a quick course in cognitive psychology !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ALPHAROMEO]

again i recommend MARTIN SELIGMAN S LERANED OPTIMISM the best thing i ve found on the art of beating the blues and depression and gaining confidence in bedding all thise chicks

easy to apply though based on thirty years of research in that particular field by the president of the american psychological society

we re not talking about pop psychology here ! COGNITIVE PSYCHOLOGY has PICKED UP WHERE FREUNDISM has left off

basically it works like this
you take a particular sticking point for instance

I SUCK WITH APPROACHING THOSE CHICKS

You list all the negativive thoughts that stop you from approaching like

i am ugly
she ll insult me

i won t know what to say

then you offSet each negative thought with a rational positive one like

"she ll insult me "
you can counter this by saying " if i ask her a simple INNOCUOUS question about how good such or such a food is , why would she insult me ?

 

[ALPHAROMEO]

rsponse

surprised that no more guys responded to this thread

 

[SMS 48]

This is not remotely helpful.

In your example you're actually avoiding hitting on her with a question you don't care about.

 

[MrJibbles]

OP, I don't comprehend how exactly this is an illustration of learned optimism, but you make some good points. I think you're talking more along the lines of cognitive-behavioral therapy.

As humans we are flawed, warts and all. We tend to focus on the negative. CBT challenges these so-called "cognitive distortions" to provide our mentalities with healthier, more realistic ways of assessing situations. Instead of assuming that a date with a girl will go horribly, challenge the little devil on your shoulder. Instead of thinking "I am a loser, this will go completely downhill and she'll never like me", challenge the thoughts.

Who says you're a loser? The girl? Unlikely... How about yourself? This is called "labelling" and is brought about by yourself. Thinking a date will completely fail is called "catastrophization". Is there any evidence to suggest that literally EVERYTHING will go wrong? Unlikely. There may be a few slip-ups and awkward moments, but overall there will be good, bad, and neutral moments. Thinking that the girl will not like you is called "the fortune-teller error". Here, you predict the future will go badly and this therefore becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Be realistic, look at the situation for what it really is (NOT how you BELIEVE it is), and negate negative thoughts by questioning them, and then answering them realistically.

Change will be slow, but if you can train yourself to think and assess all situations like this, a sense of optimism should develop.

Just remember, patience. This will not happen overnight.

 

[pipe007]

you are giving very basic insight into what cognitive psychology is.

first of all it has nothing to do with freud. freud was not a cognitive psychologist.

second, what you are mentioning is called reframing, or cognitive restructuring.

cognitive psychology states that negative beliefs are automatic and irrational, these can be both conscious or subconscious. however, they are automatic and are rooted into a bigger symptom, which are deep rooted cognitive schemas.

you will never change a negative beliefs by attacking the automatic thoughts, such the ones you are describing sir. you can tell yourself for years that "oh yea I can ask a nice question and she won't reject me"

and IT WONT WORK.

because automatic negative thoughts are the results of cognitive schemas. which are programmed in your mind fOR YEARS, and they are extremely resistant to change.

you always think and scan your environment for evidnece that confirms your mental schemas and thus your negative thoughts, and it becomes a self fulfilling prohesy.

and you always disregard situatinos and evidence contrary to your cognitive schemas.

therefore if you wanna change your thinking, work at targeting your cognitive schemas. these are pervasive, stable, deeply ingrained in your subconscious, and VERY resistant to change.

its HARD WORK TO CHANGE THEM, but it's worth the effort.

a cognitive schema can be a pervasive thought that you are "socially inept" "unnatractive" "and not good enough" "no matter how hard you try, you will fail

that "women will reject you once they get to know you better"

if you have these schemas, then your automatic thoughts will come up in situatinos that trigger your cognitive schemas. for instance, you see a cutie, and automatic thought says " dont even try, she wont like you"

the scheme here is "i am undesirable and unattractive"

===============================================
another part of cognitive psychology includes the ABC model. this states that your beliefs (B) about an activating event (A) will generate a consequence (C).

you see a girl (A), you think "she wont like me" (B) generates feeligns of anxiety, avoidance, regret, more depression (C).

if you change the belief, you change the physiological processses inside your mind.

if you wanna learn more about cognitive psychology, or need help in this area seek a mental health therapist who can guide you into puting your thoughts in order.

good luck

this is