Two years ago (in highschool) I would never participate in class. After challenging myself to change, I can proudly say that I no longer am afraid to ask questions in our small classes (maybe 20 ppl) and participate in the discussions. This is a big step in combating my shyness. However, I've never asked questions or answered questions in our big lecture groups (60 ppl or more). I was too afraid.
Our lecturer had divided us up into seperate groups of 5 ppl per group. She gave each group six questions which we had to do together. She said she would pick out groups to "present" answers to the different questions.Of course this made me nervous. I'd never done this before. But I was thinking recently how I should challenge this IRRATIONAL fear.
You see I've always hated teachers/lecturers/parents/friends who think that if a shy person is to get over his shyness they must be FORCED into the situations that make them nervous (speeches, etc). This will NOT work and will damage the person's self-esteem even more if things go badly (I know from personal experience). The person has to be WILLING to change and they must CHOOSE to face the fears at the pace they desire.
Anyway, amoungst our group we each chose a question, and we said "If she asks us question X, then person Y will present the answer".
We're in the lecture today. We know our group is next. My friend next to me stutters normally in every day conversation. I could see he was nervous, he was bright red, breathing heavy,etc. His question got picked. I felt sorry for this guy because I could see he was nervous and I know that stuttering gets worse the more nervous the person gets. I was relieved they'd not picked my question, but I could see how this guy's fear was much greater than mine.
He says "Oh no! I KNEW they'd pick mine!".
So I said, "I'll do it for you if you want."
He was obviously relieved. I guess I'd done my good deed for the day. I helped an EXTREMELY shy dude out of a sticky situation (remember now that I believe he should WANT to change and shouldn't be forced to).
So I basically relax and start talking to the lecturer infront of the whole lecture hall. I wasn't getting the answer 100% correct, but that didn't matter. My goal was to speak out during a lecture. I didn't HAVE to talk remember, I could have let that poor guy do it. NO one else had the guts to help him out. I did.
Later on he actually carried on with the rest of the answer! I think he felt like a bit of a wuss for letting me speak for him and decided it was time for him to face his own fears! We both helped each other out, I guess.
You will not BELIEVE how WONDERFUL I felt after I'd spoken out in the lecture. I was on a "high" for a couple of hours after that. You know those highs you get when you kiss a chick for the first time, or you know she's into you? Or when you hear your favourite song that makes you feel geat? It was better than that! I'm not kidding!
All this my sound pathetic to all you extroverts, but I'm sure the shy ppl no how hard life can be when you're scared of stupid things like that.
Anyway, that's my story. I'll post some advice on how to start beating your shyness soon.
Regards
Santos
Our lecturer had divided us up into seperate groups of 5 ppl per group. She gave each group six questions which we had to do together. She said she would pick out groups to "present" answers to the different questions.Of course this made me nervous. I'd never done this before. But I was thinking recently how I should challenge this IRRATIONAL fear.
You see I've always hated teachers/lecturers/parents/friends who think that if a shy person is to get over his shyness they must be FORCED into the situations that make them nervous (speeches, etc). This will NOT work and will damage the person's self-esteem even more if things go badly (I know from personal experience). The person has to be WILLING to change and they must CHOOSE to face the fears at the pace they desire.
Anyway, amoungst our group we each chose a question, and we said "If she asks us question X, then person Y will present the answer".
We're in the lecture today. We know our group is next. My friend next to me stutters normally in every day conversation. I could see he was nervous, he was bright red, breathing heavy,etc. His question got picked. I felt sorry for this guy because I could see he was nervous and I know that stuttering gets worse the more nervous the person gets. I was relieved they'd not picked my question, but I could see how this guy's fear was much greater than mine.
He says "Oh no! I KNEW they'd pick mine!".
So I said, "I'll do it for you if you want."
He was obviously relieved. I guess I'd done my good deed for the day. I helped an EXTREMELY shy dude out of a sticky situation (remember now that I believe he should WANT to change and shouldn't be forced to).
So I basically relax and start talking to the lecturer infront of the whole lecture hall. I wasn't getting the answer 100% correct, but that didn't matter. My goal was to speak out during a lecture. I didn't HAVE to talk remember, I could have let that poor guy do it. NO one else had the guts to help him out. I did.
Later on he actually carried on with the rest of the answer! I think he felt like a bit of a wuss for letting me speak for him and decided it was time for him to face his own fears! We both helped each other out, I guess.
You will not BELIEVE how WONDERFUL I felt after I'd spoken out in the lecture. I was on a "high" for a couple of hours after that. You know those highs you get when you kiss a chick for the first time, or you know she's into you? Or when you hear your favourite song that makes you feel geat? It was better than that! I'm not kidding!
All this my sound pathetic to all you extroverts, but I'm sure the shy ppl no how hard life can be when you're scared of stupid things like that.
Anyway, that's my story. I'll post some advice on how to start beating your shyness soon.
Regards
Santos
