A Warning: Rape Victims

[Fleshy99]

I thought I would share my story with all of you in hopes that you will understand and better approach the situation then I did.

I recently met a girl who was seriously fantastic. We hit it off and I ended up asking her out to dinner after only talking to her for 2 hours, this is how well we connected. She had many things in common with me and both of us were really looking forward to seeing eachother. We planning on going out to a nice sushi place on wednesday night. (honestly I had never been able to ask out a girl this fast but I couldnt help myself)

So on day two of talking to her and seeing that she was real awesome... everything checked out we were both really excited to hangout and get to know eachother.
Somehow later in the night we got on the topic of emotional distress and she had mentioned to me in confidence that she had been raped.
While I didnt think much of this at the time, I had been polite and told her if she needed anything to let me know and all she wanted was for me to be cool with it, simple enough. So I was fine with it seeing how this girl was somewhat one in a million, it was refreshing to meet someone who I had so much in common with and was also very good looking. This was right up my ally.

So me being a aware of how dudes do crazy sh*t when they are horny. I had mentioned to her that I hate how guys have bad awareness of themselves in that the power to breed was so strong that some guys do foolish things. Somehow it had slipped my mind about her being raped, and I wasnt trying to make an insensitive comment at all.

She had understood it as me making an excuse for whoever had raped her, and that I was an insensitive prick. THIS WAS THE POINT OF NO RETURN.
After she had said this, no matter what I had said to try and pull out of this it was hopeless.
She basically cancelled our dinner plans and within a course of 10 minutes I began to feel like the biggest piece of human garbage.

So after sleeping on it for a night I realized that:
1. Its good that this happened now and not later on.
2. She doesn't know me so this is just a big misunderstanding
3. After doing research on rape victims - I realized talking about it in general triggered a whole mess of emotions that I wasnt going to be able to do anything about.

So I'm pretty bummed that this happened because I was really looking forward to possibly dating this girl, but I'm also kind of glad that didnt get involved with her. She probobly shouldnt be dating anyone before she gets some therapy(which she was in the process of doing).

I just thought I would share with you guys, if you meet someone who was the victim of rape you're probobly not going to want to stick around. Be friends and see where it goes. This girl was well adjusted and knew alot about her condition but a great thing that was happening turned out to be sort of a nightmare for me - I can only imagine what she might be feeling.

 

[KontrollerX]

Its not your problem or your fault that she was raped.

It was wrong of her and extremely unfair of her to try and dump this sh!t on you during your first meeting with her.

Thats stuff she needs to talk to a therapist or her family about not you.

Garbage women and BPD nutjobs use a real or imagined moment of physical abuse that happened to them while talking with a new male soon to be victim of theirs as a device to draw you in closer by it appealing to a man's natural protect and provider instinct otherwise known as the capn save a ho mentality.

Our job as DJ's and real men is to get rid of the capn save a ho mentality and if we really want to use the mentality to help people we need to go work at a soup kitchen or go work for habitat for humanity as the only reason guys get so enamoured by a woman with a sob story is because its a hot woman with a sob story.

Chances are if it were an 80 year old ugly as sin grandpa or grandmother that wasn't your family member you'd give a sh!t less but since its a hot girl telling you this you think she's fallen for you and is revealing this info because of that.

Not so.

She revealed it either because she's a traumatized rape victim that doesn't know any better and needs to get treated for PTSD or she's a BPD nutjob telling you a tall tale in order to make you feel sorry for her and draw you in.

Yeah I know supposedly you are on the outs with her now but if she wants you she'll come bawling around with an apology.

Accept the apology and move on to a new woman regardless of what the truth is.

DJ's go after mentally healthy women only.

Not rape victims or general nutjobs.

Leave those to the poor bastards that don't have the benefit of our teachings here.

"was happening turned out to be sort of a nightmare for me"

Just know that its not your issue to feel guilty about.

Again this sh!t should not of been dumped on you.

She needs to get her ass in to see a therapist if the rape story is even true.

 

[Fleshy99]

DJ's go after mentally healthy women only.

Not rape victims or general nutjobs.

Leave those to the poor bastards that don't have the benefit of our teachings here.

Exactly, its not worth my time regardless of how good she could be.
I've got too much going on to be dragged down by that.

 

[DJDamage]

So after sleeping on it for a night I realized that:
1. Its good that this happened now and not later on.
2. She doesn't know me so this is just a big misunderstanding
3. After doing research on rape victims - I realized talking about it in general triggered a whole mess of emotions that I wasnt going to be able to do anything about.

They are all good things to remember. Another scenerio that you were bound to encounter would be the whole sex issue. If a chick can't get passed the whole rape thing, she will have serious emotional hangover with regards to sex and she might not want to do it and just frustrate the hell out of you.

Its best to stay away from the walking wounded.

 

[decades]

You ran into a grade A 100% nutjob. And the best part about it is, she revealed this by the second date. First off, Kontroller and I constantly talk about how these NJs "meet the AFC more than half way". This was just too easy and you admitted as much. You couldn't believe your good fortune.

Second, she "mirrored" you. That means you really didn't have much of anything in common. She was play acting. Because of her coping habits she has developed over time to help her survive in the cruel world, she has developed certain sensitivities, and she easily figured out what you liked and what turned you on. And she acted like she was interested and turned on by the same thing. The result: Instant Chemistry.

Finally this NJ talked about being raped way way too early in your relationship. Most NJs wait a few weeks or months to give you the "I was raped" line. And ALL NJs are raped btw. So consider yourself lucky but realize you should have done things differently. You tried to be nice and polite, so that she would like you and see how wonderful you are. You also don't take a chick you barely know to Sushi. My guess is you wanted to impress Ms. Thing.

Well you can see how trying to be the nice guy and the gentleman who takes her to dinner worked. Not very well at all. Kontroller and I both know that if you were a Hells Angel, and you beat people up for looking at you the wrong way, well, you would have been right down Ms. Things alley. She would have been all over you. She would have begged to have your babies.

Consider yourself lucky. And keep reading around here.

 

[Fleshy99]

The thing is that we never actually went out. This was my second time TALKING to her, let alone taking her out.

Thanks for the back up dudes.
I've got another date lined up for friday night - nothing that serious though.

Lesson learned.

 

[Asteconn]

It's a shame they can't be helped really. Oh well.

 

[Fleshy99]

It's a shame they can't be helped really. Oh well.

I'm sure that with therapy there is some hope, but they shouldnt be trying to date guys in the mean time. This might not be the easiest thing for some of these relationship addicts to do.

Oh well.

 

[slickaz]

My turn.
ok i was 16..and this chic i was dating was my high school crush.
ever since i was like 12 i never had the chance to ask her out coz she was the prettiest chic in school and every guy wanted her..so anyway i played ball, she was a cheer leader we hooked up yadda yadda.

the summer of the year we dated, she went on a holiday to germany..for 3 weeks. i was kinda bummed but all good..she goes.
i hear from her for 1 week, then no contact..
I find out a week later than she came back with her family 5 days before they were supposed to come back..why?
turns out she was at a ranch and some farm worker raped her.
she was in hospital for a day while they did tests and the police work or whatever. then they flew back but she didnt bother contacting me.

anyway i went over to her house to ASAP. i was furious right?!!
i go in there say hi and she starts yelling at me. before even i say "HI"

she blames me for letting her go to Germany which got her raped..
dude believe me, whatever i did after that point, nothng changed the way she saw guys. i couldnt even touch her without her jumping and pushin me away.
i couldnt take that ish anymore like it was my fault..so i coerced her into dumpin me..because i didnt wanna mess it up even more.

anyway i found out later that she took her life a little after that. its really sad because honestly she was the prettiest girl i knew.

hence why since then, if i see a girl friend of mine walking home or driving home alone, id much rather tag along and make sure theyre home safe.

i dont think i could ever get that outta my head man, probably one of the worst times in my life..

anyway im just saying that its hard to live with one of those so...just be careful..but thats not to say they dont deserve second chances with a good guy..

 

[Black suit]

Dude, you have no ****ing idea just how big a disaster you avoided. Any victims like this ARE TO BE AVOIDED like the plague. It's just a disaster time-bomb. They have been scarred for life and if you get close they'll share their horrors with you and have you scarred for life as well. Speaking from experience here. My first girlfriend was molested as a child, and she took revenge for that by ruining the lives of every male figure in her life. Even the family figures, the casual friends... Been two years, and I still can't get myself going now. No oneitis here. I'd kill her if there were no consequences.

 

[Lust]

I thought I would share my story with all of you in hopes that you will understand and better approach the situation then I did.

I recently met a girl who was seriously fantastic. We hit it off and I ended up asking her out to dinner after only talking to her for 2 hours, this is how well we connected. She had many things in common with me and both of us were really looking forward to seeing eachother. We planning on going out to a nice sushi place on wednesday night. (honestly I had never been able to ask out a girl this fast but I couldnt help myself)

So on day two of talking to her and seeing that she was real awesome... everything checked out we were both really excited to hangout and get to know eachother.
Somehow later in the night we got on the topic of emotional distress and she had mentioned to me in confidence that she had been raped.
While I didnt think much of this at the time, I had been polite and told her if she needed anything to let me know and all she wanted was for me to be cool with it, simple enough. So I was fine with it seeing how this girl was somewhat one in a million, it was refreshing to meet someone who I had so much in common with and was also very good looking. This was right up my ally.

So me being a aware of how dudes do crazy sh*t when they are horny. I had mentioned to her that I hate how guys have bad awareness of themselves in that the power to breed was so strong that some guys do foolish things. Somehow it had slipped my mind about her being raped, and I wasnt trying to make an insensitive comment at all.

She had understood it as me making an excuse for whoever had raped her, and that I was an insensitive prick. THIS WAS THE POINT OF NO RETURN.
After she had said this, no matter what I had said to try and pull out of this it was hopeless.
She basically cancelled our dinner plans and within a course of 10 minutes I began to feel like the biggest piece of human garbage.

So after sleeping on it for a night I realized that:
1. Its good that this happened now and not later on.
2. She doesn't know me so this is just a big misunderstanding
3. After doing research on rape victims - I realized talking about it in general triggered a whole mess of emotions that I wasnt going to be able to do anything about.

So I'm pretty bummed that this happened because I was really looking forward to possibly dating this girl, but I'm also kind of glad that didnt get involved with her. She probobly shouldnt be dating anyone before she gets some therapy(which she was in the process of doing).

I just thought I would share with you guys, if you meet someone who was the victim of rape you're probobly not going to want to stick around. Be friends and see where it goes. This girl was well adjusted and knew alot about her condition but a great thing that was happening turned out to be sort of a nightmare for me - I can only imagine what she might be feeling.

Ok, what a girl says and what a girl means... and the TIMING is crucially important.

You need to read between the lines and understand what the girl needs.

If she says "I was raped" to a support group, she's really saying "I want professional help with my problem".

If she says "I was raped" to you, on a date, in confidence. She really means "I want to see if you can deal with this skeleton in my closet, and if you can support me a little every now and then".

You fvcked up by not paying enough attention to the rape problem. Then a miscue in wording ruined it.

Still salvagable, but will be a pain. If she is awesome then I'd say try.

Remember, read in between the lines and give her what she needs the MOST.

 

[Lust]

Dude, you have no ****ing idea just how big a disaster you avoided. Any victims like this ARE TO BE AVOIDED like the plague. It's just a disaster time-bomb. They have been scarred for life and if you get close they'll share their horrors with you and have you scarred for life as well. Speaking from experience here. My first girlfriend was molested as a child, and she took revenge for that by ruining the lives of every male figure in her life. Even the family figures, the casual friends... Been two years, and I still can't get myself going now. No oneitis here. I'd kill her if there were no consequences.

You pathetic fvck.

It's a good idea to understand that women are still human. They didn't choose to be molested or raped, and while this can be a royal pain in the ass, if you know how to deal with it, it doesn't take long nor much effort for women to get over their problems and have a meaningful interaction/relationship together.

This isn't AFC or whatnot, this is a higher level of awareness, remember everyone is human.

 

[Black suit]

You pathetic fvck.

It's a good idea to understand that women are still human. They didn't choose to be molested or raped, and while this can be a royal pain in the ass, if you know how to deal with it, it doesn't take long nor much effort for women to get over their problems and have a meaningful interaction/relationship together.

This isn't AFC or whatnot, this is a higher level of awareness, remember everyone is human.

hey, of course they didn't choose to be victims. But that doesn't change the fact that they are victims NOW. Or the fact that if you get close, it's extremely likely that you'd get **** burned as well. Not their fault, maybe, it doesn't mean that you take chances.

And the fact that I feel like killing that stupid ex is entirely my ****. I might have been an ultra AFC back then, but no one deserves what I went through. And I knew her well enough to know that it was intentional.

 

[KontrollerX]

"You pathetic fvck.

It's a good idea to understand that women are still human. They didn't choose to be molested or raped, and while this can be a royal pain in the ass, if you know how to deal with it, it doesn't take long nor much effort for women to get over their problems and have a meaningful interaction/relationship together.

This isn't AFC or whatnot, this is a higher level of awareness, remember everyone is human."

Right.

Everyone is human.

So don't go around calling this man a "pathetic fvck" when he was victimized by this woman similarly to how she was victimized.

Well of course its not totally the same kind of victimization but I think you can get the point if you actually think about a situation instead of offering up the typical knee jerk reaction which is all too common in our sick society to just about any issue.

This walking wounded girl continued her own cycle of pain and mind fvcked this guy to the point he had thoughts of murdering her over it.

Think about that for a minute...

Her mind fvcking of him was that bad.

He's not a misogynist, he's not against women but this woman victimized him to the point his thoughts went beyond the normal just being angry.

If your mind was messed with in the same way to the same level, if your trust was abused on a deep and intimate level you wouldn't be able to shake it off like so many so called tough guys on this forum claim they'd be able to.

You'd have the same murderous thoughts this guy did because once again we are all human and react in very similar ways to trauma.

Also he didn't act on the thoughts so he can be proud of that as a trauma victim in his own right for any reason even if the reason is simple deterrence from going to prison and he deserves credit for it not knee jerk reaction motivated scorn from someone that was not in his same position.

And you're right the girl didn't deserve to be molested but you know what else? This guy didn't deserve this girl taking revenge on him for a crime he did not commit. Understand that.

It goes back to that old wise adage you can't really judge a person until you've walked a mile in their shoes.