About to be blown off?

[onemorerobot]

Today I called this girl I've been seeing to tell her I want to come pick her up tomorrow night. I ask what she has going on and she tells me that she has work from 2 pm to 6 pm. I ask her about after work and she tells me she has no idea. I say "why don't I come pick you up tomorrow night, then?" She hesitates and then tells me that it would be cool. I ask her if she's sure and she tells me yes, that she was just caught off guard, distracted by something. She was in the car with one of her friends and apparently something happened. I don't know, I couldn't really hear what she said. Anyway, she tells me just to call her before I come and get her. My thinking is that it doesn't really make any difference if I call her or not. Why couldn't I have just given her the time that I was planning on coming over? Or did she just need time to make up some excuse not to go?

 

[Ace_McGregor]

Girls that say "call me before you come" most likely have low IL and are trying to blow you off. That what I think is happening to you. I bet if you did (or already have) called her she wouldn't answer her phone.

My advice would be to not call at all. Then she if she tries to make contact with you.

 

[onemorerobot]

Well, every time I've called her so far, which has been only to set up dates, she's answered her phone.

 

[Ace_McGregor]

If you have a gut feeling you're going to get blown off, chances are you're right.

I guess the only way you can know will be to call. If she doesn't answer or she flakes act like you don't care and you're going to go do something else. If she doesn't answer - the next time you talk to her don't mention the "date". Wait and see if she brings it up so you can gauge her IL.

 

[onemorerobot]

That was going to be my next question. How do I raise her interest level? I mean months before I finally got her number, she was giving signs left and right. I don't know that I really have a gut feeling that she's going to blow me off. She's a little hard to read. Add to that the fact that she has ADD.

 

[d9930380]

It's hard to read this from the info given but one line is worrying you waited months before getting her number when she was giving you signs. How often have you dated? How physical have you been? Why did you wait months before getting her number?

It could be:

1) She's getting you back for not getting her number earlier, maybe you where flirting but not doing anything. And she will cancel when you phone.

2) Her and her friend are planning something (maybe the above), maybe just to go out. So she wants to be able to cancel without actually having to do it.

3) She's playing a little hard to get because you made her wait before you got her number and she's turning the tables.

Two choices:

1) Cancel, and make other arangements stating that something came up.
2) Proceed as if everything is fine.

Cancel is probably better for the ego because at least you've taken charge and you're not allowing her to dictate dates on her terms but it's risky. Proceed is more a woosy thing to do but if there is nothing wrong then you haven't created a problem by cancelling a date.

Unfortunately the mistake has already been made - you should have said at the time "if you're not sure you'll be free then we should make it another time, I'll give you a call later on in the week".

 

[onemorerobot]

Well, the reason it's taken me so long to get her number is because I was kind of involved with someone else for a while. As for how long we've been dating, it's been a couple of weeks now. Physically it's gone so far as kissing. Also, I did try to tell her that we could do it another time if she wasn't sure, but she interrupted me and told me "no, no, no it's cool".

 

[Ace_McGregor]

Just play it kind of aloof, don't accept any more "maybe" dates (like d99 said), and don't spill your guts to her. If she's somewhat interested in you, her interest level should go higher. Good luck!

 

[onemorerobot]

Thanks guys. So far I don't think I've really been spilling my guts to her. I've made that mistake in the past and it's not one I want to repeat. I've just been trying to focus on getting to know her and only really talking about myself if she asks. Regardless of how tonight goes though, I'm definitely not going to call her for a while.

 

[onemorerobot]

Ok, so I called her up and asked if she was ready to go. She tells me that she's on her way to a friend's to help with something computer-related. She asks me if she can call me back. I tell her yes and she calls back about thirty minutes later. She tells me about how she was in a wreck yesterday and how she and her friends were trying to fix her car somewhat. She asks if I'd want to hang out later tonight around 9 or 10. I told her we wouldn't have time to do anything and that we could just do it another night. I'm just going to disappear for a while.

 

[Ace_McGregor]

Good job! You didn't act too desperate to go out with her. Give it a week off and then ask her out again.

 

[onemorerobot]

Will do, and thanks again guys for all of your input.

 

[onemorerobot]

So it's been over a week since we last talked over the phone. She came into work today around the time I was leaving. I was just walking out like I didn't even see her when she says, "John got a hair-cut". It was obvious she was directing this toward me. I said yes, that I did get my hair cut and then asked her if she liked it. "I DO like it" she answered. I said, "cool" and then I left. I didn't want to stay and chat. I'm thinking I might give her a call tonight. Or perhaps I should wait until tomorrow?

 

[onemorerobot]

Haha, nevermind. SHE just called me from work and wants to hang out sometime this week. I told her I'd have to check my schedule first.

 

[flexion_]

Yep I like the way you are handling things now. Good work.

 

[onemorerobot]

Now I'm just a little annoyed. She said she got off work today at 2:30 and didn't have to be at school until 6:00 and that we could hang out then if I wanted. I told her that would be cool and to just give me a call whenever she was ready. It's going on 4:30 now and still no call. Wtf? How would we have time to do anything between now and when I'd have to take her home?

 

[specialed]

she's trying to play the player right now...just chill.

 

[onemorerobot]

God, I hate playing games.

 

[specialed]

didn't you ASK to be in 2 weeks full of games? lol...maybe it's just me.

 

[onemorerobot]

I suppose you're right.