About my looks

[SayWhat]

Hi all

This is going to be the most pathetic post I'll ever make on this forum, hopefully in the future I can look back at this thread and laugh. But now I just don't feel like it, let me explain.

In my life I've had girls come up to me and say that I was pretty. I've heard from friends that certain girls told them that they thought I was good looking. I've seen girls who kept looking at  me and smiling (let us just assume it was because of interest and not of how weird I look/act). 

But the problem, and this is the pathetic part, is when I look at myself in pictures, I find myself hideous. Like today, I already took about 100 pictures of myself just to find some pictures where I feel ok with how I look. But there aren't any. There is so much wrong with my face... I avoid camera's at parties and if there is a picture taken I ask the camera with the excuse 'can I have a look at all the pictures you've already taken' and simply delete the ones where I'm on.

When I look in the mirror I'm satisfied with myself, but unfortunately, what you see in the mirror is not how people see you. They see you how you look in a picture.

I know this isn't really about advice about girls. But I believe becoming a DJ is about having the right mindset and clearly my mindset is miles away from being right. I'm also aware that personality is a bit more important to girls, but when I feel so insecure about my looks, it shows in how I act, what and how I say something, not feeling good enough,...

What can I do to get over this?

 

[alpha_ash]

Everyone looks different and it's good that you aren't self-absorbed like me. You will find a better girl than most of us who think very highly of our looks. Care to share a picture of yourself? I think it might help us to tell you that it's just your perception that is skewed rather than you actually being an ugly guy.

PS: before you type "homo" comment, here's something for you. Real men are comfortable with distinguishing a handsome man.

 

[SayWhat]

About the gay thing, not at all. I too distinguish handsome men.

About the picture, I want to keep myself as anonymous as possible, you never know who is also on this forum. And if I would post a picture, I'd probably pick the best one with which I'm comfortable and not one of the many which look bad.

Although I realize posting a picture would solve it once and for all...

 

[Trailboss]

I have been in the same boat since I was a teen! Yet, the 2 women I married and others I have dated have all made a big deal over how "handsome" I am, how "good looking" and how much more "good looking" I get as I mature...I suppose I should just roll with it but...I just don't see it!

 

[GotED?]

Here's the thing about a man's self-esteem, self-image, and self-confidence which is the ultimatum of whether you have game or not....

When you take a picture of yourself, you are not going to get the result you want. You know why? You are not being natural and the smile is forced. When you are having your photo taken by someone who you enjoy and are relaxed (and hopefully you are with someone you are very happy with next to you), your photos will dramatically be different and attractive. If you don't believe me, look at photos of you taken by other people with someone you enjoy with NEXT to you.

Remember, photo is the capturing of one quick moment in time. Some people are not 'photogenic' therefore have a huge scope of facial expressions available. Some people never move their face much and stays relatively the same in all photos.

It is true that your self-confidence is the ultimate magnetic attraction to women wanting you. You must first acertain what level is your looks AND personality (are you confident on the inside as well as the outside: sense of humor, charismatic, quick witted, romantic, strong eye-contact, etc). As we judge women by HB 6, 7, 8... etc... What level of package are you?

Be realistic - look back at your past with what level of women you have been with and level of attractiveness. You must take away points for those who have children because they are not on the same playground as single women who are childless and has no baggage. Also those who have been divorced will also settle or lesser looking men just because.

Once you figure out what your own looks is worth (that is what matters FIRST before you even speak a word), then you can realistically focus on what level of women you should be gaming with. If you try to game women better looking than you by far, you are in for an ass whipping time because they will look down on you and dominate your self-esteem. However, if you find women who you are comfortable with (and you are not jealous/insecure/possessive all the time) then you will have a much better journey with women as well as protecting your self-esteem and self-image.

The problem with most men is this: Men who are inexperienced will always try for the HB Holy Grail (HB 7-9's women) because they lack self-esteem and think a hot girlfriend in their arms will make them feel good about themselves. They will inadvertently destroy themselves because good looking women know what level of guys they can get - way more than you will ever know. Good looking women date DOWN lesser looking men for the reason they know you will worship their vag/appearance and dominate you.

Most men don't get this until they have reached the Holy Grail, been ass-whipped by a HB 8 or 9 who has BPD, HPD, or a muthafuken cursed self-entitlement issue, and then adjust down to the proper level of women that has quality instead of fake exteriors.

Didn't mean to make a novel out of this, hope it helps.

With Respect,

Exodus

 

[Mike32ct]

How we see ourselves and how women see us is sometimes very different.

I've always thought I was decent to slightly above average in looks. Never hot, just sort of ok on the eyes. But only a very small percentage of women agree with me. I accept that. It is what it is.

You sound very fortunate in that women like your looks.

What is it about your look that troubles you?

Maybe a different haircut, different clothes, etc. will give you a look that you are comfortable with, without significantly compromising your look to women. Done right, you might improve your look AND how you feel about yourself.

 

[zekko]

what you see in the mirror is not how people see you. They see you how you look in a picture.

I don't think people see you as how you look in a mirror or in a picture. I've seen plenty of attractive girls who have taken a bad picture. There are a lot of factors that can create distortions in a picture.

As for a mirror, a lot depends on the lighting. If you're under a harsh, unnatural light, you're probably not going to look attractive. It also depends on how straight and true the mirror glass is. There are some mirrors where I look good in and others where I always look horrible.

In real life, people are seeing you in your entirety. Your whole body, your whole shape at once, not just a closeup of that pimple on your chin. Plus you are moving in and out of different light, not like in a mirror (or a picture)where you are stuck with just one perspective.

 

[betheman]

OP, has anyone ever said you look hideous, a freak? ugly? unnatractive?
have you ever had girlfriends/relationships?

if its no & yes, then you have little to worry about and you are stressing over $jhite!
you need to stop the intorspectiom because it will drive you nuts, especially as there is little or nothing you can do about the subject matter

 

[SgtSplacker]

"Attention gives rise to awareness"

I find that if I preoccupy myself with my appearance in a positive way not just stressing over my imperfections, that I can find ways to enhance my better traits.

For example:

When I was younger I always wore a goatee. But it always looked like crap. I always ignored that with the mindset that this simply is what I look like. I wanted a particular look but it really wasn't working out for me like I wanted it too or like it did for other guys. So I looked at my facial hair objectively for a change and noticed that I had a bald spot on the side of my mouth. I never really noticed this before for some reason. So I started to research facial hair and found several looks that would avoid or work with the bald spot I had. Not really my favorite look, but I ended up looking better over all.

It's hard to look at yourself and say to yourself that your look really isn't working out for you. Because our look is such a personal thing that sometimes it's hard to see.

Sometimes doing the right thing for you is sacrificing what you like, for what works best for you.

 

[bish0p]

OP, has anyone ever said you look hideous, a freak? ugly? unnatractive?

I have heard of this happening, but is it really ever true? I can't imagine a girl ever telling another man to his face that he is ugly and a freak unless he did something to piss her off.

 

[SayWhat]

I tried a different haircut, different clothing,... Nothing seems to work, there are just some features about my face which I don't like and I will always see no matter what I do...

Nobody called me ugly or unattractive (not in my face at least) and I've had some girlfriends. But since my last break up (almost 4 years ago) I became obsessed by my looks (this break up drove me to a light depression) and now I see every flaw and am just not happy with it... I had to learn for my oncoming exams today, basically didn't do anything as I was constantly taking pictures, looking at them, thinking,... Pathetic but I can't help it.

 

[NobodyCares1]

Lol same problem here OP. I've been told that I am good looking but on some photos I just look hideous. Sometimes I have luck and the photo comes out good, then I get comments on how great that photo is.

Though I still don't know what to do with it, I just avoid cameras when possible.

 

[betheman]

all good then[/B]

But since my last break up (almost 4 years ago) I became obsessed by my looks (this break up drove me to a light depression) and now I see every flaw and am just not happy with it... I had to learn for my oncoming exams today, basically didn't do anything as I was constantly taking pictures, looking at them, thinking,... Pathetic but I can't help it.

stop taking the fcucking pictures then, anyone can lok at a picture of themselves and find flaws, anyone! you have become obsessed and you are damaging yourself, keep going sunshine and you are going to need psychological help. stop taking and looking at the pics, chill out, distract yourself, your studies are far more important

 

[SayWhat]

body dysmorphic disorder

Wow, ticks so many boxes.