Abstinence is So Hard...But What to Do in a Country With High HIV/AIDS Rates?

[Frank2500]

Greetings to everyone, it's now been almost two years that I've been working on a contractual employment basis in my home country in Central Africa. I have about a year and a half left to be here. Throughout my time here, I've been abstaining from engaging in sexual intercourse with any women I've met here out of reasonable fear because the HIV/AIDS statistics in my country are very alarming. You just can't tell who's HIV positive and who isn't. You see folks looking really healthy etc, but they may be HIV carriers and many of them (not all) tend to hide that fact from their mates. A couple months ago, I took an HIV/AIDS test and I was so relieved to find out that my result was negative, though I hadn't had intercourse with any woman here. Nonetheless it was my first time to take the test, so I was quite nervous.



The challenge I'm facing at the moment is quite tough. I just got to know one really pretty lady...she's in the military (police officer). She lives in a different city but plans to travel down to visit me next weekend. She and I have so far had quite some good chemistry and have been flirting with each other intensively by text messages. She's made it clear to me she can't wait for us to be in a room together and has told me some of the things she wants to do to me...including oral sex. She expects us to make love hard.



But when I think about my lack of trust in the effectiveness and quality of the condoms available in my country and also the fact that a man can or woman can get AIDS while performing oral sex on a partner, I get really scared and worried. This woman wants us to spend the night together. Very often, most women consider a man to be "strange" if he takes them to a room, plays hard with them (caresses/romances them really good) but then doesn't engage in intercourse with them because he's abstaining from sex. But in the high risk zone in which I currently find myself, that may be my safest protection from HIV/AIDS and my health is the most important thing.



I'm just worried about how this woman may react to me if I prepare her mind by telling her the truth soon before she comes to see me next week that I've decided to follow the path of abstinence. And even if she did take an HIV/AIDS test, I don't know...even if it read "negative," I still don't think I'd want to use a condom and do it with her-condoms are said to not be 100% effective and I don't trust most of those here; given how long I've been away from my country, I just don't want to take any risks at all. The last time I played with a woman in a room over here, I was lucky enough that she was cool with my abstinence philosophy. When I sent her a text message when we had both returned to our homes after our meeting, she said: "I'm fine with it. As a matter of fact, I love it when a man plays with my body that way."



Another woman I had been talking to about two weeks ago said a few things that raised red flags to me and I thought it safe not to continue talking to her. Although she claimed to be HIV negative, she said she doesn't like it when a man has sex with her with a condom on...which not only puts the person at risk of getting the disease and other STDs, but it could also lead to an unwanted pregnancy. I felt it was some sort of trap.


What do you guys think is the best solution/route I should take with this woman who's planning to come see me next week? Abstinence is extremely hard but health comes first.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Jesus, that's a tough call.

sex is nice, especially with a woman that's good to go, but not if there's any risk at all of getting some motherfukking life shortening disease.

If you don't say anything, and keep your fingers crossed, you might catch HIV.

If you blow her off, no HIV, and no sex.

Tell her you've been with a few people and you are worried that YOU have HIV. And would it be OK to just please each other manually, or get tested together, or anything like that?

Just remember all pain of abstinence will be forgotten once you get into some clean poon, so the safest thing would be to hold out, but work the hand job angle.

 

[Frank2500]

Re:

Thanks a lot for your response, bro. My hope is that time should honestly go by as fast as possible so I can once again travel out of the country, hopefully find a woman I would like to have a stable/longterm relationship with and resume a sexually active lifestyle without any fear. It's not been easy at all going the abstinence route for two years, but it all comes down to the environment. This is an entirely different world and not everyone is well aware of just how dangerous that disease is over here and live promiscuous lives-married men cheating on their wives and vice versa, etc. There are actually some HIV positive people who deliberately go out to contaminate others.


I'll have to tell her the truth that I'm sticking with abstinence. I know she'll be extremely upset, may insult me, may say that I don't trust her, etc, but it's a risk I just can't afford to take. Plus, some of their testing machines here are said to be deficient in the sense that someone may take a test at some location and have an HIV negative result and then go to another location and have an HIV positive result. So I really don't trust their testing systems very much here either.

 

[Frank2500]

In Addition...

In addition, as a man, I can't afford to keep away from women entirely and have absolutely no social life just because I happen to be here at the moment. I have to keep talking to women to see if I still have persuasive power and skills. I may be at risk of losing those if I don't continually practice. Continually practising helps a man maintain his game and confidence so that where ever he may be, he'll be ready to make a move when necessary.

 

[horaholic]

Get her to take a test, and be as safe as possible anyway. She might actually respect you for it.

You can also take the same safety precautions that licensed hookers do. Give a visual examination of her junk, looking for sores, etc. Shower, and wash right before and immediately after the act, prefereably washing with hospital grade soap. and use condoms. Dont go down on her either. This is effective for licensed hookers, it will be effective for you too. These girls bang up to five or six guys a day, and they are clean.

Its good to be cautious, but dont let fear ruin your life. If she wants something more than just sex, go get tested together.

BTW, it is possible to catch stuff just by messing around with chicks, so if you;re gonna put yourself at risk anyway, might as well enjoy it to the fullest..

 

[Kailex]

This is a tough situation, for sure.

I think you should just be honest with her and let her know what's going on.
Be honest. What's the worst that can happen?

She gets offended, stops talking to you and you still don't have sex???

If things start getting hot and heavy manually, you might be tempted to move further, and then it'll just be in the back of your mind, and you won't enjoy it.

Honestly, it seems that there is no easy way out of this situation. Like Taiyu said, it's not worth the sex if you are going to die from it.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I have to keep talking to women to see if I still have persuasive power and skills. I may be at risk of losing those if I don't continually practice. Continually practising helps a man maintain his game and confidence so that where ever he may be, he'll be ready to make a move when necessary.

Roger that. Now you know what Homer was alluding to when he had Odysseus tie himself to the mast and gave his crew strict orders to not untie him regardless of how much he pleaded.

 

[Magma]

I've worked in Africa numerous times over the last few years, for about 2 months at a time. So I understand your dilemma. I worked in Ethiopia, Lesotho, and S. Africa. It's the goddamned wild west for sure.

It was very very difficult for me to abstain. Many might not believe it, but Ethiopian women are very attractive. But the OP is right. You just don't know who has AIDS/HIV.

I managed to abstain while I was over there, which was difficult because I had the hottest women throwing themselves at me. I got into a few heavy sexual situations, but managed to stick to my guns. It was very very difficult.

But I'm glad I never did the deed. Think of your long-term sexual health. It's not worth it my man. Take it from someone who has been in your shoes. I came to the states with a clean bill of sexual health and continue to use condoms 100% of the time. No babies, no std's. Just the way I like it. A life without the stress of worrying about that shyte is priceless. Think of the long term. Life's a marathon, not a sprint.

Good luck.

 

[Frank2500]

Re: Thank You All for Your Suggestions/Comments

I just want to thank each and every one of you sincerely from the bottom of my heart for your comments and suggestions. I really appreciate it. My apologies for this extremely late response and delay in feedback. I haven't been able to log on to this site since I last posted due to the stress of my job and other things. Magma, I'm more inclined to follow your suggestions because my perspective and situation is very similar to yours. I just don't think it's a risk worth taking...not here at all. This is an entirely different world. I have to admit that truly, the continent of Africa has some of the world's most attractive and seductive women, but with the very high rates of HIV/AIDS one has to be very, very careful.


So here's what happened. I brought up the subject of abstinence to her and as I predicted, she was very upset. She felt insulted and couldn't understand why I would suddenly say such a thing after all the romantic text messages we've been exchanging. The excuse I had to give her which was most persuasive in this case was that I follow a very strict religion and couldn't see myself deviating from it. I told her that even while I was in the US, I was abstaining from sex, so it's nothing new. She expressed suspicion that perhaps I was getting satisfied sexually elsewhere.



But anyway, I was able to persuade her and we've continued communicating and she's willing to still come and see me this weekend. She's very, very beautiful but no matter how hard she may try to lead me to give in and do the deed, I'll stick to my grounds. I did that with some other one already. Now that I know getting down on a woman is equally as dangerous for a male to do, I'm not going to take that risk.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

She's very, very beautiful but no matter how hard she may try to lead me to give in and do the deed, I'll stick to my grounds. I did that with some other one already. Now that I know getting down on a woman is equally as dangerous for a male to do, I'm not going to take that risk.

Be careful dude. Whatever you do, stay away from alcohol.

Horny Man + Beautiful Woman + Alcohol + Aids Country = DEATH DEATH DEATH

If you could, leave your wang in a safe somewhere....

Or at least jack it till you couldn't get it up to safe your life beforehand...

Or find a bullet and tape it to your nuts as a reminder....

 

[trufun]

Sex is cool and everything but just put it away and hold off. Just jack it every once in a while and stay alive. HIV/AIDS is a ***** and you will never forgive yourself if you get sick for one night of pleasure.

 

[Kailex]

So here's what happened. I brought up the subject of abstinence to her and as I predicted, she was very upset. She felt insulted and couldn't understand why I would suddenly say such a thing after all the romantic text messages we've been exchanging. The excuse I had to give her which was most persuasive in this case was that I follow a very strict religion and couldn't see myself deviating from it. I told her that even while I was in the US, I was abstaining from sex, so it's nothing new. She expressed suspicion that perhaps I was getting satisfied sexually elsewhere.



But anyway, I was able to persuade her and we've continued communicating and she's willing to still come and see me this weekend. She's very, very beautiful but no matter how hard she may try to lead me to give in and do the deed, I'll stick to my grounds. I did that with some other one already. Now that I know getting down on a woman is equally as dangerous for a male to do, I'm not going to take that risk.

I've given this thread a few days, but just TWO questions keep haunting me:

#1 - If you are so scared about AIDS and HIV and that this woman might be a carrier, then why are you still seeing her? I don't know but the logical situation would be to NOT see anyone at all while I was there if I was that scared of death via sex. Aren't you still going to have doubts? What if you have a few drinks and then things get hot and heavy... what then? It just seems like it doesn't make much sense... specially if you say you wouldn't trust her even if she said she got negative results.

#2 - Why did you lie to her? You could have been honest with her from the get-go and told her what the problem was. You should have told her what your fear is. I mean, what would you lose by her getting offended and not wanting to talk to you anymore? By telling her that it was because of religious beliefs, she might be inclined to see how far she can go with tempting you.

I don't know... something just doesn't add up about this situation and why you are letting her hang around but without the sex. It just seems that things could turn south in a second...