Copied from my blog, A Dark Heart
Although it has slowed the past few years, there’s still a lot of talk about action dates. You know – girls talk, guys do. Beware of this trap. It is often advised to inject some danger/excitement/adrenaline into a first or series of initial dates. While this has some merit, it’s overkill. Activities like hiking, skydiving, bowling, mini golf, rock climbing, jet skiing, snowboarding, and so on – to what end? Impress her? Don’t be so try-hard, it reeks.
Before you get your panties twisted, all of these are fine if you’ve been seeing each other for some time (at least a couple months) and if you actually want to do it and bring her along. But if your purpose is to bed her, there’s an easier way. And if it’s not, what are you looking for? A friend? Then stop reading. A girlfriend? Wife? Love? It all starts with intimacy and grows deeper with time. A sexless relationship is either business, family, or hell.
There are several problems with action dates during the initial stages of seduction.
1 – It’s an unnecessary resource sink. You’ve just met this girl and you’re committing to a half day with her. What if you don’t like her? What if she doesn’t like you? Now you’re 30 miles from home and stuck with a person you can’t stand. From conversations with my female spies, it seems that girls find themselves on the receiving end more often than not (‘I had to tell him I was tired/have to work early/my friend is in trouble, just so I could get out of there’).
2 – What do you hope to accomplish? If you’re trying to impress her with your ‘adventurous side’, you’ve already failed. Is she going to fall in love with you because you pushed her out a plane? No. Get her off the pedestal, get your head on straight, and start over. She’s there to impress you. You’re selling yourself by your demeanor anyway so there’s no need to go overboard. If that’s not the case, either your mindset is off or you need to work on numero uno so you have something to offer.
3 – It requires too much planning. Most action dates are daytime activities. Considering most people have daytime commitments (school/work), this leaves weekends which can really cramp your style. Not only does it dig into time which could be spent bettering yourself, but what if she cancels? If it’s a Wednesday night and you’re meeting at a pub for happy hour, no biggie. But if it’s Saturday, you made preparations/reservations and she bails, you’ll be a little peeved.
4 – Most girls don’t care for action dates unless it’s a mutual hobby. While it’s great for adding intermittent spice to a budding romance, initially it can be a drag. Scenario: she had a couple drinks more than she should on Friday, stayed out late, and is now experiencing a hangover … and you ask her to scale a wall. Doesn’t sound fun. Most people want to relax after a stressful day/week, so keep it low key.
How many times have you racked your brain when a girl asked you ‘what do you want to do’. While responding with what’s really on your mind may work occasionally, a little finesse goes a long way. There are several activities, some with seasonal requirements, which you can engage in to ‘get to know each other’. For the sober readers:
- A walk in the park. Gazebo or bench swing is a plus. You can sit, relax, talk, and kino. Want to add a little extra? Get off the path and into the brush – lots of things can happen here.
- Ice cream/coffee. Not preferable but it can be done. Ice cream is neutral. Coffee only if you must; stimulants are the last thing you want an already anxious girl to ingest. Ever talk to a wired chick?
- Any scenic area for people watching. Sit, relax, kino, and make fun of passers by, create stories about them, whatever.
- Local events. A band, any kind of festival, etc. Emotional states are contagious, so if you’re at all uneasy about being alone with a girl when first meeting her or need to work on your conversation skills, she’ll get the awkward vibe. Public gatherings are good for breaking excessive tension.
Yours truly prefers alcohol as it loosens the tongue and lowers the drawbridge, not to mention that most volatile fun relationships and a number of boring ones begin with a little firewater. My two favorites:
- Swimming pool. A perfect summer activity. As I have access to a semi-private pool, I spend a lot of my free time there. Not only can you tan (girls love to lay out), but you can bring a nice summer beverage along. Throw her in the water, play some games, drink, and escalate. Fringe benefit: you get to see her almost naked so there’s no surprises later. This may also prompt you to do a little self analysis and hit the gym if you’ve been slacking.
- Bar. Any day or night, low commitment, plenty around no matter where you go, works in any season, and is a comfortable venue for the majority of women. You can play some pool, sit on a couch together, hang out on the porch, listen to a band, dance – the possibilities are endless. Dimmed lights and booze make it a de facto comfort building zone. If there’s a superior alternative, I’m all ears.
There is one exception to all of the above. If it’s a hobby of yours or you’re already vested in the activity, it can work in your favor. Let’s say you have a boat. By all means, take the girl on your boat, but don’t waste your time and money renting one. If you’re a climbing instructor, have her meet you after hours and show her the ropes (heh). You get the picture.
Although it has slowed the past few years, there’s still a lot of talk about action dates. You know – girls talk, guys do. Beware of this trap. It is often advised to inject some danger/excitement/adrenaline into a first or series of initial dates. While this has some merit, it’s overkill. Activities like hiking, skydiving, bowling, mini golf, rock climbing, jet skiing, snowboarding, and so on – to what end? Impress her? Don’t be so try-hard, it reeks.
Before you get your panties twisted, all of these are fine if you’ve been seeing each other for some time (at least a couple months) and if you actually want to do it and bring her along. But if your purpose is to bed her, there’s an easier way. And if it’s not, what are you looking for? A friend? Then stop reading. A girlfriend? Wife? Love? It all starts with intimacy and grows deeper with time. A sexless relationship is either business, family, or hell.
There are several problems with action dates during the initial stages of seduction.
1 – It’s an unnecessary resource sink. You’ve just met this girl and you’re committing to a half day with her. What if you don’t like her? What if she doesn’t like you? Now you’re 30 miles from home and stuck with a person you can’t stand. From conversations with my female spies, it seems that girls find themselves on the receiving end more often than not (‘I had to tell him I was tired/have to work early/my friend is in trouble, just so I could get out of there’).
2 – What do you hope to accomplish? If you’re trying to impress her with your ‘adventurous side’, you’ve already failed. Is she going to fall in love with you because you pushed her out a plane? No. Get her off the pedestal, get your head on straight, and start over. She’s there to impress you. You’re selling yourself by your demeanor anyway so there’s no need to go overboard. If that’s not the case, either your mindset is off or you need to work on numero uno so you have something to offer.
3 – It requires too much planning. Most action dates are daytime activities. Considering most people have daytime commitments (school/work), this leaves weekends which can really cramp your style. Not only does it dig into time which could be spent bettering yourself, but what if she cancels? If it’s a Wednesday night and you’re meeting at a pub for happy hour, no biggie. But if it’s Saturday, you made preparations/reservations and she bails, you’ll be a little peeved.
4 – Most girls don’t care for action dates unless it’s a mutual hobby. While it’s great for adding intermittent spice to a budding romance, initially it can be a drag. Scenario: she had a couple drinks more than she should on Friday, stayed out late, and is now experiencing a hangover … and you ask her to scale a wall. Doesn’t sound fun. Most people want to relax after a stressful day/week, so keep it low key.
How many times have you racked your brain when a girl asked you ‘what do you want to do’. While responding with what’s really on your mind may work occasionally, a little finesse goes a long way. There are several activities, some with seasonal requirements, which you can engage in to ‘get to know each other’. For the sober readers:
- A walk in the park. Gazebo or bench swing is a plus. You can sit, relax, talk, and kino. Want to add a little extra? Get off the path and into the brush – lots of things can happen here.
- Ice cream/coffee. Not preferable but it can be done. Ice cream is neutral. Coffee only if you must; stimulants are the last thing you want an already anxious girl to ingest. Ever talk to a wired chick?
- Any scenic area for people watching. Sit, relax, kino, and make fun of passers by, create stories about them, whatever.
- Local events. A band, any kind of festival, etc. Emotional states are contagious, so if you’re at all uneasy about being alone with a girl when first meeting her or need to work on your conversation skills, she’ll get the awkward vibe. Public gatherings are good for breaking excessive tension.
Yours truly prefers alcohol as it loosens the tongue and lowers the drawbridge, not to mention that most volatile fun relationships and a number of boring ones begin with a little firewater. My two favorites:
- Swimming pool. A perfect summer activity. As I have access to a semi-private pool, I spend a lot of my free time there. Not only can you tan (girls love to lay out), but you can bring a nice summer beverage along. Throw her in the water, play some games, drink, and escalate. Fringe benefit: you get to see her almost naked so there’s no surprises later. This may also prompt you to do a little self analysis and hit the gym if you’ve been slacking.
- Bar. Any day or night, low commitment, plenty around no matter where you go, works in any season, and is a comfortable venue for the majority of women. You can play some pool, sit on a couch together, hang out on the porch, listen to a band, dance – the possibilities are endless. Dimmed lights and booze make it a de facto comfort building zone. If there’s a superior alternative, I’m all ears.
There is one exception to all of the above. If it’s a hobby of yours or you’re already vested in the activity, it can work in your favor. Let’s say you have a boat. By all means, take the girl on your boat, but don’t waste your time and money renting one. If you’re a climbing instructor, have her meet you after hours and show her the ropes (heh). You get the picture.
