accepting that i need to change is difficult

[five]

i have been a lurker on this site and have been working on self improvement on and off for 2 years now. I seem to get to the point where i start feeling better about myself but then fall back into my old habits, then i start over again. i feel like i am up to the task and can do it, then some days i get so
frustrated and i get extremely annoyed that everyone else is getting ass and i'm not and i feel jaded and very anti-social which in turn does not help my situation at all. all i want is numbers, like maybe it will finally help me feel better about myself. i feel like a piece of **** because i've only been with 2 women, like i'm not a man. i read about these guys that
have had in the 100s and am like, wow how am i supposed to keep up with that, i'm not acceptable because i do not meet x quota, ****ed up, i know.

I was brought up in a very strong christian household, i was told/taught that you save yourself for marriage, sex is dirty, feeling sexually attracted to a woman is wrong etc. all this stuff i am learning and realizing is really ****ing with my mind and what i held to be true for so many years. i believed if i was a nice guy, shy and quiet, some girl would see that i was a good person and want to be with me. this whole concept that i actually have to be
assertive and try is all new to me. i know it sounds absurd.

it was always reinforced that 'it will happen when it is suppose to happen'. i did not have a strong male rolemodel growing up. my father has a very passive personality, and he obviously got my mother, right? so, in my mind, thats how it works. my mother would constantly nag my father and he would quietly 'yes dear'. i grew up with it, so it was what i knew. it hit me
when the girl that i lost my virginity started talking to me the same way, like i was stupid. thats when i found this site.

sorry for the long post, i've had way too much free time during the holidays to reflect on this ****, and maybe its hitting me harder now that i just turned 26 and realize how much i am/did miss out on. basically, i don't have any friends i can discuss this stuff with, those conversations usually involve video games or how work sucks. ugh, it makes me sick but apparently lacking the balls
to change it.

 

[trojanman88]

Stop being a *****, say to yourself "i'm going to be a WINNER in life, No matter what" then go figure out how to get there. Study other people but study yourself A LOT more... Truthfully you have to be hard on yourself to get to where i am (i'm a tru pick up artist) and judge everything from how you look while you walk to how you ****.

 

[Interceptor]

This is what happens to you when you take on others beliefs, ideals, and ideas as YOUR OWN.
In other words, when you have no ideas, preferences, opinions, etc, others will make thenm for you.
And now you feel uncomfortble with THEIR ideas in YOUR HEAD.

You lack identity, young man.
You're looking for external validation.
You are looking for others to give you your own personal solutions, those which can only come from inside YOU.


You blindly accpeted their beliefs, which are not your own.

You need to find direction in life.

You need to have your ideas, opinions, preferneces and beliefs in order in your mental house.

FInd your passion.


Your creativity.

Your Mission in Life.

You will find yourSELF in there. Waiting for you..........

 

[reset]

five I had a similar upbrigning in a religious family where I thought everything I did and wanted was evil, dirty, sinful... so of course my interactions with women were colored with that.

What Interceptor says about living your life with someone else's ideas about what "life is all about" in your head is true... some of us never get a clue as to who we are, because what we've become is someone who only reacts to the world around them. It's tough.

Our self-image is based on other people. But your self-image needs to be based on yourself. It's not an easy process. Years of living one way, it takes a lot of courage to rebuild from the ground up.

 

[penkitten]

i don't understand why some guys are so hard on themselves about how many girls they have ever been with.
does it really matter if a certain exact number is not met?

my father in law is a wonderful man. very social , very outgoing, very hard working, and a good man. he's been with one woman ever, his high school sweetheart, whom he married and it is 30 years later and life is great for them. he isn't the kind of guy who would worry that he is less of a man for only being with one girl, it is all he needed.

it shouldn't be about being with 50 different girls one time each, when it can be as simple as being with one girl 50 times, or much longer.

there are far more important things to figure out in this life.
if you want to learn to be assertive, do it proudly.
if you want to figure yourself out, do it profoundly.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

i don't understand why some guys are so hard on themselves about how many girls they have ever been with.
does it really matter if a certain exact number is not met?

my father in law is a wonderful man. very social , very outgoing, very hard working, and a good man. he's been with one woman ever, his high school sweetheart, whom he married and it is 30 years later and life is great for them. he isn't the kind of guy who would worry that he is less of a man for only being with one girl, it is all he needed.

it shouldn't be about being with 50 different girls one time each, when it can be as simple as being with one girl 50 times, or much longer.

there are far more important things to figure out in this life.
if you want to learn to be assertive, do it proudly.
if you want to figure yourself out, do it profoundly.

Good insight!

 

[trojanman88]

my father in law is a wonderful man. very social , very outgoing, very hard working, and a good man. he's been with one woman ever, his high school sweetheart, whom he married and it is 30 years later and life is great for them. he isn't the kind of guy who would worry that he is less of a man for only being with one girl, it is all he needed.

Most guys don't even have that one girl that loves them... THats why :kick: So you have to play the game until you find that one...

 

[five]

i don't understand why some guys are so hard on themselves about how many girls they have ever been with.
does it really matter if a certain exact number is not met?

my father in law is a wonderful man. very social , very outgoing, very hard working, and a good man. he's been with one woman ever, his high school sweetheart, whom he married and it is 30 years later and life is great for them. he isn't the kind of guy who would worry that he is less of a man for only being with one girl, it is all he needed.
it shouldn't be about being with 50 different girls one time each, when it can be as simple as being with one girl 50 times, or much longer.

there are far more important things to figure out in this life.
if you want to learn to be assertive, do it proudly.
if you want to figure yourself out, do it profoundly.

i'm obsessed with numbers i guess because of what i've been reading by Neil Strauss and Tucker Max. maybe, i see that as a way to get what i want out of life like those guys seemed to. I'll feel more alpha, more in control? if i know i have/can have more women than the other guy.

maybe i'm way off and just looking for something that i think will fill the void, when it really won't. i'll admit i have trust issues, the girl i lost my virginity to cheated on me. it took me a long time to come to terms with that. apparently, it was alot more to me than it was to her. for the longest time, I truly believed that the woman I lost my virginity to would be the one i spent the rest of my life with. thats when i realized that maybe relationships/women were not like i was brought up to believe. i wish i would have learned this earlier, maybe it would have been easier to adjust.

 

[five]

This is what happens to you when you take on others beliefs, ideals, and ideas as YOUR OWN.
In other words, when you have no ideas, preferences, opinions, etc, others will make thenm for you.
And now you feel uncomfortble with THEIR ideas in YOUR HEAD.

You lack identity, young man.
You're looking for external validation.
You are looking for others to give you your own personal solutions, those which can only come from inside YOU.


You blindly accpeted their beliefs, which are not your own.

You need to find direction in life.

You need to have your ideas, opinions, preferneces and beliefs in order in your mental house.

FInd your passion.


Your creativity.

Your Mission in Life.

You will find yourSELF in there. Waiting for you..........

thanks for the insight Interceptor. i used to have direction, and to be honest i was perfectly happy with it and probably would have stayed on that
path if it were not for a few key experiences in my life. it's shocking to realize that everything you once thought you knew, may not be right/the only way.