A woman you love madly or a woman who madly love you?

[alvinkels]

I am in a bit of existential crisis right now. My long time girlfriend ( we have been dating almost a decade now; we started at college). I am ready to take things forward ( but want to play in the field for a while) she is more than ready - talking about kids, houses and all that and she can't seem to get enough of me. Always around and me all the good stuffs (if you know you know). The thing is I am not feeling that much enthusiasm as I used to during sex I have to think of other girls just to stay on course. Don't get me wrong I really do like this girl. It is just I feel like I might not be able to love her right and give her the love she deserves. Also I am also thinking probably too much PMO I have been doing is what is ruining everything and with extended time of abstinence I will get myself and Brian in right order.

If I see another girl right now I can go all crazy on her few times but will probably loose interest later but for my girl, the zeal and enthusiasm seems to be drying up and I don't want to rely on a fleeting thing to ruin something good because she is a good girl and she has been loyal ever since and I want to make a home with her.

Please advise! A brother needs help before he ruins his life.
Thank you

 

[justaroundthecorner]

What is your age?

How fit are you?

How tall are you?

How attractive are you?

What are your earnings?

What are your financial assets?

How attractive is your current girlfriend (overall attractiveness - looks, character, intelligence)?

What is career/financial status of your girlfriend when compared to yours?

 

[ThisIsSparta]

I am in a bit of existential crisis right now. My long time girlfriend ( we have been dating almost a decade now; we started at college). I am ready to take things forward ( but want to play in the field for a while) she is more than ready - talking about kids, houses and all that and she can't seem to get enough of me. Always around and me all the good stuffs (if you know you know). The thing is I am not feeling that much enthusiasm as I used to during sex I have to think of other girls just to stay on course. Don't get me wrong I really do like this girl. It is just I feel like I might not be able to love her right and give her the love she deserves. Also I am also thinking probably too much PMO I have been doing is what is ruining everything and with extended time of abstinence I will get myself and Brian in right order.

If I see another girl right now I can go all crazy on her few times but will probably loose interest later but for my girl, the zeal and enthusiasm seems to be drying up and I don't want to rely on a fleeting thing to ruin something good because she is a good girl and she has been loyal ever since and I want to make a home with her.

Please advise! A brother needs help before he ruins his life.
Thank you

Lets be real. Every pvssy gets "old" after you fvcked her 300 times and new pvssy will allways be more interesting until it stops being new. Might as well make peace with that fact.

I dropped a few very food girls due to imagined "lack of passion" on my part and came to regret letting them go for the next "new pvssy" which stopped being new after some months (or dates).

That said, i guess you both are 30+ and while you can afford 10 more years to go by before starting a family, your GF cant. So for her its NOW or she will bail on sooner or later on you if she really wants kids and doesnt get comitment from you.

Also keep in mind that once you have kids, your sexlife will not become more exciting and your GF and lifestyle will change dramaticaly.

At this point you are still getting her best (after all she wants to lock you down), later your kids will get her best.

If you get into this with your GF, you better make sure you got your frame set right and tight. NO marriage! Make her know you are not affraid to walk away and set yourself up to do so at any point if she gets funny ideas (like becoming a landwhale, sexual abstinent, or a nagging harpy). Things like that happen to every other woman after they give birth. Dont be the guy that has to suffer through this.

 

[jhonny9546]

lifestyle will change dramatically.

once you have kids

A friend of mine is in a relationship with a woman who has Borderline Personality Disorder, and they’re getting married soon.
He was under a lot of pressure to go through with it.
It really seems like she’s chaining him down.


At the same time, she’s changed a lot — she’s more focused on being a mother and on the children. She’s replaced her interest in the relationship with an obsession over the kids' lives.
It’s like she’s starting to see my friend as a kind of “outsider” she just refers to.
Now she’s showing the same patterns she had in the relationship with her father.

if she gets funny ideas

Don’t be the guy that has to suffer through this.

Once you have kids together, things get harder.
She will have those moments.
But if you’re a man and you want a healthy relationship, instead of raising your voice or trying to act tough like all the men out there, and people I know, do what you need to do: tell her you will leave if she thinks that is a correct behaviour.
Tell her your needs and desires.
Don’t tolerate disrespect.
Someone who doesn’t respect you won’t care enough to work on the relationship, let alone care about you as a person.


Having a child creates a permanent bond.
But tolerating disrespect is not something you should ever accept.
Unfortunately, many men do. They settle for it.
In the end, it often comes down to a fear of being alone.
They let themselves be disrespected because they’re afraid they won’t find anyone else.
And once you have kids, you also feel this responsibility to keep the so-called “family” together.

There is possibility to have women who actually respect you.
It's 50% your skills and 50% luck to find em

 

[New_Journey]

If I see another girl right now I can go all crazy on her few times but will probably loose interest later but for my girl, the zeal and enthusiasm seems to be drying up and I don't want to rely on a fleeting thing to ruin something good because she is a good girl and she has been loyal ever since and I want to make a home with her.

Women don't see cheating the same as men do, women and men are not equal.

Men see cheating as disrespect, not loyalty, betrayal. When that happens we have two option Fight or Flight

Women see cheating as a sign that she is with a high value men, a guy who is valuable to other women, they don't have the same instincts that we do, they only have Flight, so they added ****, so you can remember you are her man.

A brother needs help before he ruins his life.

You obviously has conflicting thoughts, you know there is something else, you actually don't want it.

Don't get married, cheat, get another puzzy, that will clear the fog you have in your brain trust me. If you get caught, don't deny it, I did it cause I wanted to fvck another woman. Men need to be alone for a while to find his purpose, his vision, a woman takes too much emotional commitment.

Everything that you dream is on the other side of fear.

 

[alvinkels]

Thank you all for the advise. I do appreciate it and for some context:

Age I am 29 she is 27
And I also get side attraction (if you know what I mean) but she has been loyal throughout.
She has never disrespected in anyway and always wants to do things to please.
For my frame I have not lost and I know how dangerous it is that is why sometimes I do agree to things she wants us to because I find them emasculating sometimes I give just for the fun with her so that she doesn't get bored but I am always firm on my boundaries and she respects. I use phone in bed even at the dinner table and she doesn't complain. She knows my work follow everywhere.

Financial; I currently make about 4x what she makes with possibly more.

And No she doesn't have those psycho sickness she comes from a conversional healthy family. She respects her parents and elders and all that. As I said earlier "she is a good girl!"

 

[New_Journey]

Thank you all for the advise. I do appreciate it and for some context:

Age I am 29 she is 27
And I also get side attraction (if you know what I mean) but she has been loyal throughout.
She has never disrespected in anyway and always wants to do things to please.
For my frame I have not lost and I know how dangerous it is that is why sometimes I do agree to things she wants us to because I find them emasculating sometimes I give just for the fun with her so that she doesn't get bored but I am always firm on my boundaries and she respects. I use phone in bed even at the dinner table and she doesn't complain. She knows my work follow everywhere.

Financial; I currently make about 4x what she makes with possibly more.

And No she doesn't have those psycho sickness she comes from a conversional healthy family. She respects her parents and elders and all that. As I said earlier "she is a good girl!"

Why are you giving us more information? Nobody in here gives a fvck. Do you want us to tell you what to do? There are only two options, stay with her or cheat/leave. Now, I'm gonna go a limb here a say, you got onitis for your girl, therefore, you're fvcked either way.

 

[alvinkels]

Why are you giving us more information? Nobody in here gives a fvck. Do you want us to tell you what to do? There are only two options, stay with her or cheat/leave. Now, I'm gonna go a limb here a say, you got onitis for your girl, therefore, you're fvcked either way.

Because someone asked and no I don't have onitis. I could checkout whenever I want

 

[New_Journey]

Because someone asked and no I don't have onitis. I could checkout whenever I want

I know guys like you, I'll tell you right now, whatever decision you make right now, you will fail, flip a coin and choose.

I could checkout whenever I want

No you won't, you know what you gut is telling you to do, but you are a coward. You obviously wanna fvck other women, which man doesn't? But you are scared of not finding what you think you have with her, which is the definition of onitis.

Not only for that you are a coward, but you are wasting this girl's attractiveness and fertility while you "want to play in the field for a while", you can do whatever you want its fair, but at least have the decency to let her find another guy who is ready. Don't blindsight anyone, be a man.

 

[BaronOfHair]

...we have been dating almost a decade now; we started at college...

Fatal mistake. You've already had "side attraction" more than once(I know what you mean)during your stint with this chick, while she's(apparently)been loyal:

These thoughts of now marrying and knocking her up have a roadsign in front of them, which reads "Do not enter", in bright neon letters. If you're bored with the set-up NOW, imagine what your experience of life will be a decade into the future, when you're raising 2.5 kids in some anodyne enclave of suburbia, and realize that your existence mirrors "Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding" to a T

-

 

[justaroundthecorner]

Thank you all for the advise. I do appreciate it and for some context:

Age I am 29 she is 27
And I also get side attraction (if you know what I mean) but she has been loyal throughout.
She has never disrespected in anyway and always wants to do things to please.
For my frame I have not lost and I know how dangerous it is that is why sometimes I do agree to things she wants us to because I find them emasculating sometimes I give just for the fun with her so that she doesn't get bored but I am always firm on my boundaries and she respects. I use phone in bed even at the dinner table and she doesn't complain. She knows my work follow everywhere.

Financial; I currently make about 4x what she makes with possibly more.

And No she doesn't have those psycho sickness she comes from a conversional healthy family. She respects her parents and elders and all that. As I said earlier "she is a good girl!"

Still not much details about her attributes (how attractive she is to you etc.).

If you rate her at least as a 7/10 I would consider staying with her as:
- you are probably terrible in the game aspects after 10 years (or so) of LTR and dating nowadays can be rather brutal if you are competing for attractive females with a players
- you do not have any replacement secured (as terrible as it sounds you should probably go affair router due to the reason provided above if you seriously consider changing partners)

Alas, if she is below 7 you can easily consider leaving her and trying to play the game as age difference is low and you will want to cheat later on even more - you will easily find another 6/10s anyway and you may eventually score higher and date younger (early 20s women are certainly possible).

VERDICT: I think you will let her go anyway (it's clear to me that you do not love her as your initial message was quite detached) however there are objective reasons to let her go anyway. Just do not count on God-knows-what popularity on the dating market and prepare for negative experience as well however 29-35 are good years for healthy player if you are an attractive person. I'd say it's 60:40 for letting her go unless the girl saved your life, is your soulmate or smthng.