A question on creating - and balancing - competition anxiety

[Greasy Pig]

After studying Rollo's musings on creating competition anxiety (ie women want a man who could cheat but won't), I took a plate and her friends clubbing the other night, determined to test his theories.

Funnily enough, that night I seemed to run in to every chick I've ever met in this town over the years. It was weird.
Barmaids I hadn't seen for ages were rostered on, former co-workers were out on the town, my sister's friends, hot promo chicks were buying me shots....they were all out. I haven't boned any of them but I know them well enough to greet them with a hug or talk at length to.

So really it was the perfect environment to test Rollo's theories.

I think I was successful but I fear I may have overdone it.

I was high-fiving, hugging, doing shots with and chatting to so many different women that night but - as Rollo teaches - when I was done with each one, I went straight back to my plate and either put my arm around her waist, grabbed her on the butt or at least paid her some worthwhile attention.

At some stage through the night, I was chatting to a HB8-9 who I knew and next thing, one of my plate's friends comes up and grabs me saying: "Ok, Ok, I REALLY think you should come over here and talk to "Plate"."
I told her I'd be over in a sec but it seemed obvious to me that I might have been overdoing it. Her friends seemed p1ssed off but my plate seemed Ok. I was worried they'd be in her ear telling me what a pryck I am.

But then I think it might have worked because a bit later, my plate asked me if there was somewhere in the club we could go to fvck - which we did.

I'm positive I won't experience another night like this for a long time. There would've been at least 12 women - most of them quite attractive - who I chatted to.

But I guess my question is, how do you find balance with this tactic? I thought maybe I'd chat to two or three women and that would be enough to get my plate's hamster running but should you interact meaningfully with every girl you see like I did (ie the more the merrier) or just keep things at a minimum for fear your girl's competition anxiety blows out to thiking you're not interested in her or that she's playing second fiddle?

 

[disgustipated]

You think it might've worked, after you tucked her IN the club? Understament of the hear.

My friend I don't think you could get any more better, immidiate results than that. I would say you balanced it to.perfection per the results. Of course you're going to elicit a.**** test type.of reaction, if you're doing it right. My guess its how you respond to that , that is the real key.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Credit to you man, I would have never been able to do that, what you did proved to be the most safe and effective manouver.

I would have dropped all the plates and try to score that hb9, possibily without being seen from the others and in case of a no-go I would have quickly moved to the second plate in order of attractiveness.

Probably Im still too young to have such self control when it comes of hitting on hot girls.

 

[prickster]

After studying Rollo's musings on creating competition anxiety (ie women want a man who could cheat but won't), I took a plate and her friends clubbing the other night, determined to test his theories.

could I get a link to that?

 

[Greasy Pig]

I have to say that on re-reading my post, the fact she wanted to fvck right there in there in the club probably proves that my tactic worked.
I was just worried I overdid it.
Interestingly, she sent me a text tonight saying she worries she's developing feelings for me and is worried I don't reciprocate.
Therefore, she isn't going to contact me to hook up anymore but I should ask her next time I want to see her. WTF???
I know it's a shyt test and I laughed it off but it struck me as strange after showing really high IL.

Anyway, here are some links to "competition anxiety". http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2011/07/07/comment-of-the-week-5/
http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/03/16/the-gift-of-anxiety/

 

[Die Hard]

Very interesting, Greasy Pig! Especially this latest development where she expects you to initiate hookups from now on. I'm never absolutely sure how to act in such situations, I just try my best and hope it works out. You have to walk a fine line there... Give her enough assurance that you care for her and "reciprocate" feelings blah blah, but don't overdo it coz it will make you weak. I use to navigate on instinct rather than pre defined routines through such situations.

Anyone have good empirical-based and detailed advice on how to respond to what Greasy Pig's girl just did?

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear GP,
Your posts just become more and more insightful....you really are growing...Rollos and your observation on Female behaviour when presented with competition in the market,is typical of humans in general....Went to an auction years ago in which there was crazed bidding for weathered tins of fruit and vegetables,so bad that the labels could not be read!!.....The normally astute bidders offered significant margins over brand new cost of selected brands!!!....however I am sure they reverted to type the next day,as I am sure your Dolly Birds did also.....The moral is,to make Hay while you are on a roll!

 

[Greasy Pig]

Dear GP,
Your posts just become more and more insightful....you really are growing...Rollos and your observation on Female behaviour when presented with competition in the market,is typical of humans in general....Went to an auction years ago in which there was crazed bidding for weathered tins of fruit and vegetables,so bad that the labels could not be read!!.....The normally astute bidders offered significant margins over brand new cost of selected brands!!!....however I am sure they reverted to type the next day,as I am sure your Dolly Birds did also.....The moral is,to make Hay while you are on a roll!

Thanks Scar, I still have a lot to learn but I'm keen to give all these theories a good go and find what works most effectively.

Anyone have good empirical-based and detailed advice on how to respond to what Greasy Pig's girl just did?

Might be the subject of a separate thread, Diehard. What do you reckon?

 

[Die Hard]

I reckon this thread was originally about you testing competition anxiety on your plate. But it seems to me that this power play she's executing now, is a direct result of your test. So no need to start a seperate thread for that, right?

If you don't handle this situation correctly, it might go bad. If that happens, it would mean your test basically backfired on you Guys, how should he follow up and handle this action of hers? I must admit I'd be unsure how to respond if it were me...

 

[Buddha_Mind]

I don't think smart women like this as much as the manosphere states.

You really want to keep caffeinating her hampster and mentally mind fvcking her?

Is that love or is that twisted sh1t?

I think ultimately, a girl wants to know you have high value -- if she left you, likely some other woman would find you to be valuable -- but I think the whole creating competition anxiety thing can really put a woman off.

I've overdone it before too and it came back to BITE ME IN THE @ss.

That's really now how we ought to treat someone we really care about -- but if she is just a plate than so be it.

There is something to be said about being genuine. It just depends what you are after. I'm sure some cheap bar slvts would run their hampster wheels plenty--but who are you left with then? (what quality of person?)

How would most men here respond if their plate was out dancing with every dude, high-fiving, etc, etc, -- most men here would probably say she's overstepping her boundaries and would NEXT her. Some of this stuff is a two-way street for respect....

Respect..huh..

Is that something we value here?

 

[disgustipated]

The difference is that men place one.value on a woman initially, and that is she look good. So that behavior wouldn't be necessary for us to place any more value if she's met the.physical ones.

But men have to look good, have options, have a good job, be confident....so that behaviour fits into their requirements of us.

 

[Greasy Pig]

I've gone NC for the moment to see how she reacts. I'll probably call her on Friday if I haven't heard from her and bust her balls a bit, get her head back in the game.
As Buddha Mind intimated - and as I feared - I may have over-gamed her just a bit and it scared her.
I'm also convinced her friends are probably influencing her behaviour. They're all married to nice, quiet, obedient men and the friends are probably telling my plate shyt like: "You need a man like my Gary. He does everything for me and he certainly doesn't talk to other girls when we're out!"

I'll be very interested to see how this pans out.

 

[Greasy Pig]

I reckon this thread was originally about you testing competition anxiety on your plate. But it seems to me that this power play she's executing now, is a direct result of your test.

If you don't handle this situation correctly, it might go bad. If that happens, it would mean your test basically backfired on you Guys, how should he follow up and handle this action of hers? I must admit I'd be unsure how to respond if it were me...

UPDATE: She was being really distant and I was so very sorely tempted to reach out, tell her how amazing I think she is and how I really want to see her again.
But I knew as soon as I did that, she would lose interest (the kitten-chasing-a-piece-of-string theory).

There is absolutely no doubt that she was executing a power play - most likely encouraged by her friends who were disgusted by my almost continual interactions with other girls.
She even got the shyts when I told her I was unavailable to see her for three weeks. As if we were in a serious relationship already.
Said: "Aaaargh, I can't handle this anymore. All I want to do is press my naked chest against yours and kiss for hours but looks like that's not going to happen.
What advice would you give a girl who was seeing some guy who only sees her when he has nothing better to do?"

This was tough but I replied: "I would tell her that sometimes the life of a secret agent is sometimes so full of action, excitement, mystery and pressing commitments that he can't always be there to take her in his big, strong arms, tear her clothes off like an animal and have his way with her."

Didn't work. She gave a semi-serious reply and again ragged on me for turning her on and not being around to do anything about it.

I knew she was fishing for a compliment, some reassurance that I wasn't just using her. She had warned me that I would have to initiate any future meetings and she was holding firm. I was completely surprised by this show of backbone by her (no doubt while receiving constant encouragement from her fvcking cvnt friends).

I had to admit at this stage that I had been over-gaming her. I'd piqued her interested to fever pitch but then my continued incessant gaming had reduced her to a nervous wreck no longer capable of reconciling her feelings of dread and insecurity with actual desire.
But straight out complimenting her and placating her is the easy, AFC way out.
Instead, I played her game and initiated some meetings - but meetings I knew she would have no way of making.
I have a day off this week and I'm going hiking. I invited her along, knowing full well that she wouldn't be able to make it.
Of course, she declined but said she'd "love" to go with me again sometime.
OK, so I've gained a little ground.
Next, I invited her to a big day of horseracing in my hometown. Again, because she knows people here and doesn't want anyone to know she's seeing someone so soon after her marriage break-up, I figured she would again decline. Which she did.
And it's a relief because I know another plate of mine will be there also. It was a calculated risk.
Then today I get a loooong email from her and she seems (emphasis on the "seems") to be back to her old self. Saying again that she wishes she could join me hiking and imagining what we could get up to by ourselves in the bush etc etc etc. A lot of sexual overtones and witty banter.

So the lesson I learned from this is that there is more than one way to skin a cat. The AFC way: ie changing your plans to suit her, complimenting her, going out of your way to placate her; or the less risky way of simply showing your interest in her in other ways: ie initiating impossible meetings.

This serves two purposes: One, she gets the impression that you're interested and starts to relax a bit more; and Two, she will feel guilty for declining your date offers and act to show you she's interested.

Once again, this is a work in progress and I have no idea where it will end up. She lives two hours away, she is divorced, she has kids, she has a psycho ex-husband. All of these things were at the top of my "Do not entertain" list.
But she's an amazing fvck and she's pretty hot, so I'll just see how long I can keep it going before we have to have "The Talk".