A Unique Situation Which Requires Much Thought - Would Love Your Responses

[khenry]

I have purchased the Double Your Dating set and found it amazing. I’m hoping someone can help me with this issue by providing some feedback to help me see more clearly how to handle this situation.

I’m a very attractive man who constantly has attractive women approaching me. This has not always been the case… but Dave's materials (especially the Double You Dating set) have changed my life.

I was with a woman for about 6 months who turned me on in a most intriguing way – I am a very mental person. She is also that way. I don’t know how this will come off, but I find that mental stimulation is a need of mine when I am dealing with a woman. A woman can be totally HOT… but if she doesn’t stimulate my mind I find that I can get bored very quickly.

I broke off the relationship with this woman recently. (had I read a very profound daily tip – which I read after the breakup - about not giving women ultimatums in light of their behavior, but simply backing off a bit, I would not have broken it off… se la vie) She is extremely hot… but most of all she is extremely intelligent and exciting to my mind, which serves as an aphrodisiac for me.

She has recently began to frequent the same bar as I exclusively frequent with her new “boyfriend”. This guy that she and I both know is beneath her. I actually laughed at her choice to be with this guy, and in her embarrassment she attempted to convince me that this guy was not her boyfriend. But her animate assertions to try to convince me that this guy was not her boyfriend have been very telling to me. After that conversation, each time I saw her at this bar she stayed away from him in my presence trying to feign disinterest.

Perhaps I am in denial, but honestly I believe I can have whoever I want. But this woman has left an indelible mark on my soul. She excites me the way no other woman ever has. Although I have told her this while we were togeth in a round-about way, my cat-and-mouse interactions with her has definitely created a strong attraction for me on her part and kept the attraction in tact... even now I suspect.

Whenever I have seen her at this bar I have not given her the time of day. In my peripheral vision I could see her looking at me, but I would never look back at her. I was not with another woman, but I would talk to other women, and could literally feel her discomfort that other attractive women were giving me attention.

Last Friday she was at the bar again… which she almost never goes to. (how do I know this? This is a bar that I have frequented for 8 years, and have only seen her in there 3 times… the third time is when we hooked up). In the past 3 months since we have broken up I have seen her in there 10 times with this guy. But this last time, for some reason, I made eye contact with her – with this guy sitting next to her. Did I say eye contact? I meant to say eye lock. It was like she could not tear her eyes away. I, on the other hand, felt like I was in control and could have, but was using the "not breaking eye contact" technique to create/maintain the attraction. I saw a longing in her eyes that seemed real, but women are not the easiest to read.

I suppose that I am looking for almost an intuitive response, which may not be reasonable… but here is my question:

I’m 44 years old (I look like I’m in my 30’s) and have never been so intrigued by a woman. Maybe she gets this and is just trying to punish me. But maybe she’s genuinely interested and would like to get back together. I would love to be with her again. I have never had such an intense sexual or mental experience before in my life, although I have always been with attractive women.

How do I determine if I should approach her… or more importantly HOW do I approach her, since I am the one who broke off the relationship?

If she is vindictive enough she might be trying to get me to approach her so she can make a claim that I am herrassing her... just to get back at me for the very embarrasing way (embarassing for her) that our relationship ended.

The decision: I know women that want to be with me in a relationship. They are extremely attractive and I know I could be with them. But I am stuck on this one that has touched me so profoundly. If I walk away from her and get involved with one of these other women I know I will be content, and will forget about this one. But I don’t want to forget about her. In my mind she is one in a million like a rare gem. On some level I feel it would be irresponsible to forsake such a rare gem, and to settle for something less than what I really want, and have found to be satisfying to me on so many levels.

So, do I go for this one that I can’t stop thinking about, or do I go for one of the other extremely attractive and interested/interesting women that I know I could have a good relationship with?

The saying “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” continues to echo in my head. She called me at work a week after I’d text messaged her with what I know were mentally stimulating comments to her, saying “Why are you harassing me?”. You'll just have to take my word for it that they were not harassing statements, but also someone could take them that way. She has my cell phone number and could easily have left a message there saying to leave her alone. But I got the feeling that she wanted to talk to me personally.

I’m not even sure if you guys can help me, but in my heart I want her back but I don’t know if I should begin a process of approaching her, or back off to avoid being a victim of her game to get back at me.

Any feedback you guys could give me would be most appreciated. You can also e-mail me at [email protected]

Thanks!

 

[everywomanshero]

I didn't read most of the post, because perceptions are often wildly inaccurate. Even if I read how you *perceive* a situation, I will not likely be much closer to an objective opinion on your particular situation.

My mental strategy: If I found girl with XYZ characteristics and ABC happens, then I'll go into a LTR. Keep in mind I thought it was completely impossible that such a person existed, but I did stumble across her during a bar PU (of all places). I believe the best thing to do is keep going through women until you find one that truly fits with you and keep her until the fit no longer works, not giving up too easily or staying in a situation that decimates your self-concept. You need to be diplomatic but firm on issues that you know you can't live with. If you aren't sure if you've found this person or are weighting one against the other, then I am pretty sure you don't want to be in a monogomous relationship at this time, but I am making wild guesses based on little evidence, the internal validity of which isn't even known.

As far as observations of things you may or may not have perceived accuratly at a bar through the corner of an eye, I think that's pretty dicey. Even experts at natural observation opinion's are only considered accurate if blindly matching to other observers. In other words, there is too many biases present in even a trained person to be very accurate at guessing what someone else may or may not have been thinking or reasons for behaving.

To make matters worse, the better you know a person, the more accurate you can interpret (although this certainly introduces another set of pitfalls), and none of us know this woman at all.

As far as the paranoid delusions that some woman may go crazy and file some sort of false charges, there are laws and attorneys to address that issue should it happen. That is really a civil and criminal matter beyond the scope of most forum members. In short, I would hope that you do not base decisions on unlikely reactions that have never even happened or been threatended outside of your imagination. These types of self-handicaps (excuses) were the subject of another post I made today and should be easy to find. Probably not a lot of help, but maybe it will lead to some interesting thoughts.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Before you go any further, has she changed her behavior that led you to break things off? If she hasn't, are you willing to eat crow and/or learn to overlook her behavior? Remember, no ultimatums; either deal with in some manner or don't.

In a nutshell you can either waste time and energy playing the "staring game" or you can man up and take direct control of the situation and actively go after what you want on your terms.

 

[khenry]

She Has Definitely Changed Her Behavior

From what I see. I also wonder if it's because I broke it off with her. I also noticed that aafter we broke up she lost allot of weight and didn't seem very happy. I struggled with whether or not that was because of me and if I really hurt her. We were in love - not the mushy stuff, per se, but the true appreciation for who each other are, and how we stimulate each other and seem to be so compatible on so many imprtant levels.

Ont eh other hand, I'm more than willing to accept the behavior. But with many of the things I've learned from Dave's program I doubt very seriously if she would ever engage in it again when I implement the thinsg that I have come to underdstand are imprtant to keeping atgtraction alive with a woman.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Wow, this is a surprise. Not that she has changed but that it sounds like you guys had a viable relationship and not just a "thing" going on. What sticks out most is a term that you used to describe your relationship which is seldom seen in the forum, "mutual appreciation." That should be the foundation of any relationship.

If you play your cards right you can get things not only back on track but even better. Your ex has made the positive emotional and physical changes that will be worth your while. You could consider being confident and funny the next time you see her at your pub and approach her directly and in no uncertain terms lay down the "rules of the relationship." Tell her outright what you expect from her.

If she's not a hard ass she'll go for it. If she does, make mention that you like you like her "leaner look." She should get the hint that she'll need to pick up her game is she wants to hang with the new you.

 

[flexion_]

All I'm getting is that you put this woman up on a pedestal and broke if off with with her via an ultimatum and now have oneitis. She has moved on and you haven't - she left you a message saying stop harrassing her...

I must be missing the unique part?

 

[Desdinova]

I was with a woman for about 6 months who turned me on in a most intriguing way

When you look at it realistically, 6 months is NOT a very long time.

I broke off the relationship with this woman recently.

What were the reasons for breaking it off? The reason I ask is that the reasons for wanting to break things off won't change when you get back together. If she was lousy in bed, breaking up and getting back together won't make her more sexually adventurous. If she was a drunk, breaking up and getting back together won't make her give up the bottle.

Last Friday she was at the bar again

Breakups affect people (including women) in funny ways. This particular woman seems to want to make you jealous (yes, it's intentional) and she's keeping an eye on you. Her emotions are going bezerk right now, and she's reacting to them. She also wants you to experience the same level of drama that she's going through, so she's trying to create it. Just hope that she doesn't go too far with this 5hit, because having a vengeful stalker sucks.

How do I determine if I should approach her… or more importantly HOW do I approach her, since I am the one who broke off the relationship?

What really blows me away is, no matter how old men get, they still don't know what they want in an ideal woman. You'd do yourself a favor my making a checklist of the qualities you want and don't want in a woman. If you had a checklist to compare this woman with, you could either verify why you dumped her, or you would have never dumped her.

I walk away from her and get involved with one of these other women I know I will be content, and will forget about this one.

And that's probably the best route for you to take. When you finish reading a chapter in a book, do you prefer to go back and read that chapter again? No, you want to move ahead in the book to see what else is going to happen!

But I don’t want to forget about her.

You won't forget about her, just like I never forgot about any of the women I dated. But the feelings that were attached to the memories are no longer there, and that's the way I like to remember those women - without the emotion.

In my mind she is one in a million like a rare gem.

Have you actually dated a million women? If you haven't, then her "rare gem" status is irrelevant. There could possibly be thousands of these "rare gems" out there.

On some level I feel it would be irresponsible to forsake such a rare gem, and to settle for something less than what I really want,

Isn't that why you dumped her? Because something about her wasn't matching what you wanted in an ideal mate?

Humans naturally want what they can't have. Perhaps this is what you're experiencing.

She called me at work a week after I’d text messaged her with what I know were mentally stimulating comments to her, saying “Why are you harassing me?”.

Your ideal woman would *love* having you harass her. This is not your ideal woman. It's time to move on.