Advanced: Re-Game ex who thinks you're a jerk

[Dgwizdal]

Greetings Players,

A bit of a dilemma here and need a pro. I have been A*hole gaming a HB7.5 for the last 8 months amongst a few other plates. It has been nothing but pull, pull, pull and no push from me. She has been eating out of the palm of my hand and does what I want when I want. I've been a stoic alpha fun jerk and have taken her on a wild love/hate emotional rollercoaster that she's addicted to like crack. I really thought I was doing well with this one but...

I believe I took the alpha too far without showing her any kind of beta or feelings that I actually would want a future with her or see her as a potential relationship material beyond dating. It has all been fun banter and game for me without letting my beta feelings get involved or giving her ANY reassurance. No push all pull. I recently (a week) made a huge ******* move (mistakes were made) and she broke up with me in a fit of frustrated rage citing how I'm basically a self-centered jerk, and she can't waste any more time with someone who doesn't want the same things as her that will lead to a serious relationship. (IE: Commitment, reassurance, and core things a woman needs in a LTR that I have not given)

I didn't apologize. I simply agreed with the breakup, said it is the right thing for me too, and cut all communication. Gave her no power. (Any PUA newcomer - handle all break ups like this.)

QUESTION I like this girl and was close to moving from my dating game to my LTR game soon and giving her some beta juice. I guess I want to make them earn it so I know she's a keeper. She is definitely still attracted to me but is fed up with my alphatry. We are preplanned dates to a wedding together in 2 weeks. I obviously will not be saying a damn thing to her til then and I OBVIOUSLY wont be bringing up the relationship at the wedding or ever.

How do I get her back without looking AFC to show her that I am ready to drop some of the BS soon? I obviously should be indifferent and let her do the chasing but won't that make me look like more of a jerk? She been chasing me the WHOLE time. How do you get a girl back who dumped you because you've acted too alpha without giving some of the beta that's needed in a LTR situation?

ALSO - how to make adjustments in game from dating to things needed to sustain LTR?

PS - Her sister just got engaged after 9 MONTHS. This probably had something to do with the hamster in her head as well.

:yes: :box:

 

[floydb25]

Sounds like you made the common mistake of going to the extreme of being a selfish jerk. This is what a lot of former nice guys do. But it only works to attract them over the short-term (ie, during the chase). They end up HATING you for it, but still attracted nonetheless. Gotta balance it out better, and gradually sink into giving more. It's supposed to be a challenge - not an unattainable feat.

Being a jerk who doesn't give a **** isn't a free meal ticket. They eventually get tired of doing all the work, and jump ship... unless they have terribly low self-esteem. It definitely works for short-term affairs, though, which is what most of them are about (and why women seek after them for sex - then try changing them for a while).

As it stands, you only have the attraction portion down, which is no good for LTR's.

 

[Tictac]

All pull and no push makes Dgw a lonely boy.

Move on.

Learn.

 

[Dgwizdal]

I am a newer PUA after getting out of LTR of 5 years. (26) so I've stuck with what has worked thus far and have been having the time of my life banging chicks and being adored by just about every woman. Appreciate the feedback - Is there a way to save this one though? How does one apply the concept of pushing post fed-up breakup rage without coming off AFC? Again - rules state to be indifferent and let her do the chasing... Catch 22? Come on Pro's

 

[Greasy Pig]

I guess you need to apply some "passive chasing".
I had a plate similar to yours but I was able to keep her on the hook for two years. Obviously she had low self esteem but she did also genuinely love fvcking me and although she'd chuck a tantrum and break contact every so often, eventually she'd come crawling back for a good pounding.
But I wouldn't actively chase her during these times.
Instead I just threw her an occasional random text about the football or something (she was active and loved sports). Sometimes I'd make a sexual joke or mention something about our sex life.
But I never asked her out or hit her up for sex, I just casually planted a seed every so often to remind her of me.
It worked for two years until I moved away. She still messages me and calls me now even though she has a fiancé. I get the distinct impression I could snap my fingers and she'd come running back.
As for the wedding, you could just be funny and say something like: "I think we should share a room after this wedding in two weeks. But no funny business. We're both adults and should be able to sleep in the same room without madly tearing each others clothes off and having mad, crazy drunk sex."

 

[pinkfl]

Let me get this straight.
It's been 8 months, and now you're deciding that you want her as long term relationship material? AFTER she cuts ties with you, that's when you make that decision?
No, sounds more to me like your ego doesn't get stroked anymore that you got broken up with, and you now realize that you wanted something more serious with her.

You want something now that it's gone.


So, let's put it this way: If you GENUINELY want to be in a serious relationship with her, that means the games and power plays have to stop. A healthy relationship isn't about one-upping the other person. That means that if you want her, you need to tell her that. If you want to work things out, you need to tell her that.

Invite her out to dinner to talk. Explain that you want a fresh start with her, and that you're sorry. No tears or grand gestures here. Just two adults having a conversation. An olive branch, a peace offering. See what happens. If she doesn't forgive you, then move on.
If she does forgive you and take you back, you're going to need to cut back on being a jerk and show appreciation if she's a keeper.

But if you don't think she's a keeper, and you ONLY want her back because she's gone, then MOVE ON. If you don't think you are CAPABLE of treating her better, then MOVE ON. And if she refuses to get back together, then MOVE ON.

 

[TheException]

I've been a stoic alpha fun jerk

I believe I took the alpha too far

She is definitely still attracted to me but is fed up with my alphatry.

Your not an alpha....not even close.

Jerk and the "nice guy" are two sides of the same coin. Both are beta to their cores, and require a whole mentality and mind shift to truly become an alpha. Where the beta spills his guts and cries for attention, the jerk hides his emotions. Alphas control their emotions. Nice guys shower women with attention because THEY ARE SCARED. Jerks never give women attention because THEY ARE SCARED. Alphas give women the appropriate amount of attention. A lot when they deserve it, and none when they do not. Period. Savy?

 

[Liquid_Mind]

I've been a stoic alpha fun jerk

I believe I took the alpha too far

She is definitely still attracted to me but is fed up with my alphatry.

Your not an alpha....not even close.

Jerk and the "nice guy" are two sides of the same coin. Both are beta to their cores, and require a whole mentality and mind shift to truly become an alpha. Where the beta spills his guts and cries for attention, the jerk hides his emotions. Alphas control their emotions. Nice guys shower women with attention because THEY ARE SCARED. Jerks never give women attention because THEY ARE SCARED. Alphas give women the appropriate amount of attention. A lot when they deserve it, and none when they do not. Period. Savy?

But jerks still have masculinity which is an alpha trait. They are more alpha than a nice guy but not a true alpha like you say.

 

[Eph]

Like the others said, you're not Alpha. For one thing, does a true alpha brag about how alpha he is? No, and that is what you're doing here - whether you realize it or not. An Alpha is not an a$$hole. I've always felt an alpha is the right balance between a$$hole and Beta. He doesn't take sh!t from people, but he's not out giving sh!t to people. He knows when (and how) to treat women like queens and when its time to bring them back down to Earth.

A fire needs something to burn continuously. You started a fire (interest by being a jerk), but you couldn't maintain it (a little shower of Beta traits). Slowly, that fire burned out. If anything you should work on your inner game first, before you try anything with her. If you feel like you don't just want her now because she's gone, then you can try to restart her fire.

 

[Dgwizdal]

Thank you all very much for your replies. I may have misconstrued my mentality here. I am not ia pure jerk ******* - I despise people like that. More of a rough around the edges approach with a good heart. The word alpha is used here to describe the situation - not to brag. I believe your response is correct in the fact that I've withheld some of the emotions with the girl at hand purely because I've had an abundance of plates to spin without letting myself fall into relationship territory mentally. However, maybe I have been blinded with the new found game and success I have to see that I had a great girl with much potential for a successful LTR If I would have let myself get there. Yes, im hesitant to commit. I do need to find the right balance between alpha and beta or I will never be successful in maintaining a relationship past initial attraction and getting her to bed unless I let go abit. Thanks again. Hope I can pull this off and if not - I deserve what I had coming.

 

[adam225]

I've been a stoic alpha fun jerk

I believe I took the alpha too far

She is definitely still attracted to me but is fed up with my alphatry.

Your not an alpha....not even close.

Jerk and the "nice guy" are two sides of the same coin. Both are beta to their cores, and require a whole mentality and mind shift to truly become an alpha. Where the beta spills his guts and cries for attention, the jerk hides his emotions. Alphas control their emotions. Nice guys shower women with attention because THEY ARE SCARED. Jerks never give women attention because THEY ARE SCARED. Alphas give women the appropriate amount of attention. A lot when they deserve it, and none when they do not. Period. Savy?

Very well said Repped.

 

[adam225]

But jerks still have masculinity which is an alpha trait. They are more alpha than a nice guy but not a true alpha like you say.

The bottom line is that they are BOTH insecure. The "nice guy" is a pu$$y, where the "Jerk" is arrogant and is highly worried about how the world perceives HIM.

It makes me laugh how women are too stupid to see the difference between confidence and arrogance sometimes. They are both MILES apart.

 

[BeDJ]

Your not an alpha....not even close.

Jerk and the "nice guy" are two sides of the same coin. Both are beta to their cores, and require a whole mentality and mind shift to truly become an alpha. Where the beta spills his guts and cries for attention, the jerk hides his emotions. Alphas control their emotions. Nice guys shower women with attention because THEY ARE SCARED. Jerks never give women attention because THEY ARE SCARED. Alphas give women the appropriate amount of attention. A lot when they deserve it, and none when they do not. Period. Savy?

Do you consider yourself an Alpha?

 

[VikingKing]

From my understanding. Alpha is a proper balance of certain beta traits, and jerk traits, at the appropriate times.

Primarily its about building value within yourself, knowing what you want, and doing what it takes to get it.

Depending on what value you work on, whether it be social, intellectual, or monetary value, or any combination of the three, you will attract women that are attracted to these values you build within yourself. Women love value and men value love.

Yes all women will respond to the same treatment in the same way, so in a sense they are all similar in that aspect.

however women are all different in the sense that they have different perspectives which are based on their experiences in life, and what they want.