advice column: Am I Settling if I Marry My Best Friend I’m Not Attracted To?

[mrgoodstuff]

“The problem is that I have zero attraction for him. The thought of him touching me is repulsive to me.”

That is the key right here. Yes, for some women they develop attraction for a man they already know, but this isn’t the case here. This is a woman who wants to access the resources of a long time male friend/ orbitor without making any effort because she has no other males who are willing to provide that. She is now settling for this agreeable sap who won’t be a bother to her.

She’s lazy, selfish, and inconsiderate. I mean what man in their right mind would want to invest one second into a woman who tells him that she’s not sexual and doesn’t want to have sex. No straight man that’s for sure lol.

She would be better off finding some rich closeted gay man who wants to have a wife as a front.

Yes. Men needed to hear this.

 

[AJ84]

So the game used to attract me. Now it does not after cheating me so many times and all the bullshyt. My view has changed. The same thing cant happen to her? The "new" is no longer interesting amd exciting.

I get what you’re saying and that’s true for some women but I don’t think that’s the case here. This is a woman who probably isn’t attracting a lot of men or attracting the wrong kind of men for what she wants. And she’s now desperate.

If she moves in with him and a week later meets a guy who can offer all the same stuff as her friend and she is attracted to that guy, she will dump her friend.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I get what you’re saying and that’s true for some women but I don’t think that’s the case here. This is a woman who probably isn’t attracting a lot of men or attracting the wrong kind of men for what she wants. And she’s now desperate.

If she moves in with him and a week later meets a guy who can offer all the same stuff as her friend and she is attracted to that guy, she will dump her friend.

He cant offer the history and reliability. That trust takes years. If she keep making superficial choices though hell keep getting screwed

 

[Ranger]

Here’s a thought. What if she pair bonded with a guy at 18 and became a widow when he dumped her. Every man since would not be her first choice and will never stack up. Ever.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Here’s a thought. What if she pair bonded with a guy at 18 and became a widow when he dumped her. Every man since would not be her first choice and will never stack up. Ever.

Not sure.

 

[Ranger]

Not sure.

No man would ever be enough. At least until she found a very powerful man. Never for most.

 

[Ranger]

She would compare every other man to her ghost.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

No man would ever be enough. At least until she found a very powerful man. Never for most.

What if the pair bond was a bunch of bad memories?

 

[Ranger]

What if the pair bond was a bunch of bad memories?

I can’t answer that. If she is comparing a new man to the pair bond I would think that it’s an emotional memory attached to feelings that she has lost her only soul mate.
Of course it’s not true. But I’m not a woman and I don’t think it’s important. I have no faith in therapies. I firmly believe it’s incurable. But I’ve been wrong before.
However if a man was searching a way through the morass to find something that could be salvaged, he would be sealing his fate. Like the alcoholic or drug user, he won’t see the rest of the world outside of himself until he reaches the bottom a wrecked mass. Just an opinion of course.

 

[BreezyB84]

Why Breezy?

1. This female never states reasons for multiple break ups and her lack of instability.

2. He is weak as **** if this is true.

 

[Ranger]

1. This female never states reasons for multiple break ups and her lack of instability.

2. He is weak as **** if this is true.

I was just wondering. I didn’t know if you expected her to be honest in stating her reasons or not.
Expecting a fish to be a bird in this situation doesn’t compute.

 

[ohrein]

You guys need 2 realise that what she did is perfectly normal under the circumstances she is currently at.

Every single women on this planet who is in a similar situation will default to the same.

The feminine imperative will push women into making that choice - the beta provider.

As for her not being attracted to him is simply because he does not display strength. Deep down in her subconscious, she knows he will not defend her or her offspring's when push comes to shove when there's a predator around. Even a mere physically weak woman can do this to him, how else can she expect him to defend her/family when there's an intruder ?

You're on the money as usual. I see this exact situation all the time to varying degrees. Hell, I have a female friend doing exactly this right now. Myself, my girlfriend and some other friends all agree there's an underlying weird vibe to their relationship and that the guy, while seeming like a nice dude, has a creepy vibe. It's funny how much women pick up on this stuff that plugged in me would have missed over a decade ago. But same thing, they've been friends for over a decade, he has basically been a provider straight up. Driving her around, giving her money, buying her stuff. The worst part is she sh1t tests him constantly and you can tell she has zero respect for him. She is sleeping with him but she's told me she is very unsure about this relationship going the distance, even though she knows he's madly in love with her.

I've almost given him my copy of the rational male but I can't guarantee he won't paint me as some red pill creep to everyone if I do, so I've tried to drop hints to him and put on a bit more of a show with my friend, my girlfriend when he's around to see the funny/*******/respect vibe I get. I'll offend and piss off women and have them laughing and in the palm of my hand a few minutes later. Don't think he's really getting it though. Blue pill conditioned to the extreme. It's sad and I'd love to help him in any other situation cos he does seem like a nice dude. Worried he's gonna go postal or something...

 

[E-Man-Cipated]

I did this...Ten years later and I’m now divorced.

My excuse was that I was young and didn’t think I could get anyone hotter and everything else was good - except the sex and romance parts...

Divorce is the best thing I’ve ever done!