Aaaargh! Called a 'nice guy'!!

[Triple X]

OK so there's this girl I've been chatting fairly regularly to recently, over the net. We met off some other site and continued conversing back and forth for a while.

Obviously I'm not sad enough to consider this girl a 'prospect' or anything like that, but what I do use her for is practice for meeting women in the real world (finding out what works in conversation, practicing C&F etc..) and all appeared to be going well. I'd been cool and collected, not too easy to get hold of, etc.

But recently there's been a problem. I know this may sound a little trivial and nothing to worry about to some, but it certainly seemed a little worrying to me.

Basically I didnt have time to write a big email to her recently so I sent only a short one which probably sounded like I was blowing her off. So she says to me 'you don't seem to want to write much to me anymore, its gone from a couple paragraphs to 2-3 lines, etc'. (Yeah I know, if a guy said this he'd be seen as an AFC )

So anyway, I called her on it and after a couple more messages, basically asked her if she was still mad at me. (And this is where the problem lies).

She said something like 'oh no.. you must have misunderstood me. I'm not mad, I love our little chats. I think your a nice guy .....'



WHATTHEF***?!?!?

This is where I'm worried. I thought I was giving the impression of a DJ, pretty laid-back, chilled, not too bothered about her etc... so where the f*** did this come from?!?

I don't know if a 'nice guy' means the same to women as it does here.. but I've generally found that this to be a negative thing, certainly not something you'd wanna be called.

I mean I'm 'practicing' on her and trying to project a suave attitude, but this comment makes me wonder if i f***ed up. I know its only practice but when in the real world I would hate to find out that women see me as 'nice' to talk to, but nothing more.

Did she mean nice as in 'chump'?? Or just plain 'nice' in a good sense?? Or am I merely over-reacting to nothing??

Comments please.

 

[MetalFortress]

Well, dude, if I could get past how you are obviously trying WAY too hard to put off an image, I might be able to help you. You should be concerned with changing those aspects of your personality which you wish to change, not with putting up a MASK.

As for the nice guy thing, don't sweat it. It's only bad if it comes in conjunction with "...and that's why I only want to be friends!"

 

[Triple X]

Originally posted by MetalFortress
Well, dude, if I could get past how you are obviously trying WAY too hard to put off an image, I might be able to help you.

...sorry, I'm not with you here?!?

 

[Triple X]

Oh I get it, you mean by trying to act all 'DJ' etc to her... OK well I'm not trying WAY too hard... lol. I'm merely experimenting and trying to see what works with women. Like I said, it's just practice.

 

[MetalFortress]

"I thought I was giving the impression of a DJ, pretty laid-back, chilled, not too bothered about her etc... so where the f*** did this come from?!?"

"I'd been cool and collected, not too easy to get hold of, etc."

"which probably sounded like I was blowing her off."

"and trying to project a suave attitude"

------------------------------------

All four of these quotes throw up more red flags than a Chinese political rally. You are trying to project a MASK of suave, cool and collected, laid back, chilled, whatever, instead of seriously and honestly transforming yourself into that person.

 

[Triple X]

No no, I think maybe you are misunderstanding me. Its not a 'front' that I had put on or anything like that, what I meant was I was communicating to her like a DJ (as opposed to an AFC). Which is why I started questioning myself when she called me a 'nice guy'.

It's the internet man, I have better things to do then put all my efforts into 'sounding DJ' to a girl I've never seen.

:crackup:

 

[MetalFortress]

You are still putting on a front. You have not given one indication that you are doing anything other than trying to act like something, rather than actually BE something.

 

[TedJustAdmitIt]

Originally posted by MetalFortress
All four of these quotes throw up more red flags than a Chinese political rally. You are trying to project a MASK of suave, cool and collected, laid back, chilled, whatever, instead of seriously and honestly transforming yourself into that person.

:yes:

 

[TedJustAdmitIt]

Originally posted by Triple X
.....what I meant was I was communicating to her like a DJ

Don't communicate like a DJ......communicate as a DJ.

 

[Triple X]

I think probably the way I have written my original post has caused you guys to get this out of context. Maybe because I said things like 'I created an impression' you assume I am trying to merely 'talk like a DJ' instead of genuinely being one. This wasn't what I meant.

For the record I am not 'trying' to act like anything. Please. I'm not saying I'm a DJ yet.. but I am on the right path.. and constantly striving to improve my social skills. All I meant was my communication to her was certainly more 'DJ' than 'AFC'. There was no 'trying' about it.

 

[MetalFortress]

You were putting the cart before the horse. You still haven't denied it, even after all this time.

 

[Triple X]

Denied what?? That I am putting on a 'mask'? I have no clue what you mean, please be more specific.

There is nothing to deny. Maybe like I said the original post perhaps didn't describe the interactions that well and you probably thought I was 'acting' as a DJ. Well I wasn't at all, maybe I didn't make this clear. (I really don't know how many more times I can try and get this across)

Look, before this thread goes completely off-topic, this is what I am trying to get across.

I communicated to her as a DJ..... yet she calls me a nice guy . I am wondering if this is anything to worry about, or not.

 

[MindOverMatter]

So anyway, I called her on it and after a couple more messages, basically asked her if she was still mad at me. (And this is where the problem lies).

For future referrence, asking a girl if she's still mad at you is the same as asking "when are you going to forgive me". In this case, you basically apologized even tho you didn't do anything wrong, and that's why she said you're a nice guy.

The right thing to do here when she complained about the length of your e-mails would have been to just make fun of her and don't take her seriously. A simple, short & funny response like "what are you, the e-mail police? " would have been enough man.

 

[Triple X]

Hmm... yeah sounds like a better approach to it, definitely.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Triple X

So anyway, I called her on it and after a couple more messages, basically asked her if she was still mad at me. (And this is where the problem lies).

She said something like 'oh no.. you must have misunderstood me. I'm not mad, I love our little chats. I think your a nice guy .....'

Yup...that's a burn. But the way it went down, you should've caught the hint that your game with her was weak. And you should've caught it a WHILE ago.

I mean look at you, writing apologetic E-mails saying, "Are you mad at me??" and pouting when she stops writign to you...*I* can see it just from this post and I dont' even KNOW you.

Your first mistake is using E-mail and chat to try to determine what works IRL. Playing Gran Turismo on Playstation does not qualify you to be a Le Mans driver.

WHATTHEF***?!?!?

This is where I'm worried. I thought I was giving the impression of a DJ, pretty laid-back, chilled, not too bothered about her etc...

By "blowing her off" when she didn't write you back, or by writing "Are you still mad at me??" E-mails? Which of these gives the impression of a laid-back, not-bothered guy?

Did she mean nice as in 'chump'?? Or just plain 'nice' in a good sense?? Or am I merely over-reacting to nothing??

She meant "nice" as in, "I don't want a guy out there mad at me, but there's no f*cking way I'd date you, so I'll say he's 'nice', but still try to stop talking to him."

This one is a no-go, man. Sorry. But at least you tried. Learn from it.

 

[Triple X]

Well look, maybe I didn't explain myself very clearly. Believe it or not I have been aloof and definitely 'in the driving seat' up until now. I didn't actually provide any examples of being laid-back etc tho so I guess all you had to go on was the 'are you mad at me?' comment.

I admit, yes that sounds chumpish on its own. But believe me it was only after a number of 'AFC' comments from her that sparked this. Up until this point, I had been cool about everything.

Anyway... who cares... even I could care less about this thread now... I think its been established that while I certainly thought she thought of me as a DJ, she is thinking 'there's no f***ing way I'd date him'. Ah man... my e-sex life is over...

I do agree with ya squirrels about the internet being no match for real life. Flirting and 'Dating' are just not the same online. If nothing else, that's certainly something I've learned here.

 

[Freeman]

Originally posted by Triple X
OK so there's this girl I've been chatting fairly regularly to recently, over the net. We met off some other site and continued conversing back and forth for a while.

Obviously I'm not sad enough to consider this girl a 'prospect' or anything like that, but what I do use her for is practice for meeting women in the real world (finding out what works in conversation, practicing C&F etc..) and all appeared to be going well. I'd been cool and collected, not too easy to get hold of, etc.

But recently there's been a problem. I know this may sound a little trivial and nothing to worry about to some, but it certainly seemed a little worrying to me.

Basically I didnt have time to write a big email to her recently so I sent only a short one which probably sounded like I was blowing her off. So she says to me 'you don't seem to want to write much to me anymore, its gone from a couple paragraphs to 2-3 lines, etc'. (Yeah I know, if a guy said this he'd be seen as an AFC )

So anyway, I called her on it and after a couple more messages, basically asked her if she was still mad at me. (And this is where the problem lies).

She said something like 'oh no.. you must have misunderstood me. I'm not mad, I love our little chats. I think your a nice guy .....'



WHATTHEF***?!?!?

This is where I'm worried. I thought I was giving the impression of a DJ, pretty laid-back, chilled, not too bothered about her etc... so where the f*** did this come from?!?

I don't know if a 'nice guy' means the same to women as it does here.. but I've generally found that this to be a negative thing, certainly not something you'd wanna be called.

I mean I'm 'practicing' on her and trying to project a suave attitude, but this comment makes me wonder if i f***ed up. I know its only practice but when in the real world I would hate to find out that women see me as 'nice' to talk to, but nothing more.

Did she mean nice as in 'chump'?? Or just plain 'nice' in a good sense?? Or am I merely over-reacting to nothing??

Comments please.

When a woman says to you that you are "nice guy", what she really means that you nutless wuss..Grow some nuts and prove her wrong!

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

"nice guy" is ******** for "you will never see me naked"


This is a KOD (kiss of death), accept it. Move on.

 

[BrotherAP]

It's some random girl off the internet. He'd never see her naked anyway - assuming that it is a girl he's been talking to. The point is, who cares?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
"nice guy" is ******** for "you will never see me naked"


This is a KOD (kiss of death), accept it. Move on.

Not necessarily. Women like to use the term with any guy she doesn't dispise. I've been called 'nice' more times than once but O quickly set the woman straight. She usually becomes intregued with the concept of a 'good guy' and her IL naturally rises. It's not hard to make it work for you if you can pique her curiosity.