About to finally crack? Maybe!!

[Buddha_Mind]

I'm not sure anyone in life has it all figured out, and I'd say even the most successful DJ, careersmen, anything, has felt real depression at times in life. There is no magical solutions manual to some things -- and as Jophil once pointed out, we don't always get closure that we want. Life is complex. So the fact that you're near losing your mind, I would say, does not invalidate you or make you less human or some life-failure. I think some of this is PART OF LIFE.

If you look at any Great Mind, it was through resistance and struggle that defined and shaped them -- it was not through the simple victories -- but the real moments of pain and confusion in life. This is how heroes are formed. You are struggling -- you are in pain -- you are doubting yourself -- [great minds have done all of these things and still found great success] -- stay true to yourself and find ways to really reach into life in a new way. I agree with others that some life-adventure of the unexpected might rekindle you...don't let yourself spiral down...change up your life in a dramatic way if it needs to be done...there are always avenues...

I know it is easy to say it and harder to internalize it, but don't let yourself spiral down in despair Squirrels -- you are a hardworking committed dude to self-progress, and although the world does not fit your mold you'd like it to -- there is no reason happiness and gratification cannot be created by your own self doing. Stay positive in all the ways you can and do things that build you up and challenge you.

Regarding self-isolation, xbox-ism -- someone once told me if you are feeling a reclusive period, go with it, maybe by pulling back in and having that introspection, you will find clarity and self-understanding. But at the same time, be weary of extremes, because by isolating yourself too much, you will miss the catalysts of other people and situations and challenges that might make you grow.

Stay up brother. You'll be okay. We all have felt pain and confusion and suffering at times -- keep trying to be the best self you can be.

 

[EastWind]

Squirrel,

there have been two threads of mine where I've spilled my mind because I needed to talk about things important to me where you subscribed to my notions, telling me you felt the exact same way, and one thread of yours where I did the same.

This is, again, a thread that nearly perfectly describes the thoughts that are going through my head.

The feeling of having different hats for different situations. On the one hand, it's probably healthy to behave somewhat differently in different situations. As in, you don't behave the same around friends and someone who's mugging you. But how far can you take this before you start to feel "in-congruent"? I don't have an answer. But I know that I feel that way.

I also feel that all the rules, all the thoughts, all the psychology flying around here is actually hurting my game. And I've had quite a number of women telling me I'm actually "rude" over the last few weeks. So what does this mean? Am I taking everything too far? Or is it just BS coming from women when they try to ****-test you? I suppose the success with these women counts in the end - and I have literally failed at everything in the last few months.

You have found yourself a girl who apparently wants to stay with you... and after read everything on here, you know that can't be. Because all attention from girls is just conditional. It's just because of something you're doing. You don't know what it is, because you don't consider yourself a man that could actually keep a girl. I'm just guessing here, because, like I said, we seem to feel the same on this topic. We've read enough on this board to believe that only some mythical alpha male who actually cares nothing about a woman can keep her. We don't see ourselves as this kind of guy, so we have no clue why she's staying with us. Because the moment where she gets bored is probably only days away, when her woman-logic will dictate to her what random sh!t to do next.

So at least you've found a girl. I've been dealing with myself ever since my mom died and my girl left me because I "changed" (hear, hear) and I haven't had any success with women ever since. Only inexperienced girls seem to be attracted to me. I can't get behind it. I'm probably much more ****ed up than I believe.

In the end, in theory, it probably comes down to finding out what you want to do in life. I don't really have any ideas, except that I want to have a job that I like doing and a life that is fairly stable. That probably comes from the fact that I never had any stability in my family, so I'm looking for stable environments.

But, as you wrote, I don't understand passions. Other guys and girls seem to have these hobbies that they're really into, that fulfills them, they can spend so much time on them. I can't. What's the point? I have things that I have fun doing - ballroom dancing, for example. But what is a passion? I have no idea.

 

[DanelMadr]

the answer to these problems is inside you. This can help you How to Dissolve the Egoic Self by Using Non-Identification

 

[ThunderMaverick]

and to one of these voices at least, Iqqi is starting to make sense. :woo:

90% of the time it's the booze speaking for her, but she has a few nuggets.

 

[Sue Madre]

90% of the time it's the booze speaking for her, but she has a few nuggets.

they should just hook up. 2 psychos belong together.

Hey squirrels, don't end up like Mike Flanagan, ok?

 

[JimmyMack]

I came very close to a nervous breakdown...had to listen to some U2, calm my mind, and get the "voices" under control.

squirrels, I've found myself in a similar place many times before, and at the risk of sounding 'new-agey', I would suggest trying sitting meditation.

For myself, I've found that when I feel this way it is because I've attached myself to an overwhelming amount of negative or destructive thoughts that are happening in my head. Sometimes I relate it to walking into Best Buy and the wall of TV's are all on different channels and are all demanding my attention.

The idea of meditation is to recognize these thoughts but not to attach ourselves to any certain one. One analogy is that our mind can be like the reflective nature of a lake - when birds fly overhead, the lake reflects their shadow but does not follow them past its shore.

In Buddhist psychotherapy there is a term called "Brilliant Sanity" which describes our nature as possessing sanity at all times even though we may feel detached from it.

It may not be the right flavor for everyone, but often times when my mind gets overwhelmed, meditation helps me focus on what's going on without attaching to any one thought. This doesn't give any answers but it's another way of keeping the voices from being louder than my own.

 

[DJ Logic]

No offense but you kinda sound like a whiny fag with all these ZOMG! Existential Crisis!! posts. I took them seriously at first but this has been going on for years now and you show zero signs of progress.

Your problem is blindingly simple. You are a coward, afraid to live one way or another, over-thinking every fork in the road of life to the point of paralysis and madness. There is only one cure for such a condition

SNAP THE FÜCK OUT OF IT! :box:

Seriously either sh-t or get off the pot son. The answers you seek aint on SoSuave.

 

[Sue Madre]

In case anyone is wondering who Mike Flanagan was. He was the former general manager and player of the Baltimore Orioles and he had everything in life that was great, except he decided to put a shotgun in his mouth and end it all. This just proves that money and fame won't buy happiness:

http://eye-on-baseball.blogs.cbssports.com/mcc/blogs/entry/22297882/31532739

The man put a shotgun in his mouth and blew his head off a few days ago. Just thought I would share.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

The whole Don Juan thing is only going to keep girls that like to play games themselves in your life. The good ones will walk right out.

Thats why you just need to take this material with a grain of salt. It teaches you a lot about the cons of the "nice guy" and the pros of the "jerk", but when it comes down to it.. Women want neither.

I met a very amazing girl a few weeks ago. Completely amazing HB8, I've never had this much chemistry with a girl before. I was neither a needy nice guy, nor an arrogant jerk with her.. I was just, GET THIS... MY CONFIDENT SELF. And this girl is so fvcking turned on just thinking about me. I decided to say fvck this game sh1t, I will just approach girls that I find cute and take them out a few times and get to know them.

Getting girls is the easiest thing. You don't need canned openers or any of this other crap. All you need is inner game, you need to love yourself, and you're set.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Getting girls is the easiest thing. You don't need canned openers or any of this other crap. All you need is inner game, you need to love yourself, and you're set.

Alex, please do not take offense to this, but I read a thread in the past where you stated you were a virgin still -- how are we all supposed to gain truths about this sh!t from people in this boat? Again, I'm not knocking you here -- we were all virgins at one point -- and I sure as hell have been in the AFC-sh!t-mode for awhile; but really guys, for fvcks sake, let's weight the opinions of people who have been around the block a bit before we set our minds on the landscape.

 

[Die Hard]

The whole Don Juan thing is only going to keep girls that like to play games themselves in your life. The good ones will walk right out.

Thats why you just need to take this material with a grain of salt. It teaches you a lot about the cons of the "nice guy" and the pros of the "jerk", but when it comes down to it.. Women want neither.

You clearly aren't familiar with the body of thoughts behind SoSuave and the term 'Don Juan'. Do your homework please...

 

[zekko]

You clearly aren't familiar with the body of thoughts behind SoSuave and the term 'Don Juan'. Do your homework please...

He has a point in that there are different schools of thought here. Some of the advice is geared pretty specifically toward short term gain. I like the school of thought that encourages you to improve and become a high value renaissance man (DJ).

The other school of thought, which seems to set up the @sshole jerk as the highest state of man you can aspire to - not so much.

 

[iqqi]

No offense but you kinda sound like a whiny fag with all these ZOMG! Existential Crisis!! posts. I took them seriously at first but this has been going on for years now and you show zero signs of progress.

Your problem is blindingly simple. You are a coward, afraid to live one way or another, over-thinking every fork in the road of life to the point of paralysis and madness. There is only one cure for such a condition

SNAP THE FÜCK OUT OF IT! :box:

Seriously either sh-t or get off the pot son. The answers you seek aint on SoSuave.

Man, I was just thinking this exact same thing, all the way to the brash mean in your face advice at the end.

Squirrels, next time you find yourself being super emo, take a step back, recognize you are being super emo, and say to yourself "I am acting like a little b!tch". That is when you laugh at yourself, the same way you would if you screamed like a little b!tch after a mouse ran over your foot.

And then be cool.

Or, think to yourself, "it isn't that serious".

I think my next post to you might have to be a bunch of lines to tell yourself once you get to that emo "crack point".

 

[squirrels]

I'm not gonna argue with that...in normal circumstances, I would laugh at myself for flipping out like that.

There were circumstances involved that forced me to confront this crisis in a more immediate way, and I wasn't ready for it at all. Fortunately, those circumstances are no longer in-play, and now that all of this psycho-baggage I've been building up is out in the open, I can take my time and deal with it "like a man".

I am having a VERY hard time with the ideas of adulthood, aging, and death. It honestly makes me question the purpose of anything in life. If death is the ultimate end to everything we do...why not just jump right to it? Why go through this stupid dance of living if we eventually just die anyway? What's the point? Some God somewhere in his vanity watching his universe evolve into a consciousness of some kind, where each piece does what it does for a few decades and then expendably fades away, the so-called "life-energy" fading into a pool to be recycled or dissipating across some dimension we don't understand?

Or is the truth more existential than that? Is consciousness, the "self" really just an illusion? Is the notion of "self-awareness" just a conceptualization created by chemical reactions in a nervous system to help the cells organize themselves? Am "I" not, and is thought just echoes of nature in a cave of nerves? Is there NO point to it? Is there an "it"? Is there even a "there"??

We talk all the time about "self-improvement", how to make ourselves better men. But to what end? Pleasure? Self-gratification? That works for the first decade or two of your life, sure...but after that, self-gratification just isn't enough, as you start to realize that "you" are not the only entity out there. You start to put yourself aside and live in a way that gratifies others as well...and then THAT makes you feel good.

But few people take the NEXT step...realizing that if you can put yourself aside as unimportant and give instead to others, then why can't you put THEM aside as well?? After all, THEY are asked to do so and most do without hesitation. So why can't they put you aside? Or you them?

And if you aren't important, and others aren't important...then WHAT IS??

Yes, I'm afraid. But what I'm afraid of is not mattering...of being insignificant. And worse, of overestimating my own significance to the point of arrogance. I do it well enough, sure. In many cases I actually get people to believe it.

But then I see them doing the same thing...I see through their "tricks", even when THEY don't, because I do the same damned thing. I like to feel self-important like anyone else. The difference is that when confronted with it, they don't even acknowledge it. That's what makes me different...they deal with these questions by outright denial and refusal to even consider the possibility that maybe they DON'T matter.

I stare that realization directly in the face...and yes, I am afraid.

But I can deal with that fear by myself...by keeping other people at arm's length. If I let them into my world, that reality comes as part of it. That's why I'm alone all the time...because most people simply refuse to deal with that notion of relative human unimportance, or it scares or saddens them.

Recent events forced me to consider the possibility of having someone else in my life with me...and I was afraid for them. I didn't want to pass that perspective on to another person...I'd rather they be happy and that what I see remains "unseen" to others as they would prefer it. But it permeates my being, and anyone who wants to spend time in my life would slowly become infected by it.

This girl I've been seeing...she has a quasi-spiritual way of dealing with the notion and, based on the assumption that she understands things I do not (which is debatable), can somehow deal with being in my life. At least so far. I have a feeling eventually she'll crack and leave me to my struggle as well.

I'm kind of resolved to the fact that I'll have to face this meaningless-in-the-end reality...but I feel like I need to face it alone, that it's wrong for me to expose anyone else to that notion.

Normally it's enough to just say, "have fun in the meantime - enjoy life and make the most of it". Which I do. But it's always tainted by the knowledge that at the end of a certain span of time, oblivion is waiting.

And that span of time keeps getting shorter every day.

 

[speed dawg]

I'm not gonna argue with that...in normal circumstances, I would laugh at myself for flipping out like that.

There were circumstances involved that forced me to confront this crisis in a more immediate way, and I wasn't ready for it at all. Fortunately, those circumstances are no longer in-play, and now that all of this psycho-baggage I've been building up is out in the open, I can take my time and deal with it "like a man".

I am having a VERY hard time with the ideas of adulthood, aging, and death. It honestly makes me question the purpose of anything in life. If death is the ultimate end to everything we do...why not just jump right to it? Why go through this stupid dance of living if we eventually just die anyway? What's the point? Some God somewhere in his vanity watching his universe evolve into a consciousness of some kind, where each piece does what it does for a few decades and then expendably fades away, the so-called "life-energy" fading into a pool to be recycled or dissipating across some dimension we don't understand?

Or is the truth more existential than that? Is consciousness, the "self" really just an illusion? Is the notion of "self-awareness" just a conceptualization created by chemical reactions in a nervous system to help the cells organize themselves? Am "I" not, and is thought just echoes of nature in a cave of nerves? Is there NO point to it? Is there an "it"? Is there even a "there"??

We talk all the time about "self-improvement", how to make ourselves better men. But to what end? Pleasure? Self-gratification? That works for the first decade or two of your life, sure...but after that, self-gratification just isn't enough, as you start to realize that "you" are not the only entity out there. You start to put yourself aside and live in a way that gratifies others as well...and then THAT makes you feel good.

But few people take the NEXT step...realizing that if you can put yourself aside as unimportant and give instead to others, then why can't you put THEM aside as well?? After all, THEY are asked to do so and most do without hesitation. So why can't they put you aside? Or you them?

And if you aren't important, and others aren't important...then WHAT IS??

Yes, I'm afraid. But what I'm afraid of is not mattering...of being insignificant. And worse, of overestimating my own significance to the point of arrogance. I do it well enough, sure. In many cases I actually get people to believe it.

But then I see them doing the same thing...I see through their "tricks", even when THEY don't, because I do the same damned thing. I like to feel self-important like anyone else. The difference is that when confronted with it, they don't even acknowledge it. That's what makes me different...they deal with these questions by outright denial and refusal to even consider the possibility that maybe they DON'T matter.

I stare that realization directly in the face...and yes, I am afraid.

But I can deal with that fear by myself...by keeping other people at arm's length. If I let them into my world, that reality comes as part of it. That's why I'm alone all the time...because most people simply refuse to deal with that notion of relative human unimportance, or it scares or saddens them.

Recent events forced me to consider the possibility of having someone else in my life with me...and I was afraid for them. I didn't want to pass that perspective on to another person...I'd rather they be happy and that what I see remains "unseen" to others as they would prefer it. But it permeates my being, and anyone who wants to spend time in my life would slowly become infected by it.

This girl I've been seeing...she has a quasi-spiritual way of dealing with the notion and, based on the assumption that she understands things I do not (which is debatable), can somehow deal with being in my life. At least so far. I have a feeling eventually she'll crack and leave me to my struggle as well.

I'm kind of resolved to the fact that I'll have to face this meaningless-in-the-end reality...but I feel like I need to face it alone, that it's wrong for me to expose anyone else to that notion.

Normally it's enough to just say, "have fun in the meantime - enjoy life and make the most of it". Which I do. But it's always tainted by the knowledge that at the end of a certain span of time, oblivion is waiting.

And that span of time keeps getting shorter every day.

This is where our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ comes into play. You are scared because you know there is an end, and you're not certain what comes after it. Very lonely feeling to be afraid all the time.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Seems to me you have lost (or never had) the desire and/or ability to give your thoughts boundaries and you let them run away into infinity. Therefore they are your master.

Maintaining sanity involves creating a reality and working within the structure you have created. When you let your thought run hog-wild, there is no structure, no reality, only despair.

Everyone's reality is a work of fiction, by and large. Everyone's. Given this reality, why not create your own reality so that it serves you? Use it; Don't let it use you.

I honestly perceive that your problems stem from mental laziness, a refusal to stop your thoughts and command them. Thoughts and ideas are kind of like kites. If you let out too much string, the kite will go sailing off into infinity and you lose something. Instead, I try to keep the kite at a healthy altitude and tell it, "This far, and no more." My reward is a nice afternoon of enjoying my kites as their master.

You are allowing your mind to expand away from you just as the universe expands away from its center. You probably feel deep inside that unless you allow each thought and idea to expand to its ultimate conclusion, you are somehow cheating yourself or simply doing the wrong thing. I know, I've been there. Your thoughts are wild stallions who strain to break free, but the problem with that is that you are disintegrating in the process. You need to integrate yourself, and you need to start now. That involves STOPPING your thoughts at an appropriate point and creating a reality that SERVES you. Accept that life and sanity involve writing your own story, and that every story is fiction. Think of the power behind that concept, but don't think too much.

Use life, don't let it use you. You must create structure and demand that your thoughts serve you. Get over that vague feeling of there being something wrong with limiting your introspection.

Take it from someone who used to be just like you. Or reject it. Your choice.

Edit: Don't reject speed dawg's advice out-of-hand. Keep it on the table. Life is one huge paradox. Most people regard spiritual matters as fiction. The paradox of life demands that we entertain at least the possibility that our own intellectual and emotional constructs are fiction and that there really is a reality such as speed dawg suggests.

As a moderator, I am bound to enforce the "no religion" mandate so we need to leave it at that. Any further comments about specific religions will be deleted by me in fulfillment of my duties here. This is not the ideal but is absolutely necessary in order to prevent the inevitable raging flame wars that ensue. I want to keep this thread alive because this thread is about helping out and being there for our friend Squirrels, k? Thanks...

 

[squirrels]

I didn't notice you were a moderator, A-S...but after reading that I think you're an excellent choice for one.

There's a lot of wisdom in your response.

There's definitely room for spirituality there. As I said, others who CAN deal with my perspective/attitude usually have some belief that there ARE things going on at levels of consciousness beyond what we as humans are capable of understanding.

However, with my natural desire to understand, it is very difficult for me to just "ignore the questions" in my head. I want to KNOW why. I want to understand how the universe works.

You know it bothers me tremendously, for example, that I can't truly visualize the Einsteinian concept of gravity as a distortion of spacetime in 3 or more dimensions. I am fine with the simple 2-D illustrations of it ( http://www.physicsoftheuniverse.com/images/relativity_light_bending.jpg ), but when I try to get my head around that idea in 3 dimensions, try to get my head around the idea of things falling because space is bent in that direction rather than because of some Newtonian "attractive force", it bugs me that I can't get my head around it.

A typical engineer is just fine with using a Newtonian understanding of gravity to build buildings or bridges or anything else...it's "close enough". The simplification drives me nuts, though.

Some thoughts are easy to reign in, primarily because the topics of consideration don't matter that much. But what matters more than life and death? It is literally "a matter of life and death".

My concern is that reigning in thoughts limits possibilities. I don't want to be kicking myself when I figure something out at age 70 that I could've known at 50 or 40 and realize I missed out on what could've been something really awesome.

If you understand the reasons for the "rules of life", you start to understand the exceptions, and that allows you to do things that you wouldn't normally be able to do.

I don't feel qualified to judge how far these thoughts can go...as long as they have further to go, I feel like I have a responsibility to THEM, like my ideas and thoughts running ARE my reason for living. Because if I don't let them run, if I don't have these thoughts, no one ELSE will, and the universe as a whole misses out.

 

[Die Hard]

Bullsh!t. Your thoughts are nothing new, I've had them all a long time ago, and I've went WAY further down the rabbit hole than you are now, trust me on it.

Sadly enough, I can't help you here. I know exactly where you are, you need to see this through till the end. You need to find the rational answers to your questions, on your own. You won't accept them from me or anyone else if anyone would present them to you, it's your journey to make...

The most important and absolutely critical help on my journey, was reading Arthur Schopenhauer's "Die Welt als Wille und Vorstellung". Regardless whether there are flaws in his philosophical system, following him through his extensive explanations will eventually kickstart your mind into solving the puzzle.


Now give us an update on this woman of yours, please?

 

[zekko]

We talk all the time about "self-improvement", how to make ourselves better men. But to what end? Pleasure? Self-gratification?

Whatever the reason, I definitely don't think it's for pleasure or self gratification. It's a responsibility to be the best we can be, to take advantage of our time here. I'm the first to admit I've been a huge failure at this (how many of us really live up to our potential?). But while we're here we either keep trying or we lay down and die.

I was actually depressed a lot in my 20s, but as I got older I changed my attitude. I think you're indulging yourself with negative thoughts. At some point you have to realize there isn't any good that can come of that.

 

[DanelMadr]

Squirrels, 3rd dimension of space-time? Reallly?
And the big question WHY?

Although these are very interesting and challenging questions you have to take it easy.

1. Lots of possibly much smarter guys ended up in Sanitarium picking their noses after trying to answer these questions.

2. When your mind asks these questions it is often only a camouflage to take you away from more important questions about yourself.

Answering these questions can be a nice hobby but only that. At given time when convinient. You can't solve this during sleepless nights.

And you have to come up with sufficient preliminary conclusion. Which can be in sense of these>
Why? Why not.
Who gives a shyt. I don't give a fvuck.

You need to sort yourself out first. Change routines. No alcohol or other drugs. Plenty of sleep and some excersize. Meditation instead of TV or dating dramas. Learn to cut your wandering thoughts short (F@ck it, not now, stupid brain). Don't analyze, observe.

And get rid of that stupid fear of death and not enough time. And don't expect there is possible happiness waiting for you in the future if you figure out the right path to it. There is no happiness only brief moments of it. And if you stop looking for it will make your present moment muuuuch better.

Take out your past and forgive yourself and others. Stop worrying about future. Start to live NOW. Not after to figure this or that. NOW, Squirrels.


If neccessary, change job, town, state, country. Snap out of it.
Yo, and read some of your own advices. You have it figured out for others ;-)