Adapting to Suggestiveness

[Kailex]

I have no better way to title this thread so apologies for the confusing nature of it.

Basically, I've noticed throughout the years that I will talk to several of my male friends about certain women in their lives. Sometimes they will be all UP on them, but as soon as a few of us told that ONE guy that she isn't as cute as HE thinks she is, he'll back away from her, somewhat disillusioned.

The same could be said for the reverse situation.

In the past I was a victim of this. I had the interests of a young woman who in my mind was no better than a 7. But once my friends started pointing out some of her finer attributes, she seemed to elevate closer to an 8.5 level.

What is it about us that seems to to see-saw on something like that?

As I've grown older, this seems to have diminished greatly, but in my early 20's, it seemed to happen a few times more often. Now, I just don't even listen to it, but I HAVE seen men my age or even older who seemed to be influenced by the suggestions of other men.

Sometimes we even fall for it in cases where we suggest to our friends:

"You should go talk to her, she's totally looking at you..."

Sometimes we do this just to mess around, but I have witnessed the change of demeanor in a man once he's been convinced of the fact.

Any theories, thoughts?

 

[sageproduct]

I have definitely experienced this. Honestly, I really didn't think Megan Fox was that hot at first until every guy I knew started jizzing over her.

I have also assumed higher interest from a girl just because my friends made a half-joking comment. Weird...maybe this is part of the reason why guys tend to agree on who we find attractive?

Has anyone noticed that girls will often disagree on who they find attractive among celebrities, but among guys they know, they usually all agree on who they think is hot and who is creepy?

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Any theories, thoughts?

Social proof. A great experimental treatment in this book: Influence, Science and Practice, by Cialdini.

A large part of your interests and desires are subconsciously based on your peer group. An argument from evolutionary biology goes something like this:

As society grew and inter-marriage between tribes became more and more commonplace, the ability to "adapt" to the customs and behaviors of your new tribe as your own became evolutionarily beneficial, as those that adapted more quickly to their new tribe tended to fare better, and have larger families.

And by adapting to the customs and behaviors of new tribes, I mean hunting for new foods, learning where all the good roots were, praying properly to the gods. Going much beyond "faking it," people evolved the ability to actually "soak up" a sort of "group think," as those that did generally fared better than those that didn't.

On a much broader scale, "herd thinking," is much safer than being a non-conformist all the time. Keep in mind that these are very deep, very unconscious responses to the group thinking of others, and is largely out of your conscious control.

If you walk down the street and see a big crowd gathered, it will be very, very difficult not to check it out and see what the fuss is about. If you are an animal in stampede (be it a bunch of gazelles running from a lion or a bunch of stock market operators getting clobbered by panic selling) you don't think, you just act.

This is the same unconscious force that drives women to get wet over rock stars and athletes for only the reason that all other women are getting wet over them. Despite thinking that we men are logically thinking creatures, we are just as susceptible to this ages old evolutionarily programmed response.

It's also the same unconscious force that allowed a whole nation to murder 6 million Jews without a second thought.

Social Proof is very, very strong, and very, very hard to resist.

It can be useful in marketing, seduction, and taking over nations. It's also a good skill to be able to resist it, and think for yourself despite what others say.

In fact I would go so far as to say that being able to resist social proof, and hold your own frame despite the collective frame of others is the only thing that makes an alpha an alpha.

You can follow the crowd, or you can lead it.

 

[Lexington]

You know, they've tried experiments where multiple people would tell a person that he/she looked sick even though the person was totally fine. At first they'd say "oh really?" But after a few people had told them, they'd be saying "yeah, I have been feeling a bit under the weather lately."

Perception is a very subjective thing. It is particularly subject to outside influence. That's why companies spend billions of dollars on marketing their products. It works.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

You know, they've tried experiments where multiple people would tell a person that he/she looked sick even though the person was totally fine. At first they'd say "oh really?" But after a few people had told them, they'd be saying "yeah, I have been feeling a bit under the weather lately."

Such experiments are detailed in Cialdini's Book Influence, Science and Practice.

Likely the most referred to book in any sales and marketing course.

Cialdini is considered to be the authority on the subject.