A Small Epiphany on A Deeper Understanding of Sh1t Tests

[Young Juan]

So, I have little recollection on how this dawned on me (alcohol was involved) but I finally understand why women consciously and/or unconsciously give men sh!t tests.

In a nutshell, its basically a girl saying (once again consciously or unconsciously) "this man seems strong, let me make sure." My definition of strong is strength of will, character, and ambition. I'm not going to write a long post about what those terms mean because will and ambition are self explanatory and strength of character is basically being yourself, so it differs by man.

A recent **** test from just last night: chick begs me to come meet her out via text for hours. We had been kicking it earlier on in the night and she always wants me when she drunk, but hates herself for wanting me cuz she know I won't wife her. Thinking through it, I think she basically wants to tease me but then hates herself when she realizes she's given me what I want.

Long story short, I meet her out, we end up having drinks, make out, we go to a club, she wants to dance. I don't really wanna dance but I half ass dance anyways. In retrospect, I didn't wanna dance, I shouldn't have danced. The night went downhill from there. This was at a Casino/Nightclub. We leave the club on her whim and next thing I know I'm in follower mode. Follower mode is no longer being a leader, the fastest way to weakness/boringness. When I finally go back to leader mode, after showing weakness, she's pissy and basically doesn't believe the strength anymore. She gets disrespectful. At this point, I could've tried to argue it out, try to ask her questions and understand her, try to calm her down, etc. I decided to leave her too drunk to drive her own car ass where she stood with her dead phone and a peace.

I wouldn't let my homeboy disrespect me like that, no way I'm letting a pair of tits get away with that.

Soft me would've never done that. Nice guy me would've taken the disrespect and tried to come to an understand and appease her. Soft me would've thought what I did last night was soooo disrespectful, etc.

How does the story end? Like clockwork, with an early morning text begging me to call her to talk about what happened. I call her, she apologizes. I move on, end of story.

The moral? When it comes to chicks, do what you feel like doing, but only what you feel like doing. It's not jerks vs. nice guys, it's strong guys vs. weak guys. Stay strong, hold your course, and the chicks will weed themselves out.

Lost my train of thought somewhere in there and I'm too tired to edit. Will answer and refine if need be

 

[Kawai]

About your theory...I recently declared no contact simply because I'm in Afghanistan another 4 mos and this chicas going to date anyway...is it considered weak or strong to take this stance since primary communication is text? She's not my GF and she started with high interest...probably about 60% now.

 

[Young Juan]

TBH, I don't know what's in your heart and what you really wanna do. I personally think its better to err on the side of no contact when its nothing serious long distance, but thats just me.

If you are texting her the same amount as your other friends, seems cool. If it was me, I might text every now and then to see how she's doing. Maybe ask for some nude pics to keep it interesting. The closer I get back to returning, the more sexual in nature the texts would become to setup some pvssy when I get back, but they still wouldn't get anymore frequent (at least me initiating) and wouldn't get sappy either. I just wouldn't over do it, probably wouldn't text more than every other week. I would probably have other chicks, family, and friends to text as well, I would be doing sh!t in the field (soldier or civilian) and experiencing life so that when I get back I have more perspective and new stories, not necessarily to brag and go tell everyone about.

She wouldn't be a priority while I'm out of her area code though, especially if we weren't in a relationship.

 

[Kawai]

Didn't mean to highjack this thread, but thanks YoungJuan that's pretty much what I was looking for. There's a much longer version in a thread I already posted...so long no one responded. Essentially we did text every day for hours...but I saw what was to come after noticing droping interest on her part, so I told her I'd yap at her when i return. She seemed a little upset by this, since she's got an over inflated ego (other tests I ran on her)...so I can tell this usually occurred the other way around.

Anyway, I'm going to maintain radio silence. Under other circumstances I'd do exactly what you said, but it's already too late for that, so I have to reframe this scenario and follow up with "me in the flesh" and shiny things shallow chicks like. More than likely I'll meet her in person and realize she's just too shallow for where I'm tring to go with it...and then I'll look back in hindsight and kick myself for ever getting into her at all.

Good words man. Thanks. Also great post the OP put up.

 

[Tryingtoimprove]

Well said Young Jaun. To put it more succinctly:

Don't act like a b1tch. Don't be her b1tch.

 

[Young Juan]

Oh yeah, now I remember the other part about **** tests: don't be outcome dependant, if you're truly being strong and following your heart, whether she likes it or not shouldn't matter. Its amazing, but the hotest girls I know that I'm friends with (see: failed to fvck them in my AFC days) have told me they WANT AND NEED a man that can put them in their place and won't let them run over him (see: strong). Girls feel like you're trying to manipulate them to get in their pants when you try to get a specific (good OR bad) outcome all the time. They also lose respect for you because you've showed that weakness, failed the test, and aren't really as strong as you make yourself appear to be.

When a chick gives you a "**** test" consciously or not, you should be yourself/follow your heart and treat the outcome and her resulting behaviour as your own test to her. If she acts right and/or 180's the next day (kind of like the chick above), she passes and has earned her chance to stick around a little longer/continue to prove she's the chick for you. If she acts up and continues acting a fool, you should move on, you deserve/can do better.

Chuuch

 

[Kawai]

Sadly I've done all the right things for so many years...but started to falter with this one. I noticed you're in AZ. I'm from Litchfield Park and so you know the girls in Phoenix...that was basically what I cut my teeth on.

With this chica I had to take the control firmly back regardless if it works to my favor or not. More times than not its worked in the past. Who knows.

Oddly, this site has genuinely good info. It represents the last bastion of data so men can remain men...and remind women that it's okay that we keep that title rather than them.

 

[Kawai]

We're still FB friends...and in my News Feed she's "liking" her own old pics of a piano recital from years ago. This is the same pic she posted the night I sent her a link of me playing the piano...she's a classical pianist instructor. I've never seen anyone "like" one of their own old pics. Seems like she's trying to lure me in, using a pic she mirrored me with 3 weeks ago. Strange.

 

[yuppaz]

I think OP's assessment of what a **** test is was pretty accurate imho. It's also a way for women to bait you into breaking rapport when they are getting too turned on by you and they are scared of that.

 

[Fly By Night]

Thanks for that post young juan, it's pretty scary knowing that women are just out constantly testing you, even after you're in a relationship with them. I feel like most guys just say "whatever, I got me a woman. Mission complete."

Gotta keep the game alive and well (even after attachment).

 

[Young Juan]

Kawaii - Since you're from AZ, I know what you mean, and you'll know what I mean when I say the girl from my orig post is a total Scottsdale chick. They usually come back around tho, usually after the next pretenders expose themselves when she starts giving them the **** tests.

Fly By Night - That was what I didn't do in my previous ship' which also kind of brought me to this realization when I analyzed the whole thing the other night. Once you get her, your right, I went to (as many guys do) "game over/mission accomplished" mode.

Another realization, you can't just hide the softness, or it will slowly slip out. You have to straight up Dexter Morgan that sh!t - Murder it, chop it up into little pieces, bag it, and throw it in a river with a current flowing away.

 

[Kawai]

Scary to think you can tell you're from Phoenix when someone mentions "Scottsdale chick", and you know specifically what type of girl that is.

You speak the truth bro.