loving
Senior Don Juan
I'm at a point where I can feel a new paradigm emerging to my personality. I feel new things and see things in different ways, that I have never felt before, or seen only glimpses of through other people bringing them out in me, or through their actions. Right now as I write this I am feeling sort of down, I think it is important to say that this may affect how I write, but I am hoping that just posting my general (not current, down) frame of mind will boost me back up. Regardless, I will take some time after clearing my head of the contents of this thread to make myself feel good again.
Anyway, my intent here is to receive feedback from you guys about what of my current mindstate is good, what is on its way to becoming good, and what needs to be completely changed into something good. I hope you can provide me with your wisdom and insight. On with it:
I'm finally beginning to see women in abundance. The scarcity mindset is still somewhat with me, and I recognize it is the cause of all AA and generally misrepresented views towards women. I see hundreds of women a day, a lot of which are hot and some of which I feel attraction to. It's starting to sink in just how much choice one really has. I also see hundreds of guys too. I am not gay, however I do recognize good looking men when I see them, and there's also just some things about some guys where you look at them and say 'they're cool'. So I see how much choice women have too.
I've heard women get approached X amounts of times a day or whatever, but honestly I have seen very few approaches being done, and have no real way of knowing that anyway. I still have AA. I asked myself today, why? Why are you so afraid of talking to a girl? There's millions in this city, billions on this planet. They're people like your buddies and your parents. I couldn't think of an answer. "But obviously there's a reason you are afraid," I told myself, "otherwise you wouldn't be thinking this and you would go." And I was stunned. I couldn't figure out why I couldn't make myself go and do something I so clearly wanted to do. Its like when I see that beauty in front of me and just take a moment to bask there in its awe, it scares me the **** away and I just want to avoid it.
I know myself and as I am now, I do not want to invest in the experience of women. I don't think I'll have enough to offer. I don't think I am enough. I don't know what will make me enough. And, I haven't even tried to make myself enough. So often in my day my mind is filled with garbage. Why am I thinking half of it? I try to stop, and it works for a little, then even more random, and less relevant stuff comes up into my head. I don't like this obsession I've got with past and future. Worrying about outcomes and dwelling over mistakes. Its not getting me anywhere, but I have no idea what to replace it with.
Shutting off my mind is hard! When I do what Eckhart says and just try to become more present, feel my body and focus on deep breating, I succeed somewhat, with practice I've been able to do it for longer, but where is the threshold? I don't hit that state that I've experienced as satori before, and in the end for all my effort I am left worn out and it feels like all this time has been spent and for it I am worse in my present situation. It does not bode well for relating to people, as I often have to call another state, which admittedly is not all that effective anyway, but better socially than just being there so relaxed I don't want to speak.
I over think things in the heat of the moment. I am afraid of going for what I want, and will plan infinitely before it is time for me to take action. The seldom times I do take some course of action, I am in my normally fuzzy and unlikable (Even by me) state of being, and do not do much to improve the girls state or add value. If by rare chance I do achieve such a state, I let anxiety creep in and again begin to over-analyze. Not in a way that controls how I am, but in a way that justifies all the negative beliefs I have about how her actions equal something bad in that context. She could never really like me.
Did something I say resonate with you, have you moved up from it and know the solution? Please help me move on up too. God bless
Anyway, my intent here is to receive feedback from you guys about what of my current mindstate is good, what is on its way to becoming good, and what needs to be completely changed into something good. I hope you can provide me with your wisdom and insight. On with it:
I'm finally beginning to see women in abundance. The scarcity mindset is still somewhat with me, and I recognize it is the cause of all AA and generally misrepresented views towards women. I see hundreds of women a day, a lot of which are hot and some of which I feel attraction to. It's starting to sink in just how much choice one really has. I also see hundreds of guys too. I am not gay, however I do recognize good looking men when I see them, and there's also just some things about some guys where you look at them and say 'they're cool'. So I see how much choice women have too.
I've heard women get approached X amounts of times a day or whatever, but honestly I have seen very few approaches being done, and have no real way of knowing that anyway. I still have AA. I asked myself today, why? Why are you so afraid of talking to a girl? There's millions in this city, billions on this planet. They're people like your buddies and your parents. I couldn't think of an answer. "But obviously there's a reason you are afraid," I told myself, "otherwise you wouldn't be thinking this and you would go." And I was stunned. I couldn't figure out why I couldn't make myself go and do something I so clearly wanted to do. Its like when I see that beauty in front of me and just take a moment to bask there in its awe, it scares me the **** away and I just want to avoid it.
I know myself and as I am now, I do not want to invest in the experience of women. I don't think I'll have enough to offer. I don't think I am enough. I don't know what will make me enough. And, I haven't even tried to make myself enough. So often in my day my mind is filled with garbage. Why am I thinking half of it? I try to stop, and it works for a little, then even more random, and less relevant stuff comes up into my head. I don't like this obsession I've got with past and future. Worrying about outcomes and dwelling over mistakes. Its not getting me anywhere, but I have no idea what to replace it with.
Shutting off my mind is hard! When I do what Eckhart says and just try to become more present, feel my body and focus on deep breating, I succeed somewhat, with practice I've been able to do it for longer, but where is the threshold? I don't hit that state that I've experienced as satori before, and in the end for all my effort I am left worn out and it feels like all this time has been spent and for it I am worse in my present situation. It does not bode well for relating to people, as I often have to call another state, which admittedly is not all that effective anyway, but better socially than just being there so relaxed I don't want to speak.
I over think things in the heat of the moment. I am afraid of going for what I want, and will plan infinitely before it is time for me to take action. The seldom times I do take some course of action, I am in my normally fuzzy and unlikable (Even by me) state of being, and do not do much to improve the girls state or add value. If by rare chance I do achieve such a state, I let anxiety creep in and again begin to over-analyze. Not in a way that controls how I am, but in a way that justifies all the negative beliefs I have about how her actions equal something bad in that context. She could never really like me.
Did something I say resonate with you, have you moved up from it and know the solution? Please help me move on up too. God bless