Abruptly Broke Up

[Amilz]

I was dating a a single mother who is 39. We had a great time together. Never argued but we'd debate and she was just a genuinely fun person to be around. At my age (35), I just don't find young self absorbed women relationship material. I stayed over at her place several days a week and we always enjoyed each others company but we have different core beliefs.

I'm not religious at all and she is but she seemed openminded and we have discussions about space, spirituality and religious history. Last week she said I made her feel like she was 15 again and giddy. She saw us long term but she said "I don't like that you don't have much faith" or "if there is one thing I could change about you is that you would have more faith". I don't remember which one exactly.
A couple days later she said she was falling for me. I was still taken a back by her wanting to change me so I kind of blew her off.

Today we were supposed to hang out and I just texted her what she said and how that was an issue with me. I broke it up impulsively, bluntly. I think the hard part to deal with is that she was playful, giving, and empathetic. Logically, it was probably inevitable. She handled it well, just said fair enough and we were saving each other heart ache down the road. I think attracted to her adherence to something beyond her and maybe she had a point. We need to believe in something she kept reiterating.

I talked to her later in the night and we talked and she handled it well saying that's closure for both of us. What's the other option going back to chasing vain women online? At the end of the day what's more important than being with positive people. It's frustrating, my way of thinking has led to a lot of blocked paths.

 

[Desdinova]

I broke it up impulsively, bluntly

It's better that you did. The way I see it, your tolerance for incompatible women is going up. Breaking up with them is becoming automatic for you.

At my age (35), I just don't find young self absorbed women relationship material

Not all young women are self-absored. I'm 38 and my GF is 23. If you really look, you'll be able to find young women who don't have the loads of baggage (both physical and emotional) that are a given with women who are older than 27.

 

[Amilz]

We got back together shortly after and it's been the best relationship I've been in. The past year and a half have flown by. Now something bigger is holding me back. When I first met her I found out within a couple of weeks she couldn't have any more kids. It was something on my mind and I pushed it aside. I wasn't sure if I was ready or would ever be ready to have kids. I would marry her in a heartbeat if she could. I don't know what to do now and I don't know why this urge to have my own kids has grown so strong. I feel like I'm hit with my own mortality if I don't. The only option is surrogacy and she isn't comfortable with that and I'm not sure I am either. We are at a fork in the road. She's been waiting on my this whole time to make a decision.

 

[Von]

We got back together shortly after and it's been the best relationship I've been in. The past year and a half have flown by. Now something bigger is holding me back. When I first met her I found out within a couple of weeks she couldn't have any more kids. It was something on my mind and I pushed it aside. I wasn't sure if I was ready or would ever be ready to have kids. I would marry her in a heartbeat if she could. I don't know what to do now and I don't know why this urge to have my own kids has grown so strong. I feel like I'm hit with my own mortality if I don't. The only option is surrogacy and she isn't comfortable with that and I'm not sure I am either. We are at a fork in the road. She's been waiting on my this whole time to make a decision.

You solved the religion issue how? When ?

You could adopt kids ?

I guess kids are something to talk at that age when you start dating (and she's 42 atleast?)

She has a kid already? You could adopt that one

 

[Dash Riprock]

Given all the reasons people break up, honestly, yours was pretty stupid dude. If you were as compatible as you described, and as HARD as it is to meet people of quality, and you just decided to flush it without trying to work through it, then you had one bag packed by the door to begin with. I think you deserve to date the shallow OLD women you'd be relegated to dating. So you have another chance, don't be a douche and f*uck this shot up too.

Just being candid.

 

[Amilz]

You solved the religion issue how? When ?

You could adopt kids ?

I guess kids are something to talk at that age when you start dating (and she's 42 atleast?)

She has a kid already? You could adopt that one

Yea, we solved the religion issue almost immediately. She said she made a big mistake and hadn't dated someone like me so it was different. She was raised to date other religious people.

She's in her early 40's. He's a good kid and has a dad that's very involved with his life. I couldn't and wouldn't want to get in between that anymore than I am. We discussed adoption. She kind of got excited about that. I think I could do it but I don't feel as strongly about it. I have a physiological craving to have a biological child. Maybe I'm just self sabotaging. I don't know for sure. It's overwhelming.

I know I don't want to end up like someone I know. She waited too long, stayed with their boyfriend who promised to give her a kid and he didn't. She said she would only marry him if he did. They got married and he stalled for too long from my understanding and now she can't. There is a sadness there I wouldn't want anyone to experience.

 

[Amilz]

Given all the reasons people break up, honestly, yours was pretty stupid dude. If you were as compatible as you described, and as HARD as it is to meet people of quality, and you just decided to flush it without trying to work through it, then you had one bag packed by the door to begin with. I think you deserve to date the shallow OLD women you'd be relegated to dating. So you have another chance, don't be a douche and f*uck this shot up too.

Just being candid.

I was compatible in many ways and also not compatible in a very important way as well. Maybe I do deserve shallow women. Maybe I don't. We aren't giving up the same thing and what I'm giving up I may grow to resent and become bitter which will only hurt both of us long term. I'm not just thinking of just myself. I don't want to just walk away. If it were that easy I wouldn't have posted for feedback. I've seen the kind of bitterness some sacrifices can cause. That festers and is harmful for everyone involved.

There is a bigger picture. There is also different stages in life and goals to account for. Compatibility in certain areas especially when discussing family is not just something that can be ignored based on the ease or even love of a relationship.