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advice column: My wife makes 65% of my salary. She wants me to pay her student loans. How should I respond?


Master Don Juan
May 3, 2013
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I can’t read the article but I work on the basis that you should have similar amounts to save each month.

I didn’t operate this way with my first wife as we didn’t have kids. Once a woman has borne you a child, I work on the 50/50 principle. Marriage is sharing, essentially. If you want to remain significantly wealthier you will get hammered harder in a divorce - plus,you incentivise the divorce.

I want a happy and solvent wife. I don’t need much stuff personally.

the better off I make my wife, the more I guarantee the survival of our family, a stable home for our kids.

now, this is because I earn more. If we earn the same we go 50/50 but I earn 4x what my wife earns. If you don’t want to share, don’t get married as eventually it will get to 50/50.

if you are both wealthy at the divorce you have less to lose. Plus if you work to make your spouse wealthy she has less reason to shaft you.
I can imagine a host of “beta provider” comments but it’s just called being the dad.

I don’t pay for luxuries and shyt but I pay the bills. Her money is her own and often she’ll spend it on me or the daughter.

would I pay off her debts? I prefer to cover the living costs and just say it’s up to her how she spends her money.

again, blue pill but the reality is, when she was taking 2 years off work with the pregnancy and young kid, she lost ground in career. This is the trad husband deal. You cant have your cake and eat it.


Senior Don Juan
Aug 29, 2021
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Husband should ask himself this, if he made 65% of her salary. Would she pay his student loans?


Master Don Juan
Jun 13, 2016
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I've been there...

Depends if she has more "off work" time , and if she is also being a mother. We don't know enough about the situation to lay out the allocation of expenses.

Assuming they are DINK's, she should then do 35% more housework/chores than the breadwinner, and Contribute 40% to the non discretionary fund for household expenses, while Hubby covers 60% of NDF's (rent/mortgage, insurance, groceries, debt repayment ) The same allocation should stand for savings (60/40) Her student loans should be 100% her responsibility and part of her Allocation for NDF.

If she has to parent on top of working she is actually contributing more unpaid hours to the household. Hubby better either hire household help or put his apron on. Especially if the child or children are under 7 years old. Quid pro quo has no place in that equation because your kids mindsets are being formed at that time and if she doesn't nurture them then then Therapists will be doing it later.