advice for an email answer

[micams]

Hi all.
I would like some advice on an answer for an email.
I've met this girl HB at a party full of people 3 weeks ago.
I talked with her only for a few times and for short periods with a
lot of interruptions: fat guy dragging her and following her
especially when I come to speak to her, she behaved also like a social
butterfly talking to different people, breaking conversations fast, etc.

What's good for me in this situation is that I know very well a girl
that came with her at the party. Also the friend we'll call HBFriend
has a crutch on me and wants me to go out with her although she never
said it to me directly but only through hints. So I think the social
proof will help me here a lot.

I managed to get her email address just before she leaves.

My first mail to her 2 weeks after(I'm in the process of learning how
to write successful emails with good languaging and mini patterns, all
my attempts with sending suggestive poetry in my first emails have
always been unsuccessful).

NOTE: English is not my mother tongue and the emails below are
approximate translations.

hello.
I am xxx, our meeting in the party xxx was pleasant and without
giving you the impression to be too serious, too early, I learned how
much it is rare to find someone funny, authentically sympathetic, nice
and charming… but enough about me, you seem to be also a potentially
interesting girl;-)
By observing you that evening, I noted that you were rather
sympathetic and smiling. At the same time, you showed some reserve
when in contact with new people.
It is as if there is an interior conflict in you between a natural
reserve and a desire to connect with others.
You know, with me, you can feel at ease, be completely yourself
without needing to play a social part or without having fear of being
judged.
The tolerance, the open mind ness and the compassion for me and the
others are paramount values which guide my way of being, thinking and
acting.
Could you describe me one of your passions?
You know one of these activities in which you feel yourself completely
transported, completely absorbed by what you do, where time seems to
be slowing… until…it stops and where you feel the spirit, the flame in
you that shines. And it is in one of these moments, that you feel
yourself more alive, that you feel the most passion and that you are
more in contact with the spiritual force which is with each one of us
and which then appears with the most clearness and beauty.
For me, I am fascinated by literature and in particular by poetic
creation.
If you like also poetry, we could exchange poems and give our
respective impressions.
Answer me,
xxx.

Its answer the following day.
-----------------------------------------
thank you for your message,

but,

how did you have my email?? you know, I spoke with many people that
evening… what had we discussed about, at which moment of the evening???

unless knowing some really more about you, I am sorry to say to you
that I will not be able to take action on this message,

HB
------------------------------------------
My proposal for an answer (your comments are more than welcome)

Hello HB,
I will tell you how I obtained your email.
I was in my work and I felt hungry so I said to myself that it was
time to take a chocolate bar. I thus move towards the vending machine
and there…
suddenly,
I discover a new brand with a play contest allowing me to gain a DVD.
Being curious and a gambler, I hurry to choose this new brand and by
taking this chocolate bar in my hand, I scrape the small gray window.
In front of my amazed eyes the characters of your email address appear
then!
Fortunately I possess a crystal ball and divinatory skills, that
enables me by magic and occult operations to succeed in seeing you
that evening and to discuss mentally with you.
It allowed me also to learn some about you, your character, some of
your personality tarits, I even felt a certain telepathic connection.
I also understood that you were with HBFriend(I do not know if your
amnesia concerns her too).
With the help of HBFriend you will be able to recover part of your
memory and know more about me since we know each other rather well and
since a long time.
Until your next message,
xxx.
PS: I'm aware that you are feeling slightly uncomfortable. If however,
you take a great inspiration, you stop and you relax, you will be able
to imagine that it is possible to see you in the future,
comfortable, at ease, relaxed, glad and happy to have chosen to
continue this conversation while being optimistic, curious and while
having allowed the future to give you a new opportunity.
PPS: As you can see it, I am somewhat of a dreamer, sensitive,
enthusiastic, my mind filled with unbound imagination, ideas and
visions of all the possible futures and all the good that they promise.
PPPS: Contrary to the story above, I obtained your address by asking
you a little before you leave the party with HBFriend. I could not
resist the temptation to tell you a new variation;-)

 

[bigneil]

We need a one-page limit on these posts. Does anyone really read 3 pages just to offer advice?

 

[micams]

do u think my proposed answer is good? not scary?

 

[Morphiex]

wtf

i read some of the lines in the email and i was like is this guy for real ??? ...

the mail sounds like your applying to a job , youve already given her the creep feeling , you should just give up on this one and keep it as a learning experiance ....

the lesson : dont be a dweeb on emails , dont make it sooo effing long , and dont make yourself an item for her to approve...

read the bible boy....

 

[tryin 2 play]

Morphiex is right, you sound wayyyyyy to creepy and weird in your emails. I understad this isnt your first language, but nonetheless, it just sounds too odd. Your lines are rediculous. To be talking to a girl in this manner, a girl you do not even know, is just plain weird. Dude, just b more chiled, more relaxed. This humor your trying to get across does not show in an email, posiibly because she doesnt know you. You should have made a better impresson at the party.

Also, it sounds lke your trying too hard and trying to get too much info from her over an email, wait till you actually go out with her once to get some info. You gotta relax, man.

 

[micams]

To Morphiex

So what should I do?
Just send a casual mail.
She's setting the "I'm the prize" frame and "I do not remember you", she even implies that I "found" her email by a sneaky way.
So as I have learned the best way to counter is interrupt her process and set a new frame(for ex you have an "amnesia" disease, are you ADD? etc).
I think that's the way to not fall in her-win I-lose frame.
I cannot accept her frame.

 

[Rata Blanca]

I think 2 weeks was way much time!
And yes you should keep your messages short try to get the phone numbers aswell

 

[Bussey]

LOL, Oh man, this is the greatest post I've seen in so long!!!! That was too funny man! Damn you read that 'Comedy WRiting Secrets' way to many times lol.

Scrap the girl, she's done lol.

 

[micams]

My new proposition. Guys comment please.

Hi HB,
Thanks for your answer.
It’s funny when you say I spoke to too many people to remember each one of them or perhaps any of them.
Perhaps you’re a victim of the Spontaneous Late Party Amnesia Syndrome. But you can keep faith as some researchers are in the process of learning more about this mysterious disease.
You see, sometimes, it’s better to speak to only a few people for a longer time thus gaining the possibility to develop some level of connection and interaction with them.
As for your email address, I didn’t get it from an email marketing company ;-)
In fact, I just asked you for it when you were leaving the party with HBFriend.
We spoke to each other during the party at various moments in the latter part. I also talked with your friend HBFriend, she’s a good friend of mine and I met her few years before.
As for me, I’m a very curious guy that is fascinated by life, knowledge and positive diverse experiences.
Each moment is for me an opportunity to learn and grow in awareness, spirit and joy. I lead my life toward new discoveries, emotions and adventures.
I enjoy developing strong and meaningful connections with interesting, deep and open minded people.

Until your next message,
xx.

PS: You haven’t answered my question yet. So you’re invited to do it now.

 

[afc_2_dj]

Thanks for your answer

I

Id' remove this, I don't think fits in personal chat, its the kind of thing I'd use in response to a query from a potential client.

It’s funny when you say I spok... [snip] ... level of connection and interaction with them

I'd drop this, I agree with above comments on how the humor may well not be conveyed as you dont really know her, and in fact the bottom part may be taken as a critisim

As for me, [snip] open minded people.

I'd drop this too, it doesn't feel right in this type of conversation at tis point, its what you'd write in an annoying dating site email.

Drop the PS as well, its sounds very pushy and demanding.

I'd keep the middle bit, including the email marketing chirp, maybe comment on something funny or remarkable that happened when you where chatting to her, and if something stood out about you bring that up, as in:

You don't remember me?!? Not likely, I don't think you could forget me, I was the one in the clown suit!!

My 2c!

 

[micams]

good advice afc_2_dj.
But if I drop all you mention, I'm left with a 2 line email ;-)
Too short.
Unfortunately I didn't remember any interesting fact during the conversation. In fact the conversation wasn't really good as I had difficulty to establish a good one with her, she was distracted and continuously interrupted.

 

[afc_2_dj]

I don't think thats a bad thing! And I think others will support me on that.

Theres no need to write essays, if you were on the phone or bumped into her in the mall you wouldn't spout a novel, you would chat briefly on how you know each other before moving into other conversation.

I'd see this mail exchange as exactly that, small chat to establish your mutual link, then you can move into longer converstations, tho personally long "get to know you" email conversations irritate me and I'd move to get to see her in person asap.

 

[Bussey]

Micams... here's your problem, you are trying WAAAYYYY to hard to be witty and interesting... its obvious you're trying to hard and so you come off as weird and creepy.

This is what I'd say to her, short emails are better... save long email topics for real life conversation.


Example

Hey PartyGirl,

How could you not remember me? Come on Princess, I'm disappointed. Well, I'm going to 'such and such coffee shop' tomorrow from 5-7 with a girlfriend of mine, show up, say hello. You'll remember me when you see me.

Ciao,
Bussey