A such thing as too alpha?

[MikeYikes122]

I was at a friend's bachelor party on Friday night and a guy who was in attendance was the stereotypical alpha male. And when I say stereotypical, I mean he fit the definition of the term completely - possibly too much. He fit the mold from a physical standpoint (not that he had to in order to be an alpha male). He was relatively muscular, about 6'2", and good looking. He had the personality traits as well, a loud voice (obnoxious Chicago accent), a commanding presence, a demeanor about him, verging on arrogant, etc.

But for some reason, this guy doesn't get girls at all. He is 25, has a good job and lives in a city that is filled with attractive women, but for some reason this guy can't get any of them. I sat down with him and picked his brain a little bit, and he told me something about how he has plans to fly two states away to hang out with a girl he isn't dating, never fvcked, and only met her one weekend through a mutual friend. Pretty AFC.

I was pretty surprised to learn this from him. The guy is the highest level of alpha male imaginable. He is the kind of guy who, when you walk into the room, you notice his presence immediately. Theoretically, chicks should be hanging off him, or he should at least be getting a$$.

But that's not the case at all. Personally, I think there are a few reasons why. (A) He is way too over the top and literally scares women away. He kind of reminded me of Stifler from American Pie in that respect. When he talks, people literally look at him like "What the fvck are you saying man?" And (B) he might come off as arrogant to chicks. I thought he was a complete douche bag when I first met him, but eventually I kind of became friends with him when I realized just how much steam the guy was blowing out of his a$$. He kind of became comical and entertaining.

Either way, he is almost too alpha.

I know personally that I'm an alpha male, but I'm probably the lowest grade of one. I have some of the traits that this guy has - I'm usually the center of attention, but I'm pretty easygoing and not intense at all (unlike him). When it comes to how women view alphas, I think the biggest difference between someone like him and someone like me is that guys like me are approachable, non-judgmental, and easy to talk to, whereas a guy like the ultra-alpha is anything but. And, it seems women are really attracted to the kind of guy who has a commanding presence but only to the point that he isn't overly-commanding. I also think women are attracted to guys who are easy to talk to, and that's why this dude I met is failing so badly.

Women like to see a few chinks in a guy's armor as well.

You guys have any thoughts?

 

[Magma]

I was watching American Gangster earlier today. Frank Lucas (Denzel Washington) was talking about what his mentor had taught him. One of those things was that (and I am paraphrasing here), "A good shepherd leads his flock from behind."

I think what he meant by this was that an alpha male commands respect through quiet, but stern, leadership qualities; his expectations are understood. I have known guys like the man you described. Nobody takes them seriously. They take the concept of the alpha male and completely twist it. They think the alpha male must beat his chest, piss out his territory, and make it a point to be the ultimate center of attention through brash and uncouth behavior and speech.

Alpha maleness is something that is sensed rather than expressed. My humble opinion...

 

[splinterkb]

Usually coming off as too alpha means they're completely insecure about the people around them actually being more alpha than them.. if that makes any sense. It comes off as quite sad

 

[LoneSilver]

I lived in Chicago Heights for 24 years before moving here to Tennessee.

Chicago Heights is southern cook county south of Chicago's cook county but don't think I understand why this guy has an obnoxious Chicago accent..is he loud when he talks or is there something else that makes him obnoxious? This might help a little more in figuring this guy out.

LoneSilver

 

[Effington]

Hey, first off, Chicago is not an obnoxious accent!

Anyways, I like these stories because it shows how even "good looking" guys can fail if they don't know what they're doing. This guy sounds extremely egocentric, which is rarely a good thing.

 

[MikeYikes122]

I lived in Chicago Heights for 24 years before moving here to Tennessee.

Chicago Heights is southern cook county south of Chicago's cook county but don't think I understand why this guy has an obnoxious Chicago accent..is he loud when he talks or is there something else that makes him obnoxious? This might help a little more in figuring this guy out.

LoneSilver

Let me put it this way, he is the kind of guy who has only left Chicago a handful of times in his life, and during each of those trips he couldn't wait to go back home. He is one of those people who thinks Chicago is the mecca of the Midwest. The kid is like 100 percent Polish, not an outlier in his family tree.

Think Bill Schwartzky, only the guy is in shape and good looking.

 

[lookyoung]

I knew a guy who was always fat through highschool about 5"10 250 pounds. He started working out for a year and dropped down to about 200 pounds with shredded abs. For those 2 years that he was ripped he was getting pu$$y left and right. He was the type of guy too start fights, and this was the time when fast and furious came out and he had that vin diesel aura about him, and that was the summer when the girls were all in love with vin diesel.

Well anyways between his physique and his 500 series mercedes he was I believe 21 or 22 at the time, this kid got so much tail. Everyone would talk about how much tail he got and I would be like yeah right. Untill I went clubbing with him a few times.... I swear to god literally all the girls were just looking at him like they wanted to fvck him. I only went clubbing with him about 7 times and 4 of those times he took girls home. I actually witnessed it with my own eyes girls telling there friends I am going home with him. He even told me that he slept with over 350 woman. I don't believe that But I would say he is anywere from the 80-120 mark.

The funny thing is every girls he was ever with talked **** about him saying he had the smallest penis ever. I don't know if it was true or it was because her treated them like crap. Now this guy is close to 30 snorts coke, smokes weed, plays cards, goes to the casino and weighs probably about 270. His days are over but for those 2 years he was the king of getting laid.

 

[e-lie]

gene simmons is 2 alpha in my eyes

 

[Purple-Haze]

I was watching American Gangster earlier today. Frank Lucas (Denzel Washington) was talking about what his mentor had taught him. One of those things was that (and I am paraphrasing here), "A good shepherd leads his flock from behind."

I think what he meant by this was that an alpha male commands respect through quiet, but stern, leadership qualities; his expectations are understood. I have known guys like the man you described. Nobody takes them seriously. They take the concept of the alpha male and completely twist it. They think the alpha male must beat his chest, piss out his territory, and make it a point to be the ultimate center of attention through brash and uncouth behavior and speech.

Alpha maleness is something that is sensed rather than expressed. My humble opinion...

I agree with this.

What the OP describes sound like a hyper-alpha or a caricature version of an alpha male.

I've known guys like this. They are obnoxious, rude, loud and crass. Sadly, they puff their chests and walk with their heads held highly, while totally cluless to how they are really being perceived.

 

[Nighthawk]

You got to be fun and charming too. This guys sounds neither.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

gene simmons is 2 alpha in my eyes

Gene definitely has his act together but it's hard for me to see him as an alpha because he doesn't spend time comparing or confronting other guys who could be his competition; actually he has no competition so why bother worrying about being alpha?

Gene sets his goals and makes his plans, executes and then moves on to the next. He definitely successful in business and his social life but what does that make him alpha? If he's the alpha, who's his beta?