A huge setback of mine..Help needed

[WrEcKLeSS2000]

Well guys...Things are better for me now...After having that huge successful day I the mall I've haven't been doing that much...I just finished finals and now vacation has begun...Great feeling...Update on that girl that I had that "get together with"...I currently just dropped her because she lives too far away 30 minutes....I wasn't worth it to me...Also it shows me that I wasn't infatuated with her and I don't "NEED" her...

Secondly, I was chillin with some friends yesterday...a few girls and some guys...And I realized something huge about myself that I knew but was really clear to me yesterday...It affected me more cause 1 of those girls came to visit from her college she was (forgive me von neuen)...like a serious 10..I mean really HOT girl...I hardly say "10"s but this one was jue astonishing...Anyway I really can't get anything going for her cause she goes away to college...At least for a few more years...ANYWAY

My point is that I really dislike my personality....At first I was getting in some could convos with EVERYONE in general...But when we all got together in a group...thats when i fade away and hardly say anything and i become dull...I'm afraid I would say something stupid and people will think its a retard or something...
Thats the main reason...and sometimes I just can't think of anything to say...I listen to what everyone else has to say. I mean when i talked to that hot babe 1 on 1...I was good..But when we all got into a group....I basically just faded away...I wanna be the center of attention and ****...in some cases...I mean 1 of my friends even like calls me nervous in front of everyone...and I hate that....


Anyway Please someone give me some good advice that I can use to help improve my personality...Remember I wanna be MYSELF, But i just wanna make MYSELF BETTER!!!!

 

[rich_uk]

if you are good 1 on 1 treat group convos as the same. pretend that you are talking specifically to one person each time... not sure if that would help?

other than that maybe some self-help confidence boosting books?

 

[Duke]

The group dynamic can be difficult for me as well, but I've done a few things that have helped me out...

When you're talking, try to make eye contact everyone in the group so that you subtly make them all feel included. When people are talking, give them direct eye contact, as well. Nod if you agree with the speaker, and be expressive with your facial expressions and body language.

If you don't know anything about the topic, feel free to ask questions as people usually love to blabber on and explain things that they're interested in. If you do know something about the topic and you have an opinion or info, let it flow. DON'T WORRY about looking stupid. Remember that "NO ONE GIVES A FUKK!!"
The reason you're having all this anxiety is largely because you feel so self-important. In the grand scheme of things, the person who criticises and analyzes you the most is YOU. Other people won't give a fukk b/c they're probably just as self-centered as you.

If you make mistakes, don't cover them up. Laugh at them. This will put people at ease. Take it easy, and remember that NOGAF.

 

[Osiris7250]

dont pay so much attention to every1s reaction, if what u say comes out stupid just laugh at it like duke said. and the only real problem is ur confidence, figure out a way were your in groups a lot and then ull become use to it.

 

[MacdaddyJr]

Practice makes perfect. Sometimes you'll be funny another time stupid. You got to try a little but don't worry so much all the time if your not. ONce you do it for a while it won't seem wierd all the time and nerve wrecking. JUST DO IT. Before I kick your ass!!
j/k
Peace

 

[Sir Lancelot]

This same thing used to happen to me a lot. It can be a bit nerve-wracking speaking out in a group, but with practice you'll be so comfortable with it that you won't even think about it anymore.

Do what I do. Just focus on having fun. If you say something stupid just laugh it off, and don't worry about what other people think of you.

 

[ShizamDaMan]

Leading a group is more difficult than talking one on one. You have to pay attention to everyone's reactions and make sure you seem like you're speaking to everyone.

You really have to be dynamic, charismatic, and interesting to lead big groups of people. Opening up with a funny story is the best way to get a groups attention. When dealing with a group, you want to be audacious. Get their attention and never let it go. I suggest you watch some stand up comedians to find out who you like. Then listen to some more of their stuff to get a feel for how they entertain groups. Then go from there.

Remember, practice makes perfect.

 

[hardwork]

You need to lighten up.

From the beginning of our talks, you've taken things way, way too seriously. You need to lighten up.

I can't write a diatribe explaining how to let things truly slide, and I'm not even going to try. Instead, I'll tell you once again that you need to be able to enjoy being by yourself. It's the mark of a great personality that it can spend time alone and yet find itself entertaining. (It helps to be able to laugh at yourself.) Really, you need to enjoy being yourself.

"How?"

Fix yourself! And look at everything as a learning opportunity. You've got to learn some time; why not learn all the time?

BE PATIENT ENOUGH WITH YOURSELF TO LET YOURSELF LEARN.

You have the same amount of time as was given to Leonardo da Vinci, Ben Franklin, Shakespeare, and the Wright brothers! It's how you use this time that counts.

Learn! but be patient enough to LET yourself learn.

Learn! but don't stop just because you've found one way that works.

Don't like your personality? Change it! Fix it! Make it what you want it to be. It'll take time and energy (you CAN'T just sit around and expect to be a different, better person!), and it WILL be a learning experience! But it's what you take from your experience that counts: You can experience a million things, but if you don't learn anything, you're no better off than if you had just stayed at home. You can do a million approaches, but if you don't learn a single damn thing, you're no better off than when you started. Just going through the motions won't get you anything.

Originally posted by WrEcKLeSS2000
...It affected me more cause 1 of those girls came to visit from her college she was (forgive me von neuen)...like a serious 10

You're not forgiven.

 

[Nocturnal]

Exactly. Von Neuen you said what I've been trying to tell this guy for a long time. Wreckless, you seem to have admitted and have shown a conscious awareness of undeveloped social skills, and it's great that you're trying to improve them. I don't want to say fix, because there's nothing WRONG with them, they're simply undeveloped, like I said.

You just need to go about your NORMAL DAILY INTERACTIONS WITH PEOPLE and make a conscious effort to have a good conversation and be social. If you do that much, your mind will do the rest, by, like Von Neuen said, learning.

The worst thing you can do is refrain from being social. The best thing you can do is try.

 

[Psycho`Sexual]

didnt feel like reading all the responses..

My advice is...there is no need to try too hard.


A common misconception about DJing is that a Dj runs around actively in hyper ADHD mode.

This is simply not true, some of the most succesful Dj's you'll encounter are going to be the quite, relaxed, smooth and SUAVE types.


In a group, just relax, chill. There is absolutely no need to be the center of attention.








Aloof. Zen.

 

[GlutusMaximus86]

Damn good advice so far. The main thing you should try and relize is that you are not giving a formal presentation that will make or break your social life, you are just hanging out with a few of your well known friends. If you say something stupid its not going to destroy your social life and force you to be a hermit for the rest of your life. Like a few other people have said, if you say something stupid just laugh it off and move on.