A reminder to build comfort and to qualify!

[CuddleJunkie]

I followed Heartiste's advice and finally read Mystery's book. The routines are...kind of cringey, but the model is solid, and it has opened my eyes on a couple of topics AT LEAST. I will certainly re-read it in the future, a lot to dig out from it. I just felt like offering my experiences in two points that I didn't have clear in my mind, and that I understand better now.
Comfort:
It has happened to me many times, and I am sure it has happened to you too. You meet some girl while out, and you start soft-bullying her through push-pull, through physical game, or she just perceives you as high-status and flirting between both of you starts! ****, doesn't it feel so well to know you are attractive? The giggling, the hand on your chest, all that attention you get...you almost understand why women have orbiters! So you get lost on it, minutes pass by and you keep on busting her balls. A friend comes to take her: "we're leaving to x", and she's gone! "oh ****" you think. What just happened? Well, you didn't build any connection between the two of you, and so she really didn't have any reason to stay. Sure, she felt well, she was getting aroused and interested but...you just were another emotion on the night! Another notch in her attention belt if you will.
What to do:
We just have to be aware of the windows of oppotunities she opens up for us. When a woman feels attraction for you she will try to build rapport. She will ask you personal questions...and you should see this as the beginning of the comfort building phase. So cool down on your panty wetting skills and get to know the girl...and let her imagination run wild about your past through sharing cool stories.
Qualification:
Same initial situation as before, but this time this girl really interest you. There's no need to use the "me toos" a la @bradd80 (read his thread http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index....to-mastering-the-don-juan-way-of-life.197705/ if you haven't already). Comfort just happens naturally. But you are such a jerk that you don't let her KNOW that you like her on some level, you don't qualify her. And so, when you try to make some kind of close...she freaks out and backs off. Later in time you find out how she felt like a slut, or how she was afraid of you being a player and just wanting to add her to your sexual conquests. This has happened twice to me, and it really, really, really sucks.
What to do:
Not telling her that you think she's cool because she draws amazing paintings or whatever cool stuff she does is just being afraid of her rejecting you! Really, you are just afraid of it, it's not being cool. So when you are building comfort and she certainly gains some compliment on her behaviours, let her know. Don't go overboard of course, but let her feel that she's special.


So this is all my DonJuan brothers! May my mistakes serve you as learning!

 

[fastlife]

Bump. Bump. Bump. As your SMV increases--be it looks, be it money, be it past achievements--comfort becomes super important. At a certain point, you will be out of her league (especially given the insecurity of most women in modern society). Now, is it good to filter out girls that are too insecure? Yeah, but chances are you'll still want to be laying her and keeping her balanced emotionally--and every girl is like a car; they're all driven by the same factors, but the handling will be drastically different for each model. Yeah, it's fun to gun it every now and then and see how hard you can take the corners; but you can't just crash a car and declare the model broken.

Think of the template that brings most guys to SoSuave or TRP or wherever else:

• Over-correcting for becoming too attainable at some point.
• Here BECAUSE THEY WERE REJECTED because they became too emotionally vulnerable with damaged women.
• Trying to avoid further pain & find validation for that rejection, which leads to absolutism, ego-protection, and overcompensation.
• Usually introverted, which means on the aloof-personal warmth scale, already on the cold end.

And then we tell these guys:

• Don't ever call/text her just because you're thinking about her. That's beta.
• Don't compliment her. That's beta.
• Increase your SMV.
• Only offer her one date.
• Next her if she disrespects you, which a lot of the time--if your SMV is high enough and you're at the beginning stages of a courtship--is just her feeling rejected & taking it out on you.

Interest Level = Value x Attainability. Yeah, you might be the ripest apple, but if you're at the top of the tree and not giving her a ladder or at least some encouragement for her to risk rejection then she'll say, "Fvck this, I don't want that apple, anyway." Once you're at the top of the tree--and be realistic with your self-assessment--then she's already attracted, she already wants to sleep with you, but you can't just tease her or ignore her (which would work for the apples already in her reach) and expect her to try harder.

The truth is, Alpha is acting from abundance, not fear. If you like something about a girl, fvcking tell her lol. That's being real and not some weird, unrelatable robot. If you know you're not acting from a place of neediness, text her every now and then. The more attractive you are, the more you need to qualify her to encourage her to invest. The ideal spot is just out of her reach but close enough for her to feel like she can reach if she just tries a little bit harder--but most of us view girls as 'up there' and try to elevate value THAT'S ALREADY THERE. No sh1t, she's low interest--she's being rejected by someone she already views as above her.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Think of the template that brings most guys to SoSuave or TRP or wherever else:

• Over-correcting for becoming too attainable at some point.
• Here BECAUSE THEY WERE REJECTED because they became too emotionally vulnerable with damaged women.
• Trying to avoid further pain & find validation for that rejection, which leads to absolutism, ego-protection, and overcompensation.
• Usually introverted, which means on the aloof-personal warmth scale, already on the cold end.

And then we tell these guys:

• Don't ever call/text her just because you're thinking about her. That's beta.
• Don't compliment her. That's beta.
• Increase your SMV.
• Only offer her one date.
• Next her if she disrespects you, which a lot of the time--if your SMV is high enough and you're at the beginning stages of a courtship--is just her feeling rejected & taking it out on you.

This is so important. Calibration is key on our path of self-improvement. We always swing to the other extreme...to find out we have to recenter ourselves! Nonetheless, each time we swing...we become subtler, more refined, we gain deeper understanding on building attraction or comfort, on being alpha or on being compassionate. I'm loving this journey!