A new way of men and woman

[fieldman12]

I am sure I will get knocked by allot of people for what I am about to write, and their is allot that will agree with me also. I use to be very, very, AFC and in the last few years have got very well with dealing with woman. Now here is my thing. This is what I have noticed about most guys and girls of today. I honestly feel that our society in the US has gotten way out of hand as far as relationships. It just seems to me that everbody cheats on somebody, mutiple partners in the bed at the same time, and on and on. Now i know all of this has went on since the beginning of time, but some of the things I am seeing makes me never want to get married here in the US. What I have noticed as a guy is that allot of girls are getting rid of guys that they should keep and marry. Now yes, I am sure some of the guys go AFC big time, but some just really love that girl. What i have noticed is relationships these days are fly by night. I here girls say that a guy is to nice and so on. Well I have looked into some of these cases and it just is not true. All of these guys and girls I have noticed that have these issues I have found out one thing. They have all been very hurt in the past by a realatioship that has gone bad and just have never gotten over it. Guys and girls both talk about wanting someone to love and be with all their life, but when the first little bump comes, they are ready to get out of the relationship. I often find who they decide to next have a relationship with ends up cheating on them, beating them, trying to kill them, plays mind games, or just leaves them and guess what they love them like no other. Why do people now choose to be unhappy? I know my personal self that I am not out to do every girl out their. Yes, I have done a few differnet girls, but never cheated on any of them. I know I dont want to have to go through life and think "what type of emotional roller coaster ride do I need to give our relationship today". I am sorry but this is not what relationships should be built on and never was ment to be. I look at my relatives and ask my self quesions like okay what attracted them to each other and what is holding them together. What do I do wrong in a relationship that they seem to have right. I see a future where marriage will be a thing of the past if things dont change. It seems that all people no matter how old, ugly, pretty, rich, or poor are having these problems. I often think about how I live in the greatest country in the world, but live in the worst country to have a wife and a family in. It now takes the both of you to raise a family and all of this just adds to stress that yesterdays man and woman did not have to worry about as much. I am sure people will make fun of me on here and call me AFC, but ask yourself this. Is things in relationships like they where 50 years ago and now how do you go about making a relationship work. Im sorry for the long post but allot of guys and girls around me have been seeing this big problem. It is not ment to be that you need to chase ten girls all the time because your affraid of falling in love with one and them then deciding to get weird and dump you. How do you all think about todays relationships?

 

[niggah]

you peice of **** use paragraphs and keep ti short PEICE OF ****

 

[fieldman12]

Who you calling a piece of ****. You cannot even spell it or piece correctly. I think you better look at yourself before you run your mouth. Fieldman12

 

[Lord_Pancake]

fieldman quote: "I see a future where marriage will be a thing of the past if things dont change."

Perhaps this is because humans are a polygamous species. monogamous marriages are unnatural and the marriage ritual has only been around for the last 0.01% of human evolution. That's 0.01%. That means the behavior of don juans - dating multiple girls, etc - worked for 99.9% of our evolution, so im betting my money that don juans and humans in general will still work after marriage morally collapses or whatever your trying to say.

To answer your question I think today's relationships represent why an institution of monogamy doesn't work in a polygamous society. Jared Diamond (pulitzer prize winner) wrote about an experiment in his Third Chimpanzee book where a doctor took dna samples of thousands of babies and found over 1/10 to belong to be fathered by a man different than the woman's husband.
You talk about what relationships really mean. Relationships are about relating. And monogamy has proven to be an unsuccessful method of relating to one another. I'm sure plenty of nice guys will vouch for me - too often they find themselves alone as women go for the mildly polygamous men.

 

[jakethasnake]

So are you saying that you wouldn't mind me boning your hot future-wife, Fieldman? Just a rhetorical question.


Remember - our EGOS are out downfall. Each and every one of us are slaves to it. And give me a call if you find a way to let go of your ego, 100% - I'd love to know how..

 

[Austin Allegro]

Fieldman, you make some good points (although please try to use para breaks in future as that made my eyes hurt).

What you must understand is there has never been any golden period of relationships in human history.

Even when monogamous marriage was at its peak as a social, legal and religious institution (probably between about 1600 and 1900) it wasn't all a bed of roses.

Just look at any old books , films, plays etc - one of the biggest source of plots is how people feel trapped in loveless marriages, or how they are made to marry against their will, etc.

Because people didn't move around much, their choice of partners was limited, so you often had very little choice in who you married.

So it wasn't all perfect - but I agree that one of the problems today is that people, especially women, are encouraged by our consumer society to feel discontent with their lives in general. Add to that the replacement of religious faith with an endless search for 'personal fulfillment' (usually through sex and relationships) and there is bound to be trouble.

Some of us have woken up and unplugged from the matrix...but I wish more women would...

 

[squirrels]

This goes along with what I've been saying for the last few months...YOU DON'T GET MARRIED FOR LOVE!!

In the days of classic monogamous marriage, people didn't marry the woman they loved. They found someone they loved to marry. Now people get into these boring-ass passion-based relationships and eventually the flames die down and they find themselves wondering, "what's next?" So they get married because it's the next logical step for two people who love each other. Or because all their friends and family pressure them into it.

Back in the days when marriage was sacred, people who got married WANTED to marry. They were born and bred to marry. They didnt' marry because they loved someone, they married because they wanted to start a family. They just did it with someone they loved in order to make the union agreeable for the long-term.

Marriage isn't about love. It's not about sex. It's about FAMILY. It's really a separate discussion from seduction altogether. If you have to put forth an effort to seduce a woman, do you REALLY want to marry her? The only member of your family that you ever get to CHOOSE?

THAT is why divorce rates are so high. Not because people don't respect the sanctity of marriage, but because they don't respect the sanctity of FAMILY.

 

[Austin Allegro]

Squirrels, that is an excellent post. You are damned right. In the past, people married because of social compatibility - ie, their families got on and would create a stronger union through the marriage, and physical compatibility - ie they were both 'good breeders'.

If you married someone with whom you had a lot in common, even if there was no great 'passion', you could be reasonably sure you would muck along together ok and you might even grow to love each other over time.

But now we are made to believe that 'personal fulfillment' via romantic love is the be all and end all of human relationships, which is nonsense because 'passion' tends to wear off after a few years and without compatibility you are left with nothing.

 

[TitaniumFireBEAR]

Interesting Topic.

Had to chime in...

While we can't change the epidemic that is America malfunctioning, we can change ourselves. And that is the only constant, change. Change yourself, change everything and everyone else.

I believe there are 2 elements to the big question you pose...

Our instinctual/natural side, and our spiritual/human side.

The instinctual/natural side being our proclivity to procreate, perferable with multiple people.

And our spiritual/human side being our conscious being, our self, our ability to create tangible life from intangible thought.

While some give way to the evolutionary position that we are man upright mammals given to our natural drives, I reject a holistic approach that precludes our higher selves. Look at the wonderous and miraculous cities we have built. Glimpse at the art, the music, the medicine created from nothing but a vision and a dream. Bask in the glory that is human achievement and realize we are capable of so much more than our animal and mammal brotheren.

What do I believe the downfall is?

Decent people getting involved with those who seek not to improve, not to grow, not to learn, not to achieve. They fear change. They believe it is impossible to go for the dreams. They've lost the child-like curiousity and innocence once so prevalent in their lives. How do I know this is true?

Because my own family demonstrates to me each day this very situation. I love them dearly, but many of them only want to realize what they can, because the fear of a potentially better situation frightens them, just as newness frightens most everyone on this globe.

If we're to combat the rampant cases of infidelity and damaged relationships, it must start with each one of us. That is the primary reason for a failed relationship, a lack of understanding of ourselves. How many friends do you lose to people who are serial relationship freaks?

They seek a relationship for comfort and solace and indentity. Or worse off, they fear relationships because of past hurts. Well, how do you know you just didn't draw an unlucky straw last time and this time you're sitting on a winning lottery ticket? You don't...until you cash your chips in and anty up again.

I'd blather on about failed relationships, but I won't. I've lost many solid family connections due to divorce, something which should have been prevented. Yes, if one falls out of love, whatever your definition might be, it is difficult to enable the connection. HOWEVER, you can RE-connect with someone on many levels.

People are personalities, our idenitities are not fixed states of mind. They're constantly fluid, constantly flowing. Who you are today, isn't who you will be. And who you are right now, isn't who you were. Your cells are constantly dying and regenerating, providing you with a new external machine, shouldn't you do the same thing with regards to the computers that run it? Shouldn't you upgrade the software for the new millenium?

The biggest failure in relationships, aside from the super programming MTV and other scandalous channels impose on people today, is lethargy and an aversion to growth. Most people want to find who and what they love and build something around, a Great Wall of Protection so that nothing will happen. Impossible. Change will happen. Your choice to deal with that change and evolve the relationship ultimately determines your success. Capice?

To me, it's a tragedy, a real tragedy to NOT maximize our brain power, our high conscious being, our self awareness. And to relegate ourselves and our higher powers to those of chimps is foolish. We are not clods driven by emotions we can't control. We have a conscious being inside of us that grants us choices of outcomes. When something is counter to our desired outcome, we are given the miraculous ability to change our course toward what we seek.

Stepping off my pedastal...I may be too 'idealistic' about what Love and Marriage is, but would it make me happy to lower my standards if only to be married or fake love? That would do a severe disservice to the institution of marriage and the connection known as love.

I will comment on one thing. Marriage is, and always will be one thing, the deeply emotional and religious connection between 2 people who have come together to unite 2 lives into 1. You may believe differently, HOWEVER, this is why they fail. In reality, marriage is nothing more than a legal document. But what does this legal document do? It binds 2 bodies, 2 spirits, 2 entities together in legal and holy matrimony in such a way that you are inextricably linked. What he does, affects her, and what she does, affects him. No 2 ways about it. Read what the priest preaches when he is marrying 2 people and you should adhere to that, and much more. As well as the promise to grow TOGETHER, not apart. Such growth takes CONSCIOUS effort, it does not happen magically as Hollywood would pretend it does. Just as success in life takes planning, so to do relationships.


B.E.A.R.