Tontholis30
New Member
- Joined
- Jun 8, 2010
- Messages
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First off... I am new to this discussion board. I found this site completely by accident.. Well maybe not.. was looking for suggestions on some woman issues and BAM.. I am enjoying this site.
Anyway... in my new found attempt to achieve DJ status I was out experimenting with different techniques. Failed and succeeded. Was fun.
Here is my current confusion..
My "female" friend has a sister to whom I met about 2 months ago.
Immediately I was interested. But the problem then was she recently broke up with her alcoholic BF and was just confused so I kept a little distance... I sent her a few tidbits through email..
And whilst I was still an AFC I was doing some of the things that I normally do.. Trying to be understanding person... Anyway.. I randomly got this email from her the other day about how can two people, one doesn't drink and one does coexist? So I gave her my objective opinion on the situation.
And asked her what she was trying to get at.. here is the response to my email..
"Well I was wondering for a few reasons.. If the ex decides to sober up how would be be able to coexist? I couldn't be around him drinking while telling him not to! Its almost like a double standard. Also I have this on going friendship with an ex. We dated when we were teens. We used to drink together. Over the yrs we kept in touch but not always on the regular. So for maybe the past 4yrs he's been sober. This situation seems harder for me! We used to drink together now he's sober... How is he judging me?! I feel guilty drinking in front of him while I just want to be myself. He never says anything bad about it... Out loud! How can I make it more comfortable for both. I care for him and respect his decision. How to make it all work? Oh and finally... U probably already guessed it.. U? I thought it would have been cool to invite u out for meres b day! But I figure bars are the #1 no no! Help me set the record straight! Maybe there are a lot of misconceptions out there?.. Or maybe I just think too much? "
So me.. I am already thinking into it.. does this mean she is starting to get an interest? Or is she just wanting someone to hang out with... So I am not sure if I played my cards right, but I responded.. BTW.. I don't drink...
my response
"I am going to save you from yourself right now.
1st off... The Ex that is still drinking... If he decides to sober up, and that is a BIG IF, then he has a lot of work cut out for him over the next year and being in a relationship will not be one of them. If that situation is to work out.. then it will be a long ways down the road, because he has to do many things for himself to be able to give back in a relationship. Best to let him go figure out what he needs.. I know it isn't easy but it is the truth.
2nd. The guy that you used to drink with and is now sober.. It is up to him to make up his own mind what he is willing to do or not to do. It should not be your problem because he has made a life choice for himself. If he wasn't ok with it.. he would tell you. If he is similar to me.. he isn't judging you at all. Take me for example.. I would prefer to be with someone that was a "normal drinker" than with someone who was sober. The only thing you can do to make it comfortable for both is to be ok being yourself. If he isn't comfy around you than that is his issue.. not yours. So don't feel bad about anything.. just be you.. A man will like you for the person you are...
3rd.. lil ole me.. Personally.. I think that would have been really fun. Treat me as a normal person because that is what I am. I don't need to be treated any differently than anyone else.. I am a grown man and know what I can handle.. I have many things that I enjoy doing where drinking is involved.. not by me of course but the reality is, it's everywhere... And anyone that wants to hang out with you and spend time with will be ok with you just how you are... I have tried to invite you out too.. so obviously I am not bothered..
So in short.. Yes you think too much..
Just be happy being yourself and you will attract people that enjoy being around you.. Why you ask?? Because they like you for who you are... be happy with that, not guilty.. "
and dont worry guys this is almost over....
This morning I got an email from her...
it was simply this...
"Hey can I get ur # again? "
Alright.. now.. My DJ skills are obviously very little.. and I wanting to proceed correctly at this point instead of falling into that "Friend" place...
So.. should I just not say anything to her till she calls? Or what would be the next move I should make.. and yes.. I bailed and gave her my number...
Save this AFC.
~Tontholis
Anyway... in my new found attempt to achieve DJ status I was out experimenting with different techniques. Failed and succeeded. Was fun.
Here is my current confusion..
My "female" friend has a sister to whom I met about 2 months ago.
Immediately I was interested. But the problem then was she recently broke up with her alcoholic BF and was just confused so I kept a little distance... I sent her a few tidbits through email..
And whilst I was still an AFC I was doing some of the things that I normally do.. Trying to be understanding person... Anyway.. I randomly got this email from her the other day about how can two people, one doesn't drink and one does coexist? So I gave her my objective opinion on the situation.
And asked her what she was trying to get at.. here is the response to my email..
"Well I was wondering for a few reasons.. If the ex decides to sober up how would be be able to coexist? I couldn't be around him drinking while telling him not to! Its almost like a double standard. Also I have this on going friendship with an ex. We dated when we were teens. We used to drink together. Over the yrs we kept in touch but not always on the regular. So for maybe the past 4yrs he's been sober. This situation seems harder for me! We used to drink together now he's sober... How is he judging me?! I feel guilty drinking in front of him while I just want to be myself. He never says anything bad about it... Out loud! How can I make it more comfortable for both. I care for him and respect his decision. How to make it all work? Oh and finally... U probably already guessed it.. U? I thought it would have been cool to invite u out for meres b day! But I figure bars are the #1 no no! Help me set the record straight! Maybe there are a lot of misconceptions out there?.. Or maybe I just think too much? "
So me.. I am already thinking into it.. does this mean she is starting to get an interest? Or is she just wanting someone to hang out with... So I am not sure if I played my cards right, but I responded.. BTW.. I don't drink...
my response
"I am going to save you from yourself right now.
1st off... The Ex that is still drinking... If he decides to sober up, and that is a BIG IF, then he has a lot of work cut out for him over the next year and being in a relationship will not be one of them. If that situation is to work out.. then it will be a long ways down the road, because he has to do many things for himself to be able to give back in a relationship. Best to let him go figure out what he needs.. I know it isn't easy but it is the truth.
2nd. The guy that you used to drink with and is now sober.. It is up to him to make up his own mind what he is willing to do or not to do. It should not be your problem because he has made a life choice for himself. If he wasn't ok with it.. he would tell you. If he is similar to me.. he isn't judging you at all. Take me for example.. I would prefer to be with someone that was a "normal drinker" than with someone who was sober. The only thing you can do to make it comfortable for both is to be ok being yourself. If he isn't comfy around you than that is his issue.. not yours. So don't feel bad about anything.. just be you.. A man will like you for the person you are...
3rd.. lil ole me.. Personally.. I think that would have been really fun. Treat me as a normal person because that is what I am. I don't need to be treated any differently than anyone else.. I am a grown man and know what I can handle.. I have many things that I enjoy doing where drinking is involved.. not by me of course but the reality is, it's everywhere... And anyone that wants to hang out with you and spend time with will be ok with you just how you are... I have tried to invite you out too.. so obviously I am not bothered..
So in short.. Yes you think too much..
Just be happy being yourself and you will attract people that enjoy being around you.. Why you ask?? Because they like you for who you are... be happy with that, not guilty.. "and dont worry guys this is almost over....
This morning I got an email from her...
it was simply this...
"Hey can I get ur # again? "
Alright.. now.. My DJ skills are obviously very little.. and I wanting to proceed correctly at this point instead of falling into that "Friend" place...
So.. should I just not say anything to her till she calls? Or what would be the next move I should make.. and yes.. I bailed and gave her my number...
Save this AFC.
~Tontholis