Absolutely no more underachieving socially for me - had a real epiphany today

[bigdave17]

I sold a car to this mom and son duo today...seriously nicest f***king people I've ever had in 6 years of selling cars (and I've sold maybe 1500 cars in my lifetime). We had a fantastic conversation and they just kept complimenting me over and over and over again and encouraging me to put myself out there and that I should have no problem finding an amazing wife

It just hit me so hard and made me finally realize how badly I've been wasting my potential. With these people, I was just being my natural self and they just absolutely f***king loved me and went on and on about how it was the best car buying experience they've ever had and how they would send their whole family and friends to see me. I kinda realized my problem has been that I'm just not being myself. When I am at my most natural self - not trying to please anybody, not trying to impress anybody, not needing anybody's approval, not trying to get a woman to like me - just staying within myself and being my genuine self, I'm a social powerhouse. Just about everybody I talk to ends up loving being around me. The thing is that it doesn't even matter what the fukk we talk about, people just love my demeanor so they enjoy being around me regardless. This demeanor is the key. It is everything - social skills is 100% about people enjoying your presence. I think 50% of my failures with women has been lack of effort and other 50% has been not being true to myself and coming across desperate or phony or whatever the fukk.

So I went to the gym afterwards with this ferocious sense of pride, I destroyed it in the gym, I saw women checking out me out (the girl at the front desk was checking me out hard). I went to the grocery store afterwards and women in there were all smiling at me, making eye contact, staring at me, etc... The cashier tried 3 times to make conversation with me (she was fat though). I had this cut off sleeves shirt on and my arms were just bulging out like crazy

Moral of the story: no more wasting my potential, no more doubting myself. I'm starting a very hard super positive mental reconditioning and I'm going to convince myself that I deserve a beautiful girlfriend and it will happen.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Social skills in the end is all mental. Having good looks or a strong voice or whatever definitely helps, but if you’re mindset is powerful enough, you can talk to anyone. I speak from experience. I’ve had that before actually, and it was one of the reasons why I came onto this website, to try and amplify it and get it back. I’m getting better though.

 

[bigdave17]

Social skills in the end is all mental. Having good looks or a strong voice or whatever definitely helps, but if you’re mindset is powerful enough, you can talk to anyone. I speak from experience. I’ve had that before actually, and it was one of the reasons why I came onto this website, to try and amplify it and get it back. I’m getting better though.

I agree


Strong social skills mainly comes down to being very comfortable in your skin and being the best version of yourself around people. Combination of the strong social skills plus superficial stuff like looks and money = insane social powerhouse

 

[bigdave17]

why are you talking about your shltty non existent dating life to customers you fvcking weirdo.

It's not on purpose you silly F*ck

this is how conversation goes

Customer: Are you married/have kids yet?
Me: No, I'm single
Customer: What???? how is that possible?? You're a very handsome young man
Me: Nah I'm just picky
Customer: Being picky is good but don't be afraid to put yourself out there. You have nothing to be ashamed off
etc...
Me: thank you so much for your kind words, I really appreciate it
Customer: There are so many women out there dying to meet a great guy like yourself
me: thank you, big smile

I'm paraphrasing here but I'm probably being conservative on the words used. I get complimented so much by my customers, that it's unbelievable

I try to build a very personal relationship with all my customers so I'm very happy they ask me questions like this. I need them to know me as a close friend, not as their sales guy. This is what builds long term loyalty.

I have people who have bought 8 or 9 cars from me because of our relationship. Selling cars is a 2 part process - converting fresh customers into deals at a tremendous rate but equally as important is getting people to love you so much that they buy all their cars from you and refer as much friends and family as possible. Once the negotiation is done and I have some free time, I'm trying to get these people to know everything about me so they don't forget about me next time they're in the market.

youd have gotten pvssy by now if you DIDNT give a flying fvck if people liked you or not.

that's half of what I talked about in the OP

I'm a social powerhouse when I'm being my most natural self

and no I've slept with maybe 12 women. That number could be 30-40+ if I didn't have standards, was okay sleeping with single moms or women over 30 or women who smoked or whatever. A lot of my dating struggles come down to me wanting somebody very specific

 

[MrWood]

Customer: Are you married/have kids yet?
Me: No, I'm single
Customer: What???? how is that possible?? You're a very handsome young man
Me: Nah I'm just picky
Customer: Being picky is good but don't be afraid to put yourself out there. You have nothing to be ashamed off
etc...
Me: thank you so much for your kind words, I really appreciate it
Customer: There are so many women out there dying to meet a great guy like yourself
me: thank you, big smile

thank god I dont suffer through this American bullshvt banter anymore (i just threw up a little in my mouth)

 

[highSpeed]

I sold a car to this mom and son duo today...seriously nicest f***king people I've ever had in 6 years of selling cars (and I've sold maybe 1500 cars in my lifetime). We had a fantastic conversation and they just kept complimenting me over and over and over again and encouraging me to put myself out there and that I should have no problem finding an amazing wife

It just hit me so hard and made me finally realize how badly I've been wasting my potential. With these people, I was just being my natural self and they just absolutely f***king loved me and went on and on about how it was the best car buying experience they've ever had and how they would send their whole family and friends to see me. I kinda realized my problem has been that I'm just not being myself. When I am at my most natural self - not trying to please anybody, not trying to impress anybody, not needing anybody's approval, not trying to get a woman to like me - just staying within myself and being my genuine self, I'm a social powerhouse. Just about everybody I talk to ends up loving being around me. The thing is that it doesn't even matter what the fukk we talk about, people just love my demeanor so they enjoy being around me regardless. This demeanor is the key. It is everything - social skills is 100% about people enjoying your presence. I think 50% of my failures with women has been lack of effort and other 50% has been not being true to myself and coming across desperate or phony or whatever the fukk.

So I went to the gym afterwards with this ferocious sense of pride, I destroyed it in the gym, I saw women checking out me out (the girl at the front desk was checking me out hard). I went to the grocery store afterwards and women in there were all smiling at me, making eye contact, staring at me, etc... The cashier tried 3 times to make conversation with me (she was fat though). I had this cut off sleeves shirt on and my arms were just bulging out like crazy

Moral of the story: no more wasting my potential, no more doubting myself. I'm starting a very hard super positive mental reconditioning and I'm going to convince myself that I deserve a beautiful girlfriend and it will happen.

Why would you be out looking for a wife? Date women, have fun and if an awesome woman comes along who ticks all the boxes, then by all means, marry her and for God's sake, don't marry without an iron clad pre-nup, put your finances in a trust before you marry and boom, be done with it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

 

[BeExcellent]

Good OP. Now go and do.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Customer: Are you married/have kids yet?
Me: No, I'm single
Customer: What???? how is that possible?? You're a very handsome young man
Me: Nah I'm just picky
Customer: Being picky is good but don't be afraid to put yourself out there. You have nothing to be ashamed off
etc...
Me: thank you so much for your kind words, I really appreciate it
Customer: There are so many women out there dying to meet a great guy like yourself
me: thank you, big smile

The only reason they start talking about being afraid to put yourself out there is they feel a very STRONG scared vibe from you.

"Nothing to be ashamed of" wouldn't ever be said to a guy with decent conversation and social skills.

If you had a decent personality, and people asked if you were married and you said no, they would assume you were a player. They wouldn't encourage you to "put yourself out there" unless they KNEW you WEREN'T putting yourself out there.

Since they don't, and they do the opposite (start giving you compliments) they are INSTANTLY AWARE of how needy / scared / lacking in social skills you are.

You are giving off a very needy, very nervous / anxious vibe. You care too much what people think about you. So much you are TERRIFIED of being yourself.

Even

I'm starting a very hard super positive mental reconditioning and I'm going to convince myself that I deserve a beautiful girlfriend and it will happen.

this OP smacks of LOA type bullcrap to paper over your insecurities. People that run around chanting "I deserve to be rich!" are usually broke and terrified of trying to make money.

That you can't seem to understand that only verifies this.

The cashier tried 3 times to make conversation with me (she was fat though).

You're even afraid to have a conversation with ugly checkers because they are not your type.

Know what is a trait of people who are comfortable in their own skin? People that are naturally attractive?

They ENJOY having conversations with other humans without needing to post about it on the interwebs.

Try having a few hundred conversations with people with ZERO outcome. Just talk to people because people are interesting.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Customer: Are you married/have kids yet?
Me: No, I'm single
Customer: What???? how is that possible?? You're a very handsome young man
Me: Nah I'm just picky
Customer: Being picky is good but don't be afraid to put yourself out there. You have nothing to be ashamed off
etc...
Me: thank you so much for your kind words, I really appreciate it
Customer: There are so many women out there dying to meet a great guy like yourself
me: thank you, big smile

Unfortunately, there is usually a gulf between what people will tell you casually when chatting and what your current reality is.

Anyone in a standard social situation (especially a business related one) is going to blow smoke up your a*s and try to make you feel good. It's what humans do.

Not saying that conversation is meaningless or trying to rubbish your self esteem. But off the top of my head I've had elderly neighbours, random girls in shops, girls at parties, girls I've just met and girls I'm friends with all say how I'm muscular and sexy and funny and good looking and BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.

All these people saying I'm 10/10 TEH HOTNESZ WULD DATE U and yet I'm single and the single chicks saying this are not asking if they can bed me, they're just pointlessly telling me they think I'm hot but basically wouldn't date me. So it all means, for all intents and purposes, precisely jack s**t.

Doe eyed stares from girls and chit-chat compliments are cheap and cost nothing for people to shower you with. They don't have to invest in you like a GF or even a casual lover would. So they throw them out all the time whether they're true or not.

You can start feeling super confident when the girls you really like are getting naked for you, and anything less than that is garbage smoke and mirrors.

That's my approach now anyway. I spent years getting my ego fattened up by people's (especially girls') platitudes and niceties. And for all the "amazing qualities" people are constantly TELLING you you have, all you're left with at the end of the day while these girls are banging their actual BFs is a big pile of bulls**t and a lonely internet browser window with p*rnhub on it.

 

[guru1000]

Unfortunately, there is usually a gulf between what people will tell you casually when chatting and what your current reality is.

Anyone in a standard social situation (especially a business related one) is going to blow smoke up your a*s and try to make you feel good. It's what humans do.

Not saying that conversation is meaningless or trying to rubbish your self esteem. But off the top of my head I've had elderly neighbours, random girls in shops, girls at parties, girls I've just met and girls I'm friends with all say how I'm muscular and sexy and funny and good looking and BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.

All these people saying I'm 10/10 TEH HOTNESZ WULD DATE U and yet I'm single and the single chicks saying this are not asking if they can bed me, they're just pointlessly telling me they think I'm hot but basically wouldn't date me. So it all means, for all intents and purposes, precisely jack s**t.

Doe eyed stares from girls and chit-chat compliments are cheap and cost nothing for people to shower you with. They don't have to invest in you like a GF or even a casual lover would. So they throw them out all the time whether they're true or not.

You can start feeling super confident when the girls you really like are getting naked for you, and anything less than that is garbage smoke and mirrors.

That's my approach now anyway. I spent years getting my ego fattened up by people's (especially girls') platitudes and niceties. And for all the "amazing qualities" people are constantly TELLING you you have, all you're left with at the end of the day while these girls are banging their actual BFs is a big pile of bulls**t and a lonely internet browser window with p*rnhub on it.

Simply confirmation bias for OP. It validates whatever he believes about himself by holding on to (or in some cases contriving) words or situations that match his beliefs.

Yes ... proof is in the pudding; that is ... show me RESULTS or STFU. All other "talks" are self-contrivances.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Simply confirmation bias for OP. It validates whatever he believes about himself by holding on to (or in some cases contriving) words or situations that match his beliefs.

Yes ... proof is in the pudding; that is ... show me RESULTS or STFU. All other "talks" are self-contrivances.

It's funny 'cos men do it to each other too. The same schmoozing, ego-pleasing nonsense that means absolutely nothing.

"You alright Smooth, you been working out mate? Looking pretty buff."
"No, I've not worked out for 6 months and I'm 3 stone heavier than last year. I'm fat as f*ck right now, WTF are you talking about?"

Lol.

I think the goal is to be happy with yourself rather than have other people assign your properties through schmoozola. When you look in the mirror and think "I'm ripped to shreds" that's different. Same with having a chick sucking your d*ck rather than TELLING you how "great" you are constantly in a bored voice.