A story about the consequences of breaking the rules.

[Marlimus]

This is the story of how I suffered an AFC relapse, got LJBF'd, and lost a friend ini the process. *Shudder*

There's this girl I've been very close friends with now for over a year. She was very sweet, she would even do shopping for me, slip thank you cards under my door, genuinely listen to the things I say. Buy me my favorite snack and surprise me with it. And the warmth and love I felt in her fugs was heartwarming. She was the paragon of sincerity, wearing her heart on her sleeve. I would surprise her with thoughtlful gifts and notes, and be the "Nice Guy" because I thought that since she was only a friend it was okay to be Nice to her, plus she started it, and she was nice to me.

In the course of that year I fell in love with her, gradually. Now she is not hot. She is pleasant-looking, moderately above average at best, a little geeky, actually. I was absolutely convinced that this girl liked me. A LOT. And she was now single. I though: I don't have to use my "Friend to Lover" routine and game her, I don't have to use my DJ skills and strategize. I can just tell her what is what. And so I did. Yes, I know.

I told her that she got past my player defenses and met my standards. Which was true. I told her that I liked her more as I got to know her. Also true. She started to break down and cry and tell me that she was extremely flattered because she though very highly of me. That I knew to be true.

And then she told me that she couldn't see us as anything more than friends. I asked her why, and she gave me a textbook response that corresponded exactly with what we teach at this site. She said that she loved the fact that we could just sit around and talk for hours. (just like close, asexual GF, I guess)
She said that she knows I'm a great guy and she's never met anybody like me before, but she just doesn't see it. She kept crying and hugged me tightly and said that she was really flattered, and wanted to know If I would stay friends with her.

I literally dried her tears with my thumbs and reassured her. And everything seemed fine. It didn't hurt at all, except some mild disappointment.
Last week Saturday was my birthday. She didn't stop by or call, and when i visited her, she gave me a pack of reeses and a card, a lame ass gift considering how close we were supposed to be. Not even a hug. When I mentioned that she didn't tell me she would be out this weekend, and that she didn't call, she said nonchalantly that she lost the number, and her general attitude was one of indifference. What happened?

SHE HAD BEGUN TO TAKE MY PRESENCE/FRIENDSHIP FOR GRANTED. She said that it really overwhelmed her that "a guy like you would be interested in a girl like me.." I had given her too much validation and approval. I had stepped down off of my pedestal.

I had broken every rule of the game. I who had written articles about how the rules apply to all women had acted against my own advice.

When I realized what had happened, my pride kicked in. Who the fvck is this girl to take my friendship for granted? I decided to play the card my pride was clamoring for: to end our friendship, and walk away. the more I think, the less alternatives I see.

This is my lesson, gentlemen. Even with female friends, keep your power, or they take you for granted. Also, keep the rules. They exist for a reason. Break them at your peril.

Marlimus

 

[Jariel]

Great to see people sharing the wisdom of their experiences. We can all learn from this and hope to avoid the same consequences. This board needs more posts like this, detailing failures for us to learn from.

 

[pimpfromdayone]

well you do know your first mistake was becoming her friend.

 

[Marlimus]

but that's just it I wasn't attracted to her back then

 

[pimpfromdayone]

interesting.... never had that happen

 

[ketostix]

In the course of that year I fell in love with her, gradually. Now she is not hot. She is pleasant-looking, moderately above average at best, a little geeky, actually. I was absolutely convinced that this girl liked me. A LOT. And she was now single. I though: I don't have to use my "Friend to Lover" routine and game her, I don't have to use my DJ skills and strategize. I can just tell her what is what. And so I did. Yes, I know.

Just curious what would you have done differently in hindsight? What's your friend-into-lover routine exactly?

It's weird that this chick would've done all these things for you, then when she found out she "got" you, she says she doesn't want to ruin the friendship only to end it anyway. I guess that's chicks for you . So you think she did all these things all this time just to get that validation or what?

 

[Marlimus]

Friend to lover in a nutshell
1) Don't sit around talking for very long, especially about chick stuff such as feelings, other guys and sex and the city
2) Become more scarce, and do more action-stuff to get her blood pumping- rollerskating, bowling,anything that involves movement
3) Gradually increase kino
4) Talk about sex but in a non-creepy way,
5) Talk about other women, insinuate that other women are chasing you without actually saying it.
6) Start fluctuating in the amounts of attention I give her
DON'T ACT LIKE A FEMALE FRIEND.
That's the bare bones of it plus some memorized routines designed to insinuate sexual competence.

 

[Marlimus]

as for what I would have done in hindsight? As soon as I realized I liked her, basically do everything I have listed above. Now my major concern is whether or not to attempt to salvage the friendship, or to listen to my pride and walk away, which would be my last, though desperate, act of power...

I'm not beaten up over it. I just remember the line from an old Beatles song:

"With every mistake, we must surely be learning..."