Action Plan

[Knight's Cross]

OK, here's the situation. Me: 37 YO pilot I train and fly Gulfstream's for a living. Her: 34 YO Pain management anesthesiologist new to city, new to practice. Situation: I had back pain that was buggin me the last couple months...so I went to a orthopedics center, they did x-ray/MRI and referred me to HER. We met at her office, there was flirt goin from the start, her sayin things like, "you're bad" ,"you're bad" and so on. So I had 2 lower back injections of cortizone...each time she threw more flirt. So back's better, I went in for a follow up. We agreed no more need for cortizone or follow up. So I was goin to go for the digits. Frickin nurse kept walkin in....long story short I went for the # in front of the nurse. I said," Hey I hate to do this in front of your nurse, but...since we are'nt Dr. / patient anymore, can I get your #"? She flounder'd. The nurse tried helpin me, by saying," I didn't see anything....and repeated that. Nurse and Doc are apparently tight. You could see that she (doc) was struggling. Said that she didn't know if she could,, how long she had to wait, etc. OK so I had enough of that and started heading for the reception area....where upon doc stopped me in the hall and said," let me get your #" I gave her my card, she held my arm and said goodbye. I kept moving forward and left. (Feeling like a doofus).
So what now?
Gut says that if I don't hear anything in a week, she's not goin to respond ever. I feel that I need to sit tight. Do Nothing, and wait. My cards are on the table. She has the ball.
Thoughts?
Rollo if you read this one I'd sure appreciate your take...

 

[Phyzzle]

You should tell her the back is acting up again, and ask for oxycontin, a morphine patch, and fentanyl pops. That would be totally sweet.

Oh, but as for the #, I really, really doubt she'll call. Even if she likes you. If she's decent-looking, not a single mom, and has any sort of social life, she just doesn't have the incentive to call a guy, even an attractive one. Them's the breaks.

An e-mail is a lower pressure thing to ask for, if there's an audience. But the main thing is, you've got to mention some cafe or club or subject or SOMETHING, so you can gracefully say, "we should continue this conversation later. Let me email you."

 

[kingwilliam]

I guess there are two options here:

1. Wait for her call (which may never happen)

2. Try again (which has a 1/67 chance of success)

Did you ever tell her about yourself? Like what you do for a living, etc......are you sure you read the signs correctly, or was she just being friendly...

i don't know......I suppose if I were you I would just wait it out and move on if there's no call. Maybe you can find her work email address and send her a message indicating that you didn't mean to ask for the # in front of her coworker.

 

[Interceptor]

Gut says that if I don't hear anything in a week, she's not goin to respond ever. I feel that I need to sit tight. Do Nothing, and wait. My cards are on the table. She has the ball.

You seem like a good guy.
You probably are very cool, level headed and professional. A guy that can take adversity in stride.


BUT.......
That quote says a lot (to me) about your overall attitude.

If she doesn't respond in a week, so what?
maybe next week she'll call. If not, no big deal. She's not your wife, or even your girlfriend an does not owe you anything. She may have just liked the flirting and the attention, and may never had any plans for anything further than that.
If you feel a need to "sit tight", you are in desperate need of help.

You don't ever just "sit tight."
You go out and live your life, as if she didn't even exist.
If she calls, great.
If she doesn't, great. One less headache to worry over, and you understand that she may have been "attracted" mkay?? but is NOT interested in you. Attracted is not the same as interested, as in romantically interested.


Your life is great, isn't it? So no big deal.
Why?
Becasue WE DON"T JUST "SIT TIGHT". We don't sit tight by the phone. We don't sit tight watching TV. Or sit tight worrying, "how does she feel about me?"" , "what is she thinking?". Fvck that.
Go out and do the things you enjoy,. Don't put your life on hold for some chick who just flirted with you. Nothing else.
There's already too much emotional involvement and attachment here. This is not a good sign. Especially when it's this early.


You also don't "do nothing". You keep living your life. And give yourself the gift of fun and luaghter and diversion.
With or without her.
All work and no play leads to a dull, boring, and desperate life.

So she has your number.OK? So what?The ball is in her court.This is a good thing. Why?

Qualifying and demonstrating INTEREST LEVEL, dude. This is what we want. So we don't have to waste time.
If she calls, great. If not, you move on.
No emotional attachment or roller coaster: "Will she ever call?? Boo hoo. I'm just waiting here by the phone waiting for her to call me! Please!! Boo hoo!"


Dude...

Please...

That is not you.


So your "cards are on the table"?
So fvcking what? What "card" are these exactly? that you acted like a Man and expressed interest and asked her for her number???
Women WANT US to APPROACH!

You expressed interest in her!
That's all!
You didn't tell her your life story and how badly you want her to be your wife and for her to be the mother of your kids, bro!
Get a grip!
Feeling vulnerable is never a GREAT feeling. But sheesh...c'mon, man.
You expressed interest. That's all.
If she calls, great. If not, with that attitude you sound like your ready to shoot yourself for being "so stupid!"
you just asked for her number. She hesitated, but asked for yours. Not greta, but not "bad."

Whatever. You move on, and keep doing the thigns you like doing!

"She has the ball..."

This statement worries me.
It sound slike your saying she has a noose around yourneck,. Like she has "control" over you.
Are you nuts???
What control oudl this chick possibly have?
Unless YOU GAVE her this imaginary "conrol" she has over yo9u.
Remember, women have special powers that make Men Zombies! It's true I swear! I saw it on the Learning Channel! No joke! they will contol your mind and bodies! No one is safe! The best thing to do is run away, and/or NEVER ever talk to women or interact with them again! That way, they can NEvER turn you into a Zombie!

Sounds ridiculous, huh?
well, it is.


Bro, don't sweat this.
It's obvious you need some perspective.

Maybe you've hit a slump, or something.

But don't give in to the needieness, validation, and scarcity complex head trips. They WILL fvck you up if you let them.

March on.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Ok guys,
Relax. I am cool with or without a response. Sure I'd like one. She seemed cool, but I am ACTIVELY dating other Plates. I realize I f-d up by asking in front of a coworker. There's medical board issues there. Granted as Rollo has said a lady that wants you will scale barbed wire hills to be with you. She was the one throwin all the flirt, she knows what I do, she knows I'm in shape, she knows I actively have a life that's a adventure. She said herself that," her life sounded boring compared to me". She also threw the," I'm new to X city". She knew how many miles she lived from me, and said she looked forward to seein me on the beach in a nearby town... Guys I know IL and it was definitely there. She could have thrown the," Ohh I'm sorry I can't date patients." She didn't do that. She practically chased me down the hall and pulled out her pen asking for my #. Now it may have been saving face. I don't know. It was in front of other docs and coworkers.
OK so I have other options, I'm not "sitting tight by the phone" I'm dating other women.
There it is gents.

KC

 

[Interceptor]

Whew...
and here I thought you were turning into one of those dreaded...Zombies!!


You DO know they are real, don't you??




:crackup:


Keep up the plate spinning and the adventures.

Good luck.

 

[Metro3pilot]

What model Gulfstream ?

I would forget about it and if she calls be pleasantly surprised, as far as a week being the cutoff ..I doubt it

are you sure she's single ?

:rockon:

 

[Knight's Cross]

Metro,
I work out of SAV as a contract pilot/ IP for a Berkshire Co that trains pilots in the G-IV. Sure she could have a guy, but I did have a friend that sells med supplies to her office call her head nurse. Stated that she's single FWIW. That's my plan, I'm doin my thing, meetin others, if she calls, cool. As for a week, I just guessed that after that it was too far from the start. She did discover that we are from near the same part of the country, that we have family in the same city, and she made the link that we were both midwesterners here in the south....all her making the link, and me just smiling and not giving much info.
KC

Most women are just Christmas Presents at the Mall....nice to look at, but nothing on the inside~

 

[kingwilliam]

After reading your last couple of posts, I actually think she WILL call........keep us posted this is interesting. It sounds like you know how to run the game and have plenty of other things going on. There is no harm in meeting a fantastic woman who actually grabs your interest....and it sounds like you handled it perfectly and your attitude is right where it should be.

GOOD JOB....GOOD LUCK

 

[Metro3pilot]

I would not give up hope after a week she may be busy,

..that fact that she follwed up to give you a card is a good sign ...

I would even try again if you have not heard within 2 weeks, but I don't give up easily

GIV Niceeeeeeeee ...I fly a B200 lifeguard off the reservation

:rockon:

 

[Knight's Cross]

All, Thanks for the encouragement. Metro, when she asked for my # she was pulling out her pen and I handed her one of my cards. I know the deal guys, usually a lady asking for a # and not giving up hers is a bad thing. Granted I did ask her for hers in her office in front of a nurse....that was my mistake, well mine and the silly nurse for coming in the room without knocking. The doc is new to the medical practice that she's with. So I can see her not wanting to look unpro there. So time will tell.
In the mean time I'll be out flying trips n meeting new women. Yeah the G-IV is nice, but its just a job. Certainly doesn't hurt with the ladies, they like it. All how you use what you have, whether its a cool job, or a cool hobby like sailing, whatever you have use it well.
In the mean time I've got a couple other plates spinning at full speed.
Men, this site is like Rocket fuel. Lots of things I knew at a gut level. When you see it all put together, its awesome. Thanks to all of you for doing that.
KC

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I realize I f-d up by asking in front of a coworker.

Not at all, in fact I was going to give you props for doing it. It's obvious stuff like this that comes off as a very strong confidence behavior. Essentially the message you sent was, "I don't give a sh!t if your assitant is right in front of me, I want your number." That's ƒucking nails, and women get that covert message loud & clear.

I have 2 questions though; First, did you take the time to look for a ring on her finger? And second, was the nurse a woman? Obviously, she wouldn't have run you down for a number if she was married, but I'm curious if you looked. If the nurse was a woman, you can bet your ass they're talking about you now and I'd expect she'll call, unless there's some BF in the mix and even then she might.

You played it textbook, I wouldn't stress. Do not however find some horsesh!t reason to go back to her office. Then you'll screw up the groundwork you laid and you're perceived as optionless.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Rollo,
No on the marriage part. Yeah, I ring checked her from the start. Copy the advice on her office. I WILL NOT RETURN PERIOD. No need to, and I agree it would be WEAK as heck.
Fellow pilot's wife actually is a supplier to her office. She called and did some fact finding for me. The doc is single. That I know. The nurse is a female. Also the nurse tried to help. When she walked in and I was making the play for the #, she said," I didn't see anything". Said it twice when the doc was looking at her like...now what do I do? I gave the nurse a playful grin and said,"thanks!" She apologized profusely for walking in without knocking...essentially she thought she screwed it for me. Again, I got the feeling the doc is afraid of other doc's/ nurses seeing her do something that could be unethical. Granted she was watching me head for the door my attitude in a ok...whatever mode...that's when she walked up with me and asked for my digits.
Guys I get it. I've done my part. She could be seein someone, she could be too wound tight to go there with the doc/patient issue, her dad may not have given her a bike on her 10th birthday....who the f knows...and for now I'm stashin it away as a nice surprise if she calls.

Rollo and everyone else, thanks for your input.
Plate spinning all ahead full~

KC

 

[jophil28]

She is struggling with her medical ethical guidelines in respect of dating patients (or ex-patients). Expect her tp wait a while until she resolves this issue.
Perhaps she will contact you "indirectly" - who knows what women will do !

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

This is how it should be done gentlemen. Take notes.

 

[azanon]

I would even try again if you have not heard within 2 weeks, but I don't give up easily

If I actually wanted to go out with her, I'd call after one week, remind her who I am, and ask her out. The worst she can say is no. If (when) its been a week, she ain't gonna call. People who often don't have dates are those that worry too much about their dignity and put "wanting to look cool/DJ" too high on the list.

I don't need the phone # for a doctor I visited because chances are, I called the same # to make the appointment. So what if you get a receptionist when you call? You confidently ask for who you need to speak with as if you aren't negotiating. I work in a job where I often have to speak with VIPs, and I can never remember not getting in contact with the actual person I needed to speak to which has included many doctors, lawyers, even senators and representatives.

 

[blueguy]

If I actually wanted to go out with her, I'd call after one week, remind her who I am, and ask her out. The worst she can say is no. If (when) its been a week, she ain't gonna call. People who often don't have dates are those that worry too much about their dignity and put "wanting to look cool/DJ" too high on the list.

I've had girls wait 2-4 weeks after no contact to call me. Granted, they always had an excuse to hide the real reason they were calling, which was to go out again. I'm glad I scratched them off the list and waited for them to make the next move. This is sometimes how it goes in the early stages. But I suppose a lot depends on the age and options available to both parties.

She already knows you're interested, and you were very direct. Calling again in a week is just going to make your value go down in my opinion. Now, if you were indirect before, calling in a week to be more direct may be a slightly positive move. But in this case, I think it would just make his circulation go down and her tension about the situation lessen.

But I guess I should emphasize again that it depends on the dating atmosphere for both parties. And it's likely she'd forget about the situation in a week.

 

[azanon]

The whole phone # exchange in the office confused the facts of the situation since he already did have her phone number. So it isn't a home phone number, who cares? I know I wouldn't. Again, in my place of business, if I have "a" number, I can always get in touch with whom I need to speak with. No peon receptionist is going to stop me; they're for stopping average people.

(IMO), AFCs wait for phone calls, DJs make phone calls. He has her number, she's a doctor for peeks sake. DJ asks the woman out. Woman says yes or no. AFCs hope women will ask them out (which they rarely do).

I prefer rejection over regret. So does whoever wrote the list of 15 top items in the bible.

 

[squirrels]

You're cool, man.

Worst that can happen is she doesn't call...and she probably won't...but there ain't nothing wrong with what you did. And if she does call, you can pretty much GUARANTEE you're in as long as you don't screw up.

People need to realize that there is NOTHING WRONG with a man being attracted to a woman. The only thing I would've done differently if it were me is I wouldn't have apologized for asking for the digits in front of her nurse.

 

[blueguy]

(IMO), AFCs wait for phone calls, DJs make phone calls. He has her number, she's a doctor for peeks sake. DJ asks the woman out. Woman says yes or no. AFCs hope women will ask them out (which they rarely do).

I prefer rejection over regret. So does whoever wrote the list of 15 top items in the bible.

Ahh c'mon Azanon, he already asked her out. It's not as simple as rejection vs. regret. If that were the case, every guy with oneitis would have a girl. Seduction is like fishing. She just needs the bait. You're smarter than this.