp/ athletic, as I work out regularly. Since then, we occasionally go to lunch together at work. At first, it was her, another co-worker, and me. It then moved to her and me. When I ask her to lunch, she has never turned me down, even though she often brings lunch. I once stopped asking her for awhile, and she asked why I stopped, so we have gone a few times since. At lunch, conversation mostly sticks to work stuff. She never talks about her husband. I never talk about my wife.
Last week, I was in a zoom meeting with a bunch of people and her. We (me and my female co-worker) were sending some texts back and forth complaining about the meeting. She said that we wanted to drink and have big dinner and desert.
I sent her a text after her desert remark that said, “Vanilla Ice Cream?”
I could see her laugh on the zoom call. She writes back, “With caramel.” Caramel is approximately the color of her skin.
I write back, “Swirls can be fun.”
She responds with a heart emoji.
Notwithstanding that fooling around with a married co-worker is likely the height of risky behavior. Given the risk involved, if you were going to move this forward, how would you try to escalate this?
My thought is asking her for drinks after work and trying a little kino to gauge her reaction. Other than telling me not to do this, do you have advice for my bad idea?
T
I work with a woman that (I believe) is sort of unhappily married as well. She was on and off with the father of her daughter for a long time (even after she had her daughter) and finally they recently married the guy. My take is that if she really wanted to marry the guy, she would have earlier. We are getting older, and I think she wanted her daughter to have a father. He is short, fat-ish, and he makes less than her. She is a HB7, and he is overachieving with her. However, he is a decent man that is a good father. Also, they are black. That doesn’t matter to me, but given where we are, I think the list of candidates that might be a good father to my co-worker’s daughter is very limited, plus he is the actual father, so I think she settled.
A few years ago, she made a comment to me that it was too bad I was married. I am taller than her, white (not that it matters), I make more than her (she knows this), and I am hwp/ athletic, as I work out regularly. Since then, we occasionally go to lunch together at work. At first, it was her, another co-worker, and me. It then moved to her and me. When I ask her to lunch, she has never turned me down, even though she often brings lunch. I once stopped asking her for awhile, and she asked why I stopped, so we have gone a few times since. At lunch, conversation mostly sticks to work stuff. She never talks about her husband. I never talk about my wife.
Last week, I was in a zoom meeting with a bunch of people and her. We (me and my female co-worker) were sending some texts back and forth complaining about the meeting. She said that we wanted to drink and have big dinner and desert.
I sent her a text after her desert remark that said, “Vanilla Ice Cream?”
I could see her laugh on the zoom call. She writes back, “With caramel.” Caramel is approximately the color of her skin.
I write back, “Swirls can be fun.”
She responds with a heart emoji.
Notwithstanding that fooling around with a married co-worker is likely the height of risky behavior. Given the risk involved, if you were going to move this forward, how would you try to escalate this?
My thought is asking her for drinks after work and trying a little kino to gauge her reaction. Other than telling me not to do this, do you have advice for my bad idea?
T