A Lesson on the true nature of women

[Jariel]

Boy did I get sucked in and played! Let's just say this is one of those valuable lessons that really smartens a guy up.

I went out for a drink last night with a girl I met online. Things were actually going really well, lots of flirting and a good rapport. She was very complimentary too.

Then at some point during the night two of her friends came over to say hello. They just happened to be in the same bar that night (but that's besides the point).

I looked at one of the girls and she looked at me. Holy sh1t! It was Sarah, my last major oneitis from a few months ago. In fact, I never got over her 100%. We had hit it off so well when we were together and she seemed really into me. She suggested we give each other love bites, took a photo of us together, had amazing sex, I slept over and we cuddled up in bed together. She seemed such a sweet girl with great morals, and really appeared to be long term girlfriend material. I really thought she was special.We arranged to meet again, but then out of nowhere she broke it off and said she wasn't ready to date.

I'd done well to move on, but now I realised that she was close friends with my date. She recognised me straight away, smiled and said "Hey Jariel, how are you?" I greeted her back politely. So now my date clicked that me and her friend knew each other.

They left us alone and the first thing my date said to me was, "If you and Sarah have slept together, then we really need to end this date."

I was taken aback by this. Why did she immediately assume that when we'd merely said hello to each other?

I didn't admit to it straight away, but wanted to know why she'd said that.

"Sarah and me are good friends and I can't be with anyone who has already been in her".

I tried to press for more information. "But why would you automatically assume that?"

"Cos I know what she's like when it comes to men."

"She get's around a bit then?"

"I never actually said that, but she definitely likes men."

My heart actually sank. Despite it being months ago and despite having moved on, it hurt to realise that our "special" night together was just a one night stand and that I was just one in a long line of men. I really believed that when she broke it off with me, she was being honest, but she was really just pushing me aside and making way for the next guy. My illusions were shattered.

My date already knew I'd slept with her and wasn't going to believe anything else so I admitted to it. I told her I understand where she's coming from and we parted ways amicably.

It's sh!t like this that really makes a guy cynical about women. I got played in the worst way, and yet I was left thinking my wonderful oneitis girl was so sweet and innocent, that what we shared meant something. If it wasn't for this freak coincidence, I never would've known what she was really like and would've continued in blissful ignorance.

It makes me realise just how blissfully ignorant most of us guys really are and how many girls play us in this way. The chances are if a girl ends it out of the blue, she's got some other guy (or several) she's lining up to bang.

On one hand, it really winds me up how deceitful and manipulative some women can be, but on the other, it feels like the more of this behaviour I see, the wiser I become.

I guess we should just keep those plates spinning and never take the words of a woman at face value.

 

[oneboy21]

If you and Sarah have slept together, then we really need to end this date."

Why did she immediately assume that when we'd merely said hello to each other?


You are a very senior to me
here is my opinion, I have noticed these days women associate themselves with the guys they are interested in sleeping with or getting some kind of pleasure out of it, other wise they won't.

 

[Pintero]

That's the truth right there. Women can't be trusted, and the only way to find out if they're really serious is to play them instead of letting them play you. :/

 

[Serg897]

Sounds like my oneitis from a few months ago too.

Thanks for this post, just reiterates what I've already learned. Always keep your guard up. Never invest fully into one woman until she has earned it.

 

[Kenny Powers]

Its important to keep in mind that there are sane and normal girls out there who are relationship material so dont always assume you need to be wary of getting played.

That being said every guy on this site needs to read this post. Until you really get to know a girl you need to realize you cant trust her and should always expect the unexpected. Even after you get to know her remain a little wary cause she can still pull random shiit.

Dont fall for a girl too early cause this shiit might happen!!!!! Buyer be wary.

perfect example of why you need to judge a girl by her actions and not her words!

 

[floydb25]

You just fell too fast, and became blinded by the person she potrayed herself as being - not who she really was. Everyone starts off nice, faithful, caring, etc in the beginning. They claim to be something they're not, and try to get you to sympathize with them. The players are the best at this. Everything they do is for show. It's their whole game. They move fast and charm people to get what they want - without revealing their true selves - then leave, and jump to the next sucker. You got played by a player.

The whole point of being a player is to not be perceived as one. They all put on a good girl act. This is how they lower your defenses and get you to fall for their "sweetness". They're nice girls looking for relationships, and play the role very well. And you fell for it. Mission accomplished for them. This doesn't mean every woman is a player. Just the players are players.

I still question the kind of women you're going after. Online, bars, drinking... Do you expect NOT to run into *****s and players in these avenues? They're filled with them. By the way, people associate with what they are. This "friend" is probably just like her. She might talk **** about her, but everyone does. Doesn't mean they're any better than they are.

You're attracted to the wrong kind of women, and looking for them in the wrong places.

 

[Aaron B]

They left us alone and the first thing my date said to me was, "If you and Sarah have slept together, then we really need to end this date."

immediately stand up and say something like

"Ok then! It was nice to meet you! Have a great night!"

then turn away from her and see if she "lets" you leave


I call all bluffs

 

[Jariel]

I've tried to hard to resist thinking this way and being cynical, but there's only so many times you can be played before suddenly the truth hits you. This isn't the first time. That said, I feel it's important to become wise rather than bitter. Like Kenny said, they're not all like that, but I definitely believe you need to approach with caution.

In my experience the "nice girls" are the worst of them all. They really know how to lay on the guilt trip, play innocent, play the victim, play sweet and submissive, and they have a range of tactics in their arsenal of manipulation. Just watch out for them!

 

[Jariel]

The whole point of being a player is to not be perceived as one. They all put on a good girl act. This is how they lower your defenses and get you to fall for their "sweetness". They're nice girls looking for relationships, and play the role very well. And you fell for it.

Absolutely true and I've fallen for it several times now.

I totally agree that's the key to being a great player and I've recently started using this same tactic to my advantage. After being played so many times I'm starting to do the playing now. Although I keep an open mind that I'll meet someone relationship-worthy one day, I'm gonna enjoy myself and play the field until that person comes along.

 

[floydb25]

Ah, but those aren't nice girls. They are a wolf in sheep's clothing. Genuine nice girls do exist. You can tell - because they're actually nice, caring, generous, thoughtful, respectful, faithful, and happy. *****es and players only pretend to be nice.

If you pay attention, and don't fall for their BS charade - you can see the truth quite easily. These people are fake and charming. Nothing nice about them. It's only how they want to be perceived. The charade never lasts; they always end up doing the things you listed (and much more). But, you can always sense these aren't nice people. They might be vulgar, arrogant, snobby, shallow, neglectful, manipulative, rude, demanding, bitter, unhappy, angry etc, etc. This is not a nice person. Only being nice to *******s and bullies does not make them a nice person. Playing the victim and claiming nice girls finish last does not make them nice - especially if they're manipulating you at the same time as doing this (which is the whole point, and how they prevent you from suspecting THEY could be bad themselves).

Bad people do exist out there. Up to you to be cautious and pay attention.

 

[zekko]

We had hit it off so well when we were together and she seemed really into me. She suggested we give each other love bites, took a photo of us together, had amazing sex, I slept over and we cuddled up in bed together. She seemed such a sweet girl with great morals

I'm not sure what out of the above convinced you that she was a sweet girl with good morals.

You just fell too fast, and became blinded by the person she potrayed herself as being - not who she really was. Everyone starts off nice, faithful, caring, etc in the beginning. They claim to be something they're not, and try to get you to sympathize with them. The players are the best at this. Everything they do is for show. It's their whole game. They move fast and charm people to get what they want - without revealing their true selves - then leave, and jump to the next sucker. You got played by a player.

The whole point of being a player is to not be perceived as one. They all put on a good girl act. This is how they lower your defenses and get you to fall for their "sweetness". They're nice girls looking for relationships, and play the role very well. And you fell for it. Mission accomplished for them. This doesn't mean every woman is a player. Just the players are players.

Floyd is exactly right here. There are men and there are women, and most people are not trustworthy, unfortunately. There are probably less women who are trustworthy than men. And even if they are trustworthy, that doesn't mean they will be attracted to you. So despite the idea of "abundance mentality", if you get a genuinely nice girl who is attracted to you, that's a find.

Women who are players or attention hos are very good at playing their role. I'm always suspicious of a woman that seems too good to be true. She has to qualify herself before I believe she is what she is portraying herself to be.

Too bad your oneitis got the pleasure of seeing your date ruined because of her.
I wonder if this girl called it off because she didn't want to step on Sarah's toes, or if she just can't respect anyone who's been with her.

 

[Jariel]

Ah, but those aren't nice girls. They are a wolf in sheep's clothing.

Exactly! They're the female equivalent of "nice guy". The difference is that women are a lot smarter and more cautious when it comes to "nice guys" than we are when it comes to "nice girls".

I'm not sure what out of the above convinced you that she was a sweet girl with good morals.

Well it wasn't that which gave me this impression. We'd built a great rapport beforehand. But a lot of what convinced me was the things she said which proves that point that you should always pay attention to her actions rather than her words.


Obviously I don't regret fvcking her. I had an amazing night and she went out of her way to satisfy me sexually, but it was the fact that she deceived me and led me to think she was someone she wasn't and wanted a relationship that really bothers me.

I have to take responsibility though as it's my own fault for letting my guard down and falling way too fast.

 

[zekko]

Obviously I don't regret fvcking her. I had an amazing night and she went out of her way to satisfy me sexually, but it was the fact that she deceived me and led me to think she was someone she wasn't and wanted a relationship that really bothers me.

Be happy you got her in the sack. Look at all the guys here who were never able to get their oneitis into bed, and only wished they could. You're one of the lucky ones.

Or you could look at it like you degraded yourself with this slvt. Either viewpoint serves its purpose

 

[Zerro]

here is my opinion, I have noticed these days women associate themselves with the guys they are interested in sleeping with or getting some kind of pleasure out of it, other wise they won't.

Not any different from men really, we don't tend to spend much time with women whom we have no interest in.

I wonder if this girl called it off because she didn't want to step on Sarah's toes, or if she just can't respect anyone who's been with her.

Most likely the later: women who are interested in the same man don't care about stepping on one another's toes.

 

[Kenny Powers]

This is easily becoming one of the best threads i've seen on here in a while, except for my FR of course Instead of whining and trying to win the girl back like way too many people do on this site (not saying jariel did) just identify the issue, learn from the experience, fvck another girl. Thats it!

My AFC roommate thinks im falsely stereotyping girls based on a few bad experiences when i say most are overly emotional and irrational. Too bad 9 out of 10 married men and everyone on this site will tell you the same thing.

No one knows girls better than other girls. Ask a chill girl with lots of guy friends why she doesn't hang out with girls and you can bet her answer will be pretty damn similar to the same answer a lot of guys here would give about their view on girls.

Again not all bad but be cautious and careful about getting hurt early on.

So many good quotes too:

"After being played so many times I'm starting to do the playing now. Although I keep an open mind that I'll meet someone relationship-worthy one day, I'm gonna enjoy myself and play the field until that person comes along."

"The whole point of being a player is to not be perceived as one"

"Remember, the one thing that men and women have in common, is not trusting women."

 

[Aaron B]

"I'm not a player, I'm the coach"

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

How AJ would have handled this situation

"You shouldn't always assume negative things. Just because someone knows someone doesn't mean they slept with someone."

*Continue with my date*

 

[Jariel]

"You shouldn't always assume negative things. Just because someone knows someone doesn't mean they slept with someone."

*Continue with my date*

I said this to her almost word for word, but somehow she just knew. Nothing I could've said would've convinced her otherwise.

I wonder if this girl called it off because she didn't want to step on Sarah's toes, or if she just can't respect anyone who's been with her.

She was visibly upset, but very reasonable about it. She just explained that if she got involved with me she'd just keep thinking how her friend had already been there first and that was too weird for her.

I knew exactly what she meant as I couldn't go with a girl my friends had been with either.

Be happy you got her in the sack. Look at all the guys here who were never able to get their oneitis into bed, and only wished they could. You're one of the lucky ones.

Definitely! It was amazing to be with someone I was madly attracted to and have her doing everything she could to satisfy me. She never expected me to pay for dates or run around doing favours for her (not that I would anyway) so it's not like I actually lost out on anything.

This is how we need to approach these situations with women. Despite what she says, how she makes you feel or how you might perceive her, treat each experience as if it was a one night stand. Just enjoy the date, go for the sex and have a great time banging her.

 

[Johnnyventana]

I think you should contact the "friend" or your one-nighter and say, "I realize we can't date now, but I think you're pretty cool. We should still hang. Let's do Y on X date." 100 bucks you nail her.

She had to front with her friend all in your face like that.

 

[st_99]

My heart actually sank.

You really wanted to believe she was different than the way your date described her, that she was the person you built up in your mind.

Well, the lesson here is, do not ever assume anything and don't put so much stock in sex.

If a girl found out you had sex with 12 girls last year, and she told you her heart sank when she found out because thats too many girls, you'd probably say... "relax, I'm a good normal person that would like to find someone i really want to be with, not some sex crazed freak" So its no different really imo.