Advice columnist on young couple -- good article

[WestCoaster]

Carolyn Hax is a pretty good advice columnist, especially for a woman. She's not always right, but most of the time she's pretty spot-on, calling people's B.S. on relationships.

This is a good one on a 24-year old guy who is getting pressured by his gf to get married ... and the gf is having problems with this guy having a social life.

Some lessons to be learned:

1. Never spend your college years -- the only time in life when you'll have a plethora of hotties at your fingertips -- with one woman.

2. Never get engaged in your early 20's.

3. Don't listen to a woman who is nagging you ... especially at age 24.

4. Cut your ties ... again, especially at 24.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/10/19/AR2006101901541.html

 

[resilient]

Yeah, she seems like a control freak. Who know's what else she could become like after the wedding. Bossing him around the house so much that he retreats to the garage for some alone time in serenity. They're both way too young to get married IMO as well.

He made a big mistake by talking to her on the phone everyday too. He should have been calling her once a week and avoid drama talk on the phone by keeping it light and funny.

What's weird also is that usually it's the guy who's the obsessive jealous manipulator and not the woman. :crazy: He shouldn't let her guilt keep him under lock and key.

 

[WestCoaster]

What is it about men in their young 20's who want to settle down so quick ... and I was one of them, I just wised up and didn't pull the trigger. But I thought I had to be tied down then, I had oneitis and would get dumped and get oneitis all over again. (This was pre-internet, pre-sosuave.com.) I find this a strange phenomenon ... in one's 20's you have the world on a string, yet most men I know blow it by settling down early.

Too bad sosuave.com and the DJ Bible are mostly unknown.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo West,



If my memory serves me correctly, when I was in MY early twenties I wanted to settled down quickly too. Maybe not so much marriage yet, but DEFINITELY a steady girlfriend.

Back then it was because I was dealing with so much rejection from hot babes that when I FINALLY bagged one, I was of that old ONEitis mindset that said "Dude, you better HOLD on to this one because she's the BEST you've ever had...and you may NEVER get one better than her!"

I think that mindset came from ignorance of the true nature of women, which caused me to put them on a pedestal. Also, lack of confidence in who I was and what I brought to the table at the time. And lastly, that mindset came from me not KNOWING what I really wanted in a woman.

Gladly, I've improved on all of those mindsets over the last 20 years. But I still DO want to eventually pick a good chick that'll add even more value to my life. But here's my reasonings these days:

1. I've sampled enough women to KNOW what they are REALLY like. Babes AREN'T innocent, sex angels like I thought they were. Who knew?? LOL

2. I've lived enough life to know far more about WHO I AM as a man and what I bring to the table. I am far more confident and self-controled and challenging than I was so many years ago. I now recognize and REMEMBER that "I am the prize" far more often NOW than I used to. Thank heaven for progress...

3. As a more mature man, I now KNOW that women are not, nor ever will be my "HAPPINESS". It took me a looooong time but I'm coming to grips with the reality that women can only add or subtract from my life-----they should never BE my life.

So, in closing, I think that early twenties Oneitis alot of time is the result of DESPERATION stirred up by relationship ignorance, woman ignorance, and ignorance of self.



Peace...one day.

 

[dietzcoi]

Good post Victory and Westcoaster, as usual

My story is identical to yours - I was completely AFC and desperate and lacked self-confidence - except I did pull the trigger and get married. I would have been better off shooting myself with my shotgun instead.

But, my life is finally getting better now

To anybody in thier 20s reading this: Do not get married until 30 at least!!!

That should be a law on the books in all countries.

DIetzcoi

 

[ElChoclo]

Dietzcoi, you have softened your views on marriage? You now envisage it as a viable lifestyle? I hope you haven't been sniffing your shotgun's bore solvent to the point where it has affected your judgment.

 

[Latinoman]

I married VERY young too. But I have no regrets. In my case, was a great decision as I'm now alive. I had a very good marriage and a great wife and two great kids.

But...I also managed to be a playboy too. I couldn't help it. It was something that most males in my family did in their younger (some even older) years. So...it was kind of "normal" to me...until I grew up (30s) and changed. In another words, I had quite a bit of women too.

However, in my case I made sure to NEVER hurt my now ex-wife on issues such as dealing with other women. Still, looking backt he behavior from my part was repugnant and a clear indication of insecurity (e.g. men that cheat does that out of insecurity).

In my 30s, I changed my behavior. Became more focus on my career. And eventually ended up leaving her for reasons unrelated to women and more to the fact that I didn't see our future past another five years. Simply our goals shifted considerably. Tough decision, but one that I had to made. Rather give her the chance to happiness NOW than 5+ years in the future.

Would I do it all over again (marry young and have kids young)? Yes. But my case was a unique one. I was into the path of self destruction and my then wife and daughter saved me.

My "wife" NEVER tried to control me. Something that my now girlfriend is trying.

 

[dietzcoi]

Elcholo

No, I have not softened my stance on marriage!!

But, since I know 90% of men WILL marry, I think we should at least advise them to wait until they are 30 and also be very, very careful who they marry.

I did neither of these things and took a really bad hit in my life.

But, I am now almost done with child support and soon will have regained some freedom of maneuver.

I try to avoid sniffing gun solvents and other types of illegal intoxicants... beer is enough for me!!

Dietzcoi

 

[ElChoclo]

Ah yes, child support. Maybe it should just be handed to the kid. At least we then know that it made it to the place it was supposed to go.