There are two frames in dating: romantic/sexual and friendship.
At the start of their dating lives, many guys on this board chose to rebel against
the friendship frame. Well, like so many times in life, the thing that was so
undesirable at the beginning becomes the most necessary thing for you later on.
Many guys are attempting to pursue dating from a purely romantic/sexual frame.
This is building a relationship using purely sexual energy. However, sexual energy
is not a reliable basis for a relationship, because most of us have a lot going on
besides just lust. We each have a mind, a heart, and a social persona, and each of these
has its own choosiness.
Here is how you can mix in friendship energy into your dating frame:
0. In all your dealings with a woman, emphasize the connection ABOVE any physical outcome or
circumstance. Seek the connection, always. If you are not looking to connect, none of this
is going to make much sense or be very possible.
1. When you are deciding to ask her out, consider if you are ready to be friends with this person.
Could that be possible? Do you find her interesting in a non-sexual way? Is her company fun, or
would it be fun?
2. When you ask her out, try to convey that it is not a date in the normal sense. It is something
between a date and hanging out and a conversation. How well you pull this off depends on how much
sincere friendship-level connection you established in the foregoing conversation. If you have to lean
on the romantic/sexual frame because your friendship game is weak, feel free to do so initially.
I know, I know, dating is society's 'get-sex protocol' and how will you ever sexualize things
and not end in the friendzone. Well, this is advanced game, I'm assuming when the time comes
to mix in sexual energy, you will be up to the challenge. I'm actually assuming that your sexual game
is tight enough already, and just telling you how to build the foundation that lets you knock
the ball into 'relationship land' with more flair and success. If this isn't the case, you can actually still use this paradigm
because the friendship energy is going to take the burden off your sexual game. It will make 'pouncing' easier.
3. Proceed from the default assumption that it will end in friendship, and observe it honestly to see
where it is going. Does she feel like a friend? Does she seem sexually interested?
Many will scream that this ambiguity is the death of them. But actually, you're just giving the woman
the open opportunity to consciously choose what she would already be choosing anyway. You're just
honoring her choice, instead of trying to force something. With you helping her and not trying to sabotage
her, she will choose much more wisely for herself and you. You have to accept the results of this screening
process if you want to enter relationship-land, where the gates of loveable pvssy and good conversation are unlocked
and you get to bang a girl *consistently over time*. The hidden darkside of DJing is that your bootycalls are limited to three-week
windows which are all the time opening and suddenly closing as women opt-out of your friendshipless bangfests.
CYNICISM ABOUT FRIENDSHIP
Many are cynical about friendship, and don't believe that meeting a new person and connecting with them
has any value in itself. All I can say off the cuff is that believing in friendship has its rewards,
and its payback. Just like dreams, or beauty, or God, friendship is something that requires a conscious choice
to believe in the good of it. These things actually come from a higher world, where we are not allowed to live in yet,
and so believing in the reality of them is a choice and a commitment.
After that choice is made, its good is revealed. Non-believers are stuck at the entrance.
If you are having a rough time socially, consider that at some point in your journey
you may have stopped believing in Friendship. That makes socializing difficult, to say the least.
RESULTS
Expect that this paradigm will result in many dates that end in friendships. And since the friendship may not be all that awesome,
in your eyes, you may not cash in on them and become life-long buddies.
However, this setup only has to work once for you to catch a fish that will feed you for a lot longer than a few weeks.
If and when this paradigm works, you will be tapping into a connection that you can run much farther with.
The women you catch with this method will trump the women caught by DJ principles, saving you from the three age-old problems of the DJ:
1. She will not be hard to keep around
2. She will not be hell to keep around
3. You can be yourself when she is around
Good luck and I hope you find these words useful.
At the start of their dating lives, many guys on this board chose to rebel against
the friendship frame. Well, like so many times in life, the thing that was so
undesirable at the beginning becomes the most necessary thing for you later on.
Many guys are attempting to pursue dating from a purely romantic/sexual frame.
This is building a relationship using purely sexual energy. However, sexual energy
is not a reliable basis for a relationship, because most of us have a lot going on
besides just lust. We each have a mind, a heart, and a social persona, and each of these
has its own choosiness.
Here is how you can mix in friendship energy into your dating frame:
0. In all your dealings with a woman, emphasize the connection ABOVE any physical outcome or
circumstance. Seek the connection, always. If you are not looking to connect, none of this
is going to make much sense or be very possible.
1. When you are deciding to ask her out, consider if you are ready to be friends with this person.
Could that be possible? Do you find her interesting in a non-sexual way? Is her company fun, or
would it be fun?
2. When you ask her out, try to convey that it is not a date in the normal sense. It is something
between a date and hanging out and a conversation. How well you pull this off depends on how much
sincere friendship-level connection you established in the foregoing conversation. If you have to lean
on the romantic/sexual frame because your friendship game is weak, feel free to do so initially.
I know, I know, dating is society's 'get-sex protocol' and how will you ever sexualize things
and not end in the friendzone. Well, this is advanced game, I'm assuming when the time comes
to mix in sexual energy, you will be up to the challenge. I'm actually assuming that your sexual game
is tight enough already, and just telling you how to build the foundation that lets you knock
the ball into 'relationship land' with more flair and success. If this isn't the case, you can actually still use this paradigm
because the friendship energy is going to take the burden off your sexual game. It will make 'pouncing' easier.
3. Proceed from the default assumption that it will end in friendship, and observe it honestly to see
where it is going. Does she feel like a friend? Does she seem sexually interested?
Many will scream that this ambiguity is the death of them. But actually, you're just giving the woman
the open opportunity to consciously choose what she would already be choosing anyway. You're just
honoring her choice, instead of trying to force something. With you helping her and not trying to sabotage
her, she will choose much more wisely for herself and you. You have to accept the results of this screening
process if you want to enter relationship-land, where the gates of loveable pvssy and good conversation are unlocked
and you get to bang a girl *consistently over time*. The hidden darkside of DJing is that your bootycalls are limited to three-week
windows which are all the time opening and suddenly closing as women opt-out of your friendshipless bangfests.
CYNICISM ABOUT FRIENDSHIP
Many are cynical about friendship, and don't believe that meeting a new person and connecting with them
has any value in itself. All I can say off the cuff is that believing in friendship has its rewards,
and its payback. Just like dreams, or beauty, or God, friendship is something that requires a conscious choice
to believe in the good of it. These things actually come from a higher world, where we are not allowed to live in yet,
and so believing in the reality of them is a choice and a commitment.
After that choice is made, its good is revealed. Non-believers are stuck at the entrance.
If you are having a rough time socially, consider that at some point in your journey
you may have stopped believing in Friendship. That makes socializing difficult, to say the least.
RESULTS
Expect that this paradigm will result in many dates that end in friendships. And since the friendship may not be all that awesome,
in your eyes, you may not cash in on them and become life-long buddies.
However, this setup only has to work once for you to catch a fish that will feed you for a lot longer than a few weeks.
If and when this paradigm works, you will be tapping into a connection that you can run much farther with.
The women you catch with this method will trump the women caught by DJ principles, saving you from the three age-old problems of the DJ:
1. She will not be hard to keep around
2. She will not be hell to keep around
3. You can be yourself when she is around
Good luck and I hope you find these words useful.
