A Wake Up Call?

[Herrick]

Hi guys, how are you all? I hope you're having a good day.
I have a problem with a girl whom I'm deeply in love with. We met at a Red Cross camp, and we are both movie enthusiasts, unlike her friends, so she liked sitting with me and discussing movie stuff.
We talked face to face and by SMS everyday for a month, and I couldn't bring myself to tell her how I feel, for fear of scaring her off.
And she would fire test after test on me, so far I've passed 80% of them.
The way we talked wasn't necessarily flirting, but just talking and discussing stuff, mostly movies. Whenever she would be in the region (she lives 30 minutes away by car) she would call and tell me to meet her, and 50% of the SMS conversations were initiated by her. But then at 3am this morning she sent me a message saying, "It's not going to work out, let's just be friends." I was devastated.
I would appreciate greatly if the Don Juans can point out where I went wrong, and if you need to know more info, just ask. Thank you.

 

[dav27]

I think it's better to leave this for someone else to help with but really.. do you honestly not see where you went wrong?

 

[Igetit!]

What's up Herrick,welcome to the forum.

Ok,let's see. So she pulled out the "Let's just be friends" card,huh?
Well,there are a couple of reasons why this happens. I'll list a few and you tell me if any of this sounds familiar.

1:You known this girl for a long time,like 3-4 weeks or longer,and in all the time you've known her,you talked to each other everyday or every other day,and the conversation was nonromantic/nonsexual. Meaning you talked about movies or school,work,her telling you about problems or issues in her life,her telling you about other guys,etc.

2:The two of you hang out a lot. Going places,doing things,just spending time together,like friends would do. The most common reason is actually the most simple. You treated her like a friend. You treated her like a friend,so she responded to you like a friend.

Women decide if they are attracted to a guy very,very soon after meeting them. I've heard as soon as possibly 30 seconds to 5 minutes after meeting them. So more than likely(at least from her point of view),the possibility of the two of you dating was already over after knowing you for only 3 or 4 days.

I'm curious to know about these "tests" you say she kept firing at you.
What type of test are you talking about,and what were you responses to them?

Please be as detailed and accurate as possible.

 

[Herrick]

No, I'm not experienced with women at all, so I figured this would be the best place to ask. Please, don't hesitate to tell me.

 

[Herrick]

She would be really sarcastic, with her knowing I hate sarcasm. One test was she sent me a message that wrote, "If you don't reply to this SMS in 30 seconds, it's all over." She was trying to get on my nerves but in a cute way, and I would be passive or calm most of the time.
So the friend's zone happens that fast huh?

 

[Igetit!]

Yeah man. It can happen that fast. The thing is when you first meet someone,you kind of get a feel for that person the way they present themselves to you. Then,once you have known them for a while a certain way,then if they try to change the way they relate to you,it feels weird.
By talking to her everyday,and hanging out with her a lot,she got used to you in a "friend" sort of way because that's all you were sending out. In fact,you felt it yourself,you said that you were afraid to tell her how you felt because you didn't want to scare her off. This girl actually didn't do anything wrong by wanting to be just friends because that was the vibe you had been sending out to her from the very first time you met her. All she did was respond in like manner.

If you had showed a romantic interest from the getgo,she either would have responded the same way to you,or she would have turned you down,and you wouldn't have wasted all these months that you've known her.

I honestly think that at one time she was interested in you,but instead of showing her (not telling her with words) your romantic interest,YOU kept it at a friendship level because you were afraid of rejection.
Now,in my opinion,you have a zero percent chance with her. It's over now.
So just learn from this so you won't make the same mistake over again.

 

[Herrick]

Thanks for the advice, I guess I could've done more, though she did express that she missed me sometimes, and I couldn't help but think she was interested in me in some level.