A woman you love madly or a woman who madly love you?

[alvinkels]

I am in a bit of existential crisis right now. My long time girlfriend ( we have been dating almost a decade now; we started at college). I am ready to take things forward ( but want to play in the field for a while) she is more than ready - talking about kids, houses and all that and she can't seem to get enough of me. Always around and me all the good stuffs (if you know you know). The thing is I am not feeling that much enthusiasm as I used to during sex I have to think of other girls just to stay on course. Don't get me wrong I really do like this girl. It is just I feel like I might not be able to love her right and give her the love she deserves. Also I am also thinking probably too much PMO I have been doing is what is ruining everything and with extended time of abstinence I will get myself and Brian in right order.

If I see another girl right now I can go all crazy on her few times but will probably loose interest later but for my girl, the zeal and enthusiasm seems to be drying up and I don't want to rely on a fleeting thing to ruin something good because she is a good girl and she has been loyal ever since and I want to make a home with her.

Please advise! A brother needs help before he ruins his life.
Thank you

 

[justaroundthecorner]

What is your age?

How fit are you?

How tall are you?

How attractive are you?

What are your earnings?

What are your financial assets?

How attractive is your current girlfriend (overall attractiveness - looks, character, intelligence)?

What is career/financial status of your girlfriend when compared to yours?

 

[ThisIsSparta]

I am in a bit of existential crisis right now. My long time girlfriend ( we have been dating almost a decade now; we started at college). I am ready to take things forward ( but want to play in the field for a while) she is more than ready - talking about kids, houses and all that and she can't seem to get enough of me. Always around and me all the good stuffs (if you know you know). The thing is I am not feeling that much enthusiasm as I used to during sex I have to think of other girls just to stay on course. Don't get me wrong I really do like this girl. It is just I feel like I might not be able to love her right and give her the love she deserves. Also I am also thinking probably too much PMO I have been doing is what is ruining everything and with extended time of abstinence I will get myself and Brian in right order.

If I see another girl right now I can go all crazy on her few times but will probably loose interest later but for my girl, the zeal and enthusiasm seems to be drying up and I don't want to rely on a fleeting thing to ruin something good because she is a good girl and she has been loyal ever since and I want to make a home with her.

Please advise! A brother needs help before he ruins his life.
Thank you

Lets be real. Every pvssy gets "old" after you fvcked her 300 times and new pvssy will allways be more interesting until it stops being new. Might as well make peace with that fact.

I dropped a few very food girls due to imagined "lack of passion" on my part and came to regret letting them go for the next "new pvssy" which stopped being new after some months (or dates).

That said, i guess you both are 30+ and while you can afford 10 more years to go by before starting a family, your GF cant. So for her its NOW or she will bail on sooner or later on you if she really wants kids and doesnt get comitment from you.

Also keep in mind that once you have kids, your sexlife will not become more exciting and your GF and lifestyle will change dramaticaly.

At this point you are still getting her best (after all she wants to lock you down), later your kids will get her best.

If you get into this with your GF, you better make sure you got your frame set right and tight. NO marriage! Make her know you are not affraid to walk away and set yourself up to do so at any point if she gets funny ideas (like becoming a landwhale, sexual abstinent, or a nagging harpy). Things like that happen to every other woman after they give birth. Dont be the guy that has to suffer through this.

 

[jhonny9546]

lifestyle will change dramatically.

once you have kids

A friend of mine is in a relationship with a woman who has Borderline Personality Disorder, and they’re getting married soon.
He was under a lot of pressure to go through with it.
It really seems like she’s chaining him down.


At the same time, she’s changed a lot — she’s more focused on being a mother and on the children. She’s replaced her interest in the relationship with an obsession over the kids' lives.
It’s like she’s starting to see my friend as a kind of “outsider” she just refers to.
Now she’s showing the same patterns she had in the relationship with her father.

if she gets funny ideas

Don’t be the guy that has to suffer through this.

Once you have kids together, things get harder.
She will have those moments.
But if you’re a man and you want a healthy relationship, instead of raising your voice or trying to act tough like all the men out there, and people I know, do what you need to do: tell her you will leave if she thinks that is a correct behaviour.
Tell her your needs and desires.
Don’t tolerate disrespect.
Someone who doesn’t respect you won’t care enough to work on the relationship, let alone care about you as a person.


Having a child creates a permanent bond.
But tolerating disrespect is not something you should ever accept.
Unfortunately, many men do. They settle for it.
In the end, it often comes down to a fear of being alone.
They let themselves be disrespected because they’re afraid they won’t find anyone else.
And once you have kids, you also feel this responsibility to keep the so-called “family” together.

There is possibility to have women who actually respect you.
It's 50% your skills and 50% luck to find em

 

[alvinkels]

Thank you all for the advise. I do appreciate it and for some context:

Age I am 29 she is 27
And I also get side attraction (if you know what I mean) but she has been loyal throughout.
She has never disrespected in anyway and always wants to do things to please.
For my frame I have not lost and I know how dangerous it is that is why sometimes I do agree to things she wants us to because I find them emasculating sometimes I give just for the fun with her so that she doesn't get bored but I am always firm on my boundaries and she respects. I use phone in bed even at the dinner table and she doesn't complain. She knows my work follow everywhere.

Financial; I currently make about 4x what she makes with possibly more.

And No she doesn't have those psycho sickness she comes from a conversional healthy family. She respects her parents and elders and all that. As I said earlier "she is a good girl!"

 

[alvinkels]

Why are you giving us more information? Nobody in here gives a fvck. Do you want us to tell you what to do? There are only two options, stay with her or cheat/leave. Now, I'm gonna go a limb here a say, you got onitis for your girl, therefore, you're fvcked either way.

Because someone asked and no I don't have onitis. I could checkout whenever I want

 

[BaronOfHair]

...we have been dating almost a decade now; we started at college...

Fatal mistake. You've already had "side attraction" more than once(I know what you mean)during your stint with this chick, while she's(apparently)been loyal:

These thoughts of now marrying and knocking her up have a roadsign in front of them, which reads "Do not enter", in bright neon letters. If you're bored with the set-up NOW, imagine what your experience of life will be a decade into the future, when you're raising 2.5 kids in some anodyne enclave of suburbia, and realize that your existence mirrors "Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding" to a T

-

 

[justaroundthecorner]

Thank you all for the advise. I do appreciate it and for some context:

Age I am 29 she is 27
And I also get side attraction (if you know what I mean) but she has been loyal throughout.
She has never disrespected in anyway and always wants to do things to please.
For my frame I have not lost and I know how dangerous it is that is why sometimes I do agree to things she wants us to because I find them emasculating sometimes I give just for the fun with her so that she doesn't get bored but I am always firm on my boundaries and she respects. I use phone in bed even at the dinner table and she doesn't complain. She knows my work follow everywhere.

Financial; I currently make about 4x what she makes with possibly more.

And No she doesn't have those psycho sickness she comes from a conversional healthy family. She respects her parents and elders and all that. As I said earlier "she is a good girl!"

Still not much details about her attributes (how attractive she is to you etc.).

If you rate her at least as a 7/10 I would consider staying with her as:
- you are probably terrible in the game aspects after 10 years (or so) of LTR and dating nowadays can be rather brutal if you are competing for attractive females with a players
- you do not have any replacement secured (as terrible as it sounds you should probably go affair router due to the reason provided above if you seriously consider changing partners)

Alas, if she is below 7 you can easily consider leaving her and trying to play the game as age difference is low and you will want to cheat later on even more - you will easily find another 6/10s anyway and you may eventually score higher and date younger (early 20s women are certainly possible).

VERDICT: I think you will let her go anyway (it's clear to me that you do not love her as your initial message was quite detached) however there are objective reasons to let her go anyway. Just do not count on God-knows-what popularity on the dating market and prepare for negative experience as well however 29-35 are good years for healthy player if you are an attractive person. I'd say it's 60:40 for letting her go unless the girl saved your life, is your soulmate or smthng.

 

[Barrister]

You’re here asking the question. So, it’s obvious what you want to hear.

Truth is there’s no right answer. She may be a good girl. You didn’t disclose any especially negative things about her. Does she know about your side activities? I’d say if she truly is one of the good ones you can take a chance. If money is an issue consider a prenup, but don’t be surprised if the suggestion bombs the whole thing.

The fact you are admitting you have a wandering eye makes me believe you won’t be happy marrying her though even if she is a good chick. Clearly you’re bored. Why go down that path? If you’re bored now, wait until you add screaming kids, bills on top of bills, her spending money all over the place, and your sex life becoming non existent into the equation. I don’t see this working out for you because you clearly don’t want it.

This doesn’t make you “bad” in any way. But I do think you owe it to yourself to be honest with yourself and admit this. Second step is the hard one - letting her know.

Don’t go the cheating route. It’s a half measure that will just compound your problems and drama in the end.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

the zeal and enthusiasm seems to be drying up

This happens in every relationship. Ideally, the initial zeal and enthusiasm is replaced by shared goals, experiences and a future together that makes you want to continue on.

Those that chase only zeal and enthusiasm end up serial monogamists who never find any lasting happiness.

Relationships, and the instincts that create/manage them evolved to be functional, not non-stop romantic merry go round.

 

[DJ Novice]

You can’t escape hedonic adaptation in relationships. It’s just a matter of time before it kicks in. The more attractive the woman, the better she is in bed, the less annoying she is to be around, the longer it will take. But eventually you will crave new experiences with someone else, both inside and outside the bedroom.

This is inescapable as it is a psychological phenomenon. All guys need to come to terms with it.
There is no cure. You can either control your feelings, acknowledge that you will be always attracted to other women (maybe use p*rn as an outlet) and stay faithful, cheat (and deal with the guilt and fallout if you get caught), or end the relationship when it gets to this stage (and just have a constant cycle of new p*ssy which may fulfil you physically but not emotionally).

There is no right answer, all choices have trade offs and most guys will choose all paths at various points during their life until they eventually settle on the path which suits them best.

 

[justaroundthecorner]

Most guys just watch porn while in LTRs - that's how most guys cope with need of novelty (tbh w/o porn there would be much more cheating around than it is now).

 

[Smok1nAce]

Always choose your happiness. (its what women do)

So the girl your madly in love with.