Acted like a chump last night

[AlexTheGreat]

I was out with my girlfriend last night, and I made BIG no-nos that I've only clearly realized now. She threw me tests and I failed them.

We went to this really nice place on a hill to watch the sunset, then sat in my car and watched a movie. First thing: during the movie, she checks her phone, and sees she had a missed call. And she CALLS THE GUY BACK. With me right there. I looked at her kind-of disapprovingly, but I didn't actually mention anything until she goes to him "yeah I'm watching a movie", to which I answer "exactly the perfect time to call someone huh! " and the other guy has the sense to tell her to get off the phone. Now I'm kicking myself cuz I either should have told her "what are you doing? Go take a walk and talk" and kept on watching the movie without her. I found what she did disrespectful but I didn't act on it at the time, and the moment had passed when I realized it.

The rest of the evening goes well, we go downtown and walk around. And here I acted EVEN MORE AFC and let her decide where to go. And now that I think about it, I feel dirty and disgusting. Because it wasn't a "where do you wanna go?" kind of thing; more like

her: let's go here
me: sure
her: no lets go here
me: sure

Basically, I was the master of pushover in this encounter. And I don't like it. I didn't feel good about it, and she didn't like it either. I could see that I killed some attraction right there.

Now, my other problem is that I've been doing this kind of thing a bit too often lately. I don't really think about the encounter, and so it takes me a little by surprise, ill-prepared. If it keeps going, it's doom for us, and I don't want that to happen, I like the girl and we have good times together.

How do I get back into my witty mindset, my alpha-me? And how do I rebuild this lost attraction? All is not gone, I'm sure, but I want to buff out this dent before it starts rusting some more.

 

[DonGorgon]

First thing: during the movie, she checks her phone, and sees she had a missed call. And she CALLS THE GUY BACK. With me right there. .

She is no longer "your girl!"

Solution:

Dump her but dont even tell her you have dumped her , just cut her off...

 

[Supaman]

She is no longer "your girl!"

Solution:

Dump her but dont even tell her you have dumped her , just cut her off...

Come on Alex. Didn't you already know that dumping a girl is the right response to any question you ask? :crazy: No, but seriously. What you want to do is to start to pull back your time. Start to put more time into bettering yourself and doing things you enjoy. I would also recommend making a few new girlfriends. "Your girl" has set the standard by calling a guy with you. Don't even address it. Just make a couple new girlfriends and that way you're covered regardless of what happens with the relationship. If it's no big deal and he's just a guy friend then great you can enjoy your relationship and make a couple new friends at the same time. If it turns out for the worse you have new people to "work" with. She can't say anything about you calling girls or girls calling you because it's obviously okay in her mind.

The worst possible thing you could do would be to worry about it. The more you do the more you will pressure her and push her away. Just take some time to out to figure out things you would like to do that don't include her and start making an effort to make those things happen. Either way, don't take it too seriously and remember it's all just a game.

 

[AlexTheGreat]

Thank you both! Supaman, I think you are spot-on, and she already told me that I take things too seriously. And, to tell you the truth, I think I do too. I'll have to work on that

In the meantime, I called another girl today just to chat

Thanks for the good advice, and if you guys think of anything more, keep it coming!

 

[Monster]

Off topic but was it a drive thru or do you have a DVD player in your car?

 

[Mavrick]

I think you should act the same way around her. Don't react to the way she acts. Act as if you don't care and let her see you with another woman. Talking about it and getting mad is weak, but don't worship her and fear her wrath. Anything you do with a woman that is motivated by fear is the wrong thing to do.

Never care more than she does. Always care less.

 

[AlexTheGreat]

Off topic but was it a drive thru or do you have a DVD player in your car?

I brought my laptop in my car, and plugged it to my sound system (through some ingenious wiring work that I did) so that we'd get both excellent bass and high treble. It was really nice. I drive a 91 Passat Wagon, and if you know those cars, you'll know just how much backseat room there is. (And if you don't, well there's enough legroom between the seats to sit comfortably on the floor). Anyways, we sat in the back seat, I installed the laptop on top of the front seats (in the middle), and we basically had a really good view and really good sound , not to mention the leather seats...

 

[AlexTheGreat]

I think you should act the same way around her. Don't react to the way she acts. Act as if you don't care and let her see you with another woman. Talking about it and getting mad is weak, but don't worship her and fear her wrath. Anything you do with a woman that is motivated by fear is the wrong thing to do.

Never care more than she does. Always care less.

Good stuff, but its harder to pull off in the field than on the computer chair. Like K-OS said in "the man I used to be":

"All the things I said I wouldn't do,
I did them"

As I said earlier, I don't really plan my encounter out too much, I go with the flow most of the time, but that entails that sometimes, I'll get hit with a bad surprise and not react on time to swerve around it.

 

[AlexTheGreat]

Update: she called me today, and sounded really enthusiastic to talk to me. She also said that she wanted to surprise-drop over to my place but that I wasn't there (I had left a few minutes before she got there). So, I guess I overreacted and overplayed my bad parts from yesterday. Still, this does not negate what I said: I felt cheap and ugly after acting so AFC: it's a sign that what I did was NOT alpha, not manly, not attractive, and simply not cool.

I got myself a positive lesson from this story, without a heartbreak: be in control at all times, because if you let the girl take control, not only does she lose attraction for you, but you feel like a chump too!

 

[AKA FLEX]

Update: she called me today, and sounded really enthusiastic to talk to me. She also said that she wanted to surprise-drop over to my place but that I wasn't there (I had left a few minutes before she got there). So, I guess I overreacted and overplayed my bad parts from yesterday. Still, this does not negate what I said: I felt cheap and ugly after acting so AFC: it's a sign that what I did was NOT alpha, not manly, not attractive, and simply not cool.

I got myself a positive lesson from this story, without a heartbreak: be in control at all times, because if you let the girl take control, not only does she lose attraction for you, but you feel like a chump too!

Sounds like you're on the right path. Keep letting her chase you. Live your life and don't be too over-eager with this girl.