Maximus_Decimus
Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2003
- Messages
- 183
- Reaction score
- 5
After reading alot of posts over the years, it appears many guys are missing two crucial elements to their game - the understanding of circumstance, and the use of context. Those that understand these two concepts and apply them properly probably already have a decent level of game. Conversely, those that have a weak understanding of these two concepts most likely lack in their tact as well.
Anyways, let's cut to the meat.
Circumstance
In any given situation, your interaction with a women is bound by circumstance. Actually, I won't limit it to women because circumstance applies to social situations in general so it applies with other men as well. Notice though that I didn't use the word "environment". I'll get to an example a bit later of the difference between "environment" and "circumstance."
Here is an example. A women is walking in a mall, in a rush, to get to somewhere urgently. She is really hot, and you decide to do a cold approach ... ... ... for the astute, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out this is an uphill battle for the guy and his chances of success are slim! The circumstance here is that she is in a rush and she probably doesn't want to entertain extended conversation with a stranger for obvious reasons. Anytime the circumstance doesn't "fit", trying to make it "fit" (ie. a cold approach in this case) simply demonstrates your lack of social grace.
Now, let's assume you decided not to do a cold approach and let her go her way. Later that night, you meet the EXACT SAME WOMAN in a club and she is not with any other guy. The circumstance has changed yet again. Ironically, even though it is the exact same woman from earlier, you are in a much more natural circumstance and environment to open her. In fact, it is possible that she is waiting for an attractive guy to talk to her versus the situation in the mall earlier.
Anyways, for whatever reason, you chicken out and don't approach her for the entire night. Near the end of the night though, you decide to grab your balls and finally make the approach. But then, the unthinkable happens right before you make your approach. The music stops and the lights turn on. Security and bouncers begin to usher people out the door. Good grief. The circumstance has changed yet again! This is where "circumstance" differs from "environment." You are in the same environment (the club) but the circumstance has changed within the environment (I consider circumstance to be a much more precise definition than environment). Because of the new circumstance, the hot woman you wanted to approach is now rushing out the door and your chances of a successful approach go down the drain.
Let's broaden the concept of circumstance further. You see the CEO of a company you want to work at but the CEO is in deep conversation with a client of his and they are on the move ... ... ... you guessed it - it is not a favorable circumstance for you to introduce yourself to the CEO in this situation. Fast forward a few weeks later, and you are at a job fair and the CEO is at the career booth for his company. The circumstance has changed again and it is naturally normal to introduce yourself to him and give him your resume.
And if you think of it, this is why most cold approaches are that difficult. In most cold approach situations, the circumstance is not in your favor. Now, let's say that James Bond, the best seducer in the world, was given a task to "seduce" a woman and get her number but he has 15 minutes to do it. The circumstance in this situation though is that the target woman is in a small woman's clothing store, and the other 10 people in there happen to be other women shopping for and trying on women's clothing! When James Bond walks into the store, all the other women (and the target woman) are thinking, "What is wrong with this guy? Why is he in a woman's clothing store by himself?" LOL, this is even an uphill battle for James Bond but alas, I'm sure James Bond would be creative enough to figure something out
Context
The second piece that many guys are missing from their game is context. Simply put, if you begin to use more context in your social interactions, your tact becomes much smoother and much more natural. Again, similar to circumstance, context applies to much more than women and you can even use it in your everyday social interactions (especially in business).
Let's take the example of the hot woman that was in a rush at the mall earlier but now, you see her in the club. You are walking towards the bar by yourself to get a drink and she is walking from the bar and you are about to cross paths. Now, you want to open her. Fortunately, the circumstance is favorable for you to open conversation with her. Just before you cross paths with her, you point to her, she gives you a "WTF look", and you say, "Hey, I think I saw you earlier at the mall today. You were the only woman in the mall on high heels, trying to sprint a hundred meters in 9 seconds. Heh, what was the rush about, because everybody in the mall was staring at you, thinking you were some type of fugitive on high heels running from the police!" Case closed. You have used context (and a bit of humor) to open her smoothly.
Context is also great to use to open conversations - including phone conversations. As an example, let's say you and a chick do something silly at a bar, and both of you get a good laugh out of it. Later on, you number close her and go on your way. A few days later, you call her up again. When she picks up the phone, you could say your name is Maximus_Decimus (or insert your name here) and end it there and hope she recognizes you. Alternatively, you could mention your name and remind her of that silly thing you did with her at the bar to help her jog her memory better - this is where you are using context of past actions with her to help retrieve the emotional state that was originally "anchored" with her when you did that silly thing at the bar.
For instance, you could just say:
"Hey, I'm Maximus_Decimus. Remember me?"
or you could attempt to bring her back to state for something you and her had a fun time doing, like:
"Hey, I'm Maximus_Decimus. Remember me? I'm the dude that ate 10 hot dogs with you in 5 minutes at Barry's last week and we won 5 free pitchers of beer for it!"
In general, when you are laying your groundwork with a chick, make sure you lay enough groundwork from which you can use context to smoothly open her again down the road.
Maximus_Decimus
Anyways, let's cut to the meat.
Circumstance
In any given situation, your interaction with a women is bound by circumstance. Actually, I won't limit it to women because circumstance applies to social situations in general so it applies with other men as well. Notice though that I didn't use the word "environment". I'll get to an example a bit later of the difference between "environment" and "circumstance."
Here is an example. A women is walking in a mall, in a rush, to get to somewhere urgently. She is really hot, and you decide to do a cold approach ... ... ... for the astute, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out this is an uphill battle for the guy and his chances of success are slim! The circumstance here is that she is in a rush and she probably doesn't want to entertain extended conversation with a stranger for obvious reasons. Anytime the circumstance doesn't "fit", trying to make it "fit" (ie. a cold approach in this case) simply demonstrates your lack of social grace.
Now, let's assume you decided not to do a cold approach and let her go her way. Later that night, you meet the EXACT SAME WOMAN in a club and she is not with any other guy. The circumstance has changed yet again. Ironically, even though it is the exact same woman from earlier, you are in a much more natural circumstance and environment to open her. In fact, it is possible that she is waiting for an attractive guy to talk to her versus the situation in the mall earlier.
Anyways, for whatever reason, you chicken out and don't approach her for the entire night. Near the end of the night though, you decide to grab your balls and finally make the approach. But then, the unthinkable happens right before you make your approach. The music stops and the lights turn on. Security and bouncers begin to usher people out the door. Good grief. The circumstance has changed yet again! This is where "circumstance" differs from "environment." You are in the same environment (the club) but the circumstance has changed within the environment (I consider circumstance to be a much more precise definition than environment). Because of the new circumstance, the hot woman you wanted to approach is now rushing out the door and your chances of a successful approach go down the drain.
Let's broaden the concept of circumstance further. You see the CEO of a company you want to work at but the CEO is in deep conversation with a client of his and they are on the move ... ... ... you guessed it - it is not a favorable circumstance for you to introduce yourself to the CEO in this situation. Fast forward a few weeks later, and you are at a job fair and the CEO is at the career booth for his company. The circumstance has changed again and it is naturally normal to introduce yourself to him and give him your resume.
And if you think of it, this is why most cold approaches are that difficult. In most cold approach situations, the circumstance is not in your favor. Now, let's say that James Bond, the best seducer in the world, was given a task to "seduce" a woman and get her number but he has 15 minutes to do it. The circumstance in this situation though is that the target woman is in a small woman's clothing store, and the other 10 people in there happen to be other women shopping for and trying on women's clothing! When James Bond walks into the store, all the other women (and the target woman) are thinking, "What is wrong with this guy? Why is he in a woman's clothing store by himself?" LOL, this is even an uphill battle for James Bond but alas, I'm sure James Bond would be creative enough to figure something out
Context
The second piece that many guys are missing from their game is context. Simply put, if you begin to use more context in your social interactions, your tact becomes much smoother and much more natural. Again, similar to circumstance, context applies to much more than women and you can even use it in your everyday social interactions (especially in business).
Let's take the example of the hot woman that was in a rush at the mall earlier but now, you see her in the club. You are walking towards the bar by yourself to get a drink and she is walking from the bar and you are about to cross paths. Now, you want to open her. Fortunately, the circumstance is favorable for you to open conversation with her. Just before you cross paths with her, you point to her, she gives you a "WTF look", and you say, "Hey, I think I saw you earlier at the mall today. You were the only woman in the mall on high heels, trying to sprint a hundred meters in 9 seconds. Heh, what was the rush about, because everybody in the mall was staring at you, thinking you were some type of fugitive on high heels running from the police!" Case closed. You have used context (and a bit of humor) to open her smoothly.
Context is also great to use to open conversations - including phone conversations. As an example, let's say you and a chick do something silly at a bar, and both of you get a good laugh out of it. Later on, you number close her and go on your way. A few days later, you call her up again. When she picks up the phone, you could say your name is Maximus_Decimus (or insert your name here) and end it there and hope she recognizes you. Alternatively, you could mention your name and remind her of that silly thing you did with her at the bar to help her jog her memory better - this is where you are using context of past actions with her to help retrieve the emotional state that was originally "anchored" with her when you did that silly thing at the bar.
For instance, you could just say:
"Hey, I'm Maximus_Decimus. Remember me?"
or you could attempt to bring her back to state for something you and her had a fun time doing, like:
"Hey, I'm Maximus_Decimus. Remember me? I'm the dude that ate 10 hot dogs with you in 5 minutes at Barry's last week and we won 5 free pitchers of beer for it!"
In general, when you are laying your groundwork with a chick, make sure you lay enough groundwork from which you can use context to smoothly open her again down the road.
Maximus_Decimus
