This is basically a realization I've come to tonight about my recent problems. It's mostly just me venting and trying to gather my thoughts, but I decided to post it as it may be of help to some others out there with similar situations.
The past several days have been stressful and left me in an anxious, tense, overly cautious state. I have been blinded by the illusion of progress. I have made progress, that is not the problem. But while I've progressed in some areas, I've also fallen back into old patterns, and it took me until tonight to realize how serious it is. What progress I have made has been general social progress, but when I find someone I'm really interested in, I have the same problems I used to. Perhaps it is oneitis... But it's not so much about this girl; it's more of a frustration with myself.
I've been waiting for signals, watching for signs of interest, despairing at signs of disinterest, and growing more frustrated every day. I've been worrying about what she thinks of me while being too careful, holding myself back.
I've lost control.
I've become completely dependent on her. My behavior and my mood have been directly based on how much and what kind of attention she gives me. I've become passive, reactive. And somehow I just didn't see it until now.
How did this happen?
I've forgotten some of the most fundamental principles of being a DJ.
- Always assume that she is interested rather than worrying about it.
- Remember that you don't need her approval or attention to be happy.
- Always stay in control. The man makes the moves, guides the relationship, acts rather than reacts.
- Don't be fazed by her bull****; you are above that.
- You don't need her; it doesn't matter what she thinks about you or whether she rejects you.
- Let go. Don't worry about her reactions, just do what you want to. Don't be afraid to leave your comfort zone or intrude on hers.
Action is always the key. I've been hesitant, holding back, and this just screams low confidence. A confident man gives 100% and never looks back. A confident man is a man who takes solid and decisive action without worrying about others' response. He is not afraid to show affection, yet he holds no expectations about the girl. Her acceptance or rejection isn't important, what's important is that he isn't holding himself back or allowing himself to be limited by those around him.
One of the fundamentals of Buddhism is that attachment leads to suffering. My problems have come from attachment; attachment to the external validation of another person. From now on, having come to these realizations, I will try to change my mindstate to one that is detached. I will try to let go and remember these principles.
The past several days have been stressful and left me in an anxious, tense, overly cautious state. I have been blinded by the illusion of progress. I have made progress, that is not the problem. But while I've progressed in some areas, I've also fallen back into old patterns, and it took me until tonight to realize how serious it is. What progress I have made has been general social progress, but when I find someone I'm really interested in, I have the same problems I used to. Perhaps it is oneitis... But it's not so much about this girl; it's more of a frustration with myself.
I've been waiting for signals, watching for signs of interest, despairing at signs of disinterest, and growing more frustrated every day. I've been worrying about what she thinks of me while being too careful, holding myself back.
I've lost control.
I've become completely dependent on her. My behavior and my mood have been directly based on how much and what kind of attention she gives me. I've become passive, reactive. And somehow I just didn't see it until now.
How did this happen?
I've forgotten some of the most fundamental principles of being a DJ.
- Always assume that she is interested rather than worrying about it.
- Remember that you don't need her approval or attention to be happy.
- Always stay in control. The man makes the moves, guides the relationship, acts rather than reacts.
- Don't be fazed by her bull****; you are above that.
- You don't need her; it doesn't matter what she thinks about you or whether she rejects you.
- Let go. Don't worry about her reactions, just do what you want to. Don't be afraid to leave your comfort zone or intrude on hers.
Action is always the key. I've been hesitant, holding back, and this just screams low confidence. A confident man gives 100% and never looks back. A confident man is a man who takes solid and decisive action without worrying about others' response. He is not afraid to show affection, yet he holds no expectations about the girl. Her acceptance or rejection isn't important, what's important is that he isn't holding himself back or allowing himself to be limited by those around him.
One of the fundamentals of Buddhism is that attachment leads to suffering. My problems have come from attachment; attachment to the external validation of another person. From now on, having come to these realizations, I will try to change my mindstate to one that is detached. I will try to let go and remember these principles.
