Abuse/Parental infidelity

[Rave18]

Hi,
Don't know if this topic has been discussed/touched on before. I have come across some very sensible posts here, so thought I ask for guidance.
I've grown up around my father having an affair with a married woman [She is almost like his second wife] and wasn't mature enough to deal with the various aspects [There are two sides to this... and so on] when I was growing up, so I blamed my father and there is a lot of negativity in our relationship. To be honest, there is a constant conflict going on i.e. It is wrong to have a relationship with a married woman, he had his own reasons, personal feelings of guilt, disgust and a sort of perverse attraction all at once. The following is somewhat on similar lines
http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/The-Aftermath-of-Male-Sexual-Abuse_1/1
Has anyone on this forum dealt with these kinds of issues ? How did you come to peace with yourself ? Would appreciate if anyone could share his/her experience(s) of dealing with this inner conflict.
Thank You.

 

[scrouds]

Did someone on this forum seriously link to oprah? OPRAH! WTF DUDE? are you a chick or homo? DON'T FUUCKING LISTEN TO OPRAH, READ HER SITE OR ACKNOWLEDGE HER PRESENCE AT ALL.

on to your problem. Go smack yourself. Do it again. Now learn to drop the resentment you hold concerning your father. Let it go into the dark abyss of your heart.

 

[Rave18]

on to your problem. Go smack yourself. Do it again. Now learn to drop the resentment you hold concerning your father. Let it go into the dark abyss of your heart.

Does seem like the right thing to do. Thank You.

 

[Rave18]

No control problems involve taking the responsibility to change the line on the bottom on our face -- to smile, to genuinely and peacefully accept these problems and learn to live with them, even though we don't like them. In this way, we do not empower these problems to control us. We share in the spirit embodied in the Alcoholics Anonymous prayer, "Lord, give me the courage to change the things which can and ought to be changed, the serenity to accept the things which cannot be changed, and the wisdom to know the difference."

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

 

[Skyline]

I remember over hearing an episode from my sisters watching her and she was saying:

"Would you marry a single man with kids!?" And the whole crowd chanted no.

When i heard that i was like, most guys have their sh*t together if they have kids... Then i proceeded to nirvana.

As regards to your pops OP, i think it would be best to sit down and have a man to man discussion about this. Then rebuild the relationship from scratch after.

 

[SgtSplacker]

My parents really sucked to live with, when I moved out my life changed. It was amazing not having to live with the constant fussing for once. Move out dude, trust me supporting yourself is something you are going to have to do for many years. Get that ball rolling!

 

[GS750]

My dad cheated on my mom. They divorced when I was 1. My mom never forgave him. I accept the fact that he was a sh*tty husband/father. But I dont carry it with me like a ball and chain. Accept the fact that you have no control over what other people do and live your life. And dont ever, ever link to Oprah. Ever.

 

[Wakeupplease]

If your father did that to you (Im not sure I understood this correctly), it will be EXTREMELY hard to deal with this yourself. You will need to find professional help to guide you through the healing process. (Forget about the stigma of therapy. Its essential to moving past this)

If this is about your parents infidelity, it is very difficult to get past that too as youre likely to side with one parent and feel angry at the other one (but love them both). Just know that adults are adults. Your mother chose to remain married for whatever reason and she is responsible for her actions. Your dad chose to stray and although totally uncool, this has nothing to do with how he feels for you.