A post about friends (or rather ex-friends)

[imarockstar]

I am getting older, in my mid-20's now, and I am finally over trying to fit in. I am done being insecure about not having friends, and keeping bad friends in order to stay popular or have things to do. I have tried to see past all the BS but I am starting to realize that the people I consider friends are purely out of convenience. The one only calls me when he is bored or when his other friends or girlfriend is busy. Aside from that, he uses all of his other friends, then when they aren't around, he talks behind their back. Safe to say that he does the same when I am not around.

The other guys in this social circle are mostly A$$holes. Former high school athletes who don't stop talking about their glory days. Yes, high school, not even college, but to them, its the last time they have done anything worth talking about. I have heard from the original friend that the others talked negatively about me when they found out I did MMA, bringing up my lack of athleticism in high school. Jesus, so not only are these guys losers, they are also jealous people, they say fvcked up things about each other, and God help me if they aren't the most hipster/annoying dudes I have ever met.

Guys, if you have friends that you genuinely do not like being around, who do not look out for your best interest, do NOT hang out with them out of necessity. Stay busy, or make money, or find a girlfriend. These "friends" will only hold you back and bring you down. It took for me to stop drinking for a few weeks and not going out to bars with them to realize this. I was only out with them because that was my routine. I probably continued to drink because I was worried if I stopped, my friends wouldn't like me anymore. Who cares? I still have friends that though I do not see them often, they are good people and will always have my back.

Although, you never know. I thought my cousin was my best friend. He's the goddaughter of my child, but suddenly he starts talking to "a girl who is so different than any other girl", and doesn't even bother to see me or my kid when he comes home a month ago. He spent every day with his new GF. Poor guy, he has to learn the hard way. He, on the other hand, has always looked out for me and had my best interest at heart, so eventually I will forgive him. He just made a mistake.

The bottom line is, you are better off with nobody in your life than to be in poor company.

 

[Jules_Winfield]

imarockstar, I've never had a genuinely good friend. Their negative feelings come out months or years later. I once spent hours breaking down all my friendships to a female friend and a female family member, hoping they could give me advise as to how I could be a better person/friend. They concluded that the problem wasn't mine, but I couldn't figure out why it kept happening. And then it started happening with family members.

What I've learned is that when men are dealing with you, they are sizing you up to see if they're better than you in two ways: intelligence and ability to get women. Whenever they would brag about another aspect of their life, it was because they felt I was better than them in one of those two categories and felt the need to compensate.

 

[imarockstar]

Exactly. Why does everything have to be a competition? What ever happened to being good to one another and being there for each other. I can no longer stand this superficial state of friendships I currently have, where the only reason we hang out is to drink together and watch football, chase women, or play video games. I mean, I have nothing against all of that, but not while my so called friend is busy trying to one up me or sit there and talk about themselves, or make sure we all know he is the best. I'm over it.

I'm not saying that I want a relationship similar to what women have where we cry on each others shoulders after something happens and get all emotional, I just won't stand for fake friendships any longer.

And jules, the reason that the negativity comes out months later is because you have gotten to know that person and see their true colors. People can be very different when you first meet them, and in time you will see the person they truly are. I'm not saying everyone will be a bad friend or everyone has hidden agendas, but you just need to keep an eye out and really reflect sometimes because some people do not deserve your friendship.

 

[jjacob]

I can definitely see where you guys are coming from. You really can't trust anyone but family and even then you have to question their true motives. I've found that with a greater understanding of women comes an even greater understanding of social dynamics in general. Definitely a double edged sword: you protect yourself from getting fooled and used but it can really hard to see the good in people. Especially when a lot of good deeds can be boiled down to a backdoor approach to manipulation.

 

[Jules_Winfield]

This is just how more people are. The competition is the result of their insecurities.

imarockstar, let me guess, you want to talk politics, religion, "The Godfather" vs. "City of God," etc... Most people can't talk about a lot of subjects because their insecurities prevent them from processing information correctly. I've met people who call themselves Republicans, but they do so thinking it will tell you everything about them and how they think. Once you start questioning them, they realize they've never given any of their "beliefs" any thought. Some people get hostile, some snap out of their mental fog. Then there are the lazy people who would prefer to play video games to reading a book.

You're right about true colors coming out, but I've also had people have a perception of me that wasn't based in reality. They'll see me the way they want to see me to feel superior. It never occurs to them that they don't know me.

 

[speed dawg]

Insecurity is one of the biggest cancers of western civilization. Almost every problem can be traced back to this.

 

[glass half full]

I too have endured this sort of thing. In fact I lost my last best friend because he and my wife got together after I had heath issues, and he basically held his increased feeling of masculinity over my head, and my wife did the same, of course they deny it happened, but after talking to his overconfident way too drunk a$$ one night, I know for a fact.

About every friend I've had in my life has stabbed me down somehow. Usually over pvssy. Or popularity, by talking you down behind your back when they feel their masculinity threatened. my soon to be ex-wife even started introducing me at parties with her friends as "antisocial". But anyone who knows me who is older or younger, and not in the competitive loop, say I'm a really good guy. It is indeed all about competition for pvssy, one way or the other.