A serious question about "love", or whatever you want to call it

[Rata Blanca]

I'm about to turn 35, never had a girlfriend, and there's been maybe a dozen or so females in my life who I was in love with, or who I felt something for that I called love. All of them in one way or another said "sorry I only like you as a friend".

And after 35 years, you have never asked yourself,
"damn perhaps I am doing something wrong?"

Oh an about your question, with that attitude, I guess you could be a good provider for a woman.

 

[LonesomeLoser]

And after 35 years, you have never asked yourself,
"damn perhaps I am doing something wrong?"

Doing something wrong? Not really, I more just assumed I was just unattractive period. Just some fundamental flaw in me as a human being that made me unattractive to women, that I couldn't do much about. I'm just barely starting to question that now. But no, I'm not nearly optimistic enough to assume that it was just something I was doing wrong, that could be corrected.

 

[Joe The Homophobe]

have you read the works from david deangelo? you definitely have an attitude problem.

 

[sherineo]

Okey

Bad News you have woken up when you are 35. You have missed a lot of fun.

Good News : Men can have fun as long as they can stand on their legs.

Fact : Women play only a part in your life...and if you call yourself a loser sinc you are lonely ....I'd say you got to work on a lot of things in your life before you actually reach the chapter which is called 'WOMEN'.

Remember : It's the game inside that's the fuel. What's outside is just the reaction.

 

[reset]

Change the damn user-name already.

Haven't you heard of a "self-fulfilling prophecy"?

Is this the term you use to describe yourself, to yourself in "real life"?

 

[Interceptor]

Hes identifying with this 'persona' , Reset.
This persona feels natural to him.
Hes also one of many guys whim are a little deluded in that they want women in their life but they dont want change anything about themselves in order for that to happen.
Many of these guys just lack strong masculine grounding. And a realistic perspective.

"Im afraid of changing myself to become attractive to women because then I feel like I wont be myself. I dont want to do anything that may be manipulative, Why wont a woman love me for who I am?"

but your SELF isnt attractive to women.


Being loved for who you are is EARNED.

And you do that be BEING/becoming a Man that is desired by women.

And if your track record doesnt show much success, yet you want results, whos kidding who?

Remember the 'insanity' quote?

About doing the same thing yet expecting different results?

a lot of guys arent even aware theyre doing that


And if they add something that enhances them in any way, they feel theyre being disingenous

and if you REALLY think about it , a lot of this stuff is not about ADDING to you, it is about RECOVERING yourSELF under all these crazy toxic and immature beliefs!!!

Its about discovering yourself under the layers of negative and self limiting beliefs

 

[reset]

And if they add something that enhances them in any way, they feel theyre being disingenous.... all these crazy toxic and immature beliefs!!!

I agree. This reminds me of something in that book No More Mr. Nice Guy and it's finally making sense to me, and that's "nice guys" have a big problem with doing anything good for themselves. It causes guilt, because it's conflicting with their self-image. "I'm a loser so doing anything good for myself (like changing your entire worldview, lol) would be wrong. Losers don't deserve good stuff. So I won't do anything good for myself."

I can see how I've done this in my own life. Like, I'm working towards releasing some of my music online, but I am going to need some newer music software and more memory for my computer to do that. And I have put it off, and off. So my goal was to release music. But the very thing I needed to do, like make those purchases, was making me feel GUILTY. Like "who the hell am I to buy things for myself with my own money and work on my passions? This is ME, remember?"

Anyway just bought the memory at least. At least I can finally sense these little gremlins as they attack my mind.

This is tough work, but you have to do it. And you have to start by giving yourself the benefit of the doubt, and REFUSE to call yourself names like "lonesome loser". How the hell is that going to HELP?

All it can do is re-inforce the victim mentality, which is the something the wounded ego is addicted to--maintaining the dominant "persona", whether good or bad, it's familiar and to challenge it, to take it away, can feel like dying.

That's the crap you have to deal with to be a man. That's like 90%. Women are 10%. At least right now, that's my view.

 

[randalll]

i can see why Lonesome Loser thinks the way he does, i was like this when i was a bit younger.

never seen a thread about this... but i think most of your ideas/beliefs/attitudes have been influenced by the way you were bought up.. anyone agree?

i was raised just by my mum, i was always taught to be nice and polite to women, to give them what they want, and they will like and respect me just for that.

well i realised that having this mindset was getting me NOWHERE, nowhere at all!

lonesome loser.. you must see that having your current attitude is only holding you back, trust me, i was in the same place a couple of years ago, i know exactly how you feel. but there's light at the end of the tunnel, man.

"and if you REALLY think about it , a lot of this stuff is not about ADDING to you, it is about RECOVERING yourSELF under all these crazy toxic and immature beliefs!!!" ...thats the truest thing ive heard all day.

you've gotta make a stand, just keep improving yourself (however you want, just do something), be who you want to be, it's all in your control