A huge problem with a delicate issues that's impeding my sex life

[SilverElephant]

Hi everyone, long time lurker, posting this in the mature man forums because I don't think it would get serious attention in the DJ discussion...

I have a problem with premature ejaculation. This is a tough problem to discuss. Which is why I'm here... hoping for some help or someone with the same problem.

Now, I have to add that this is really only a problem on the FIRST time I ever have sex with a girl. I basically *** after a few strokes because I have a high excitation/nervosity level. On the second run I can go "whatever" and go full-out without any problems.

This is a real problem because... well, because if you don't perform well the first time with a new girl, well, that's your reputation with her going down the drain in a few strokes. You're ridiculed.

It's starting to affect my sex life because I'm nervous about getting a girl into my bed for fear of delivering a bad performance, which only enhances the problem. It's affecting my self-confidence in interactions with women because I have the feeling I'm not up to the job - that I won't be able to show them a good time.

In my relationships this has somehow never been a problem - once I get used to sex with a girl I can last much longer.

Then I read up on the topic... apparently "premature ejaculation" is defined as a man cuming before the girl has achieved orgasm. First of all, this strikes me as a very feministic point of view and second, girls take much longer to get there. In any case, reading about the topic only deepened my insecurities.

I've read up on PC/Kegel exercises and intend to do them from now on. I've also read that wanking too often can cause this problem.

Anyone with experience on the topic? Help, tips, thoughts? (Hoping not to get ridiculed here.)

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Silver Elephant,
Common problem,when I was younger,at times I also suffered at times,from two pumps and a squirt....Put it into Google and you will get the same advice that you should receive here....But from the perspective of an Old Guy,one of the problems about aging is that you often have problems climaxing,whilst bad news for many,this is something you can look forward to....The Taoist philosophy inclines to the the thought that a Man my age should limit himself to one climax a month,some say none!....I have learnt techniques that enable me to climax without ejaculation....For you,amazingly using 1/4 a Viagra will not only stiffen your pencil but also delay coming,and for a young bloke like you enable several curtain calls...using a French Letter helps too,as well as smearing what we call Bonjella,something that deadens nerves in teething babies,onto Old Betsy.Great for reducing sensitivity in Womens nipples too.

 

[sodbuster]

hell,at your age, just tell her the first time is always quick...and tap it again in 15 minutes. nothing to worry about. even at my age.I'm good for 3 a night.

 

[speed dawg]

This is a real problem because... well, because if you don't perform well the first time with a new girl, well, that's your reputation with her going down the drain in a few strokes. You're ridiculed.

100% wrong. Get this out of your head.

 

[SilverElephant]

hell,at your age, just tell her the first time is always quick...and tap it again in 15 minutes. nothing to worry about. even at my age.I'm good for 3 a night.

I do, but... I've had some girls go all "done already?" on me. Then I say the first go is always quick because of the excitement, challenge them to get me back up "if your BJ skills are good enough", take care of them otherwise until I'm good again and then... yeah, I'm good for a while.

But STILL I get the feeling that they judge you by that first time. So I'm astonished by this:

100% wrong. Get this out of your head.

What makes you state this with such absolute certainty?

Don't get me wrong, it's very helpful to hear I'm not alone, that I can just pass it off on excitement (which it is, in any case), but still I have this image that a guy should go for 15+ minutes on the first go which any new girl to show her a great sex time because that's what will keep her around...

... maybe I've just seen too much porn.

 

[DarkShade]

First impressions are important, yes, but you need to realize the mental aspect of sex is just as important as the physical part. When it comes to lasting a long time, whether it's an exciting new girl or the 100th lay with an old fling, it's all in the mind. If you're nervous and jittery then it will come out in your performance as being inexperienced/poor. You're nervous because it's your first time with her, and since it's your first time with her, you're nervous. Break the cycle and replace nervousness with confidence. You've fvcked before, this is just a new girl. You've driven a car before, this is just a new car.

If it's a physical problem, just get yourself off an hour before and you'll have a bit more stamina built up instead of being a 2-liter of Coke with a Mentos in it

 

[Colossus]

SilverElephant-

I think this problem bothers you waayyy more than it bothers the girl. Listen, as long as this is only the first time, you're fine. Most women expect that the first time you have sex you arent going to last that long. You dont have to be this porn star dynamo that pounds away for an hour...they really dont care and ONE quick performance isnt going to matter.

Of course you could always try the ol' spank it before a date method...that might buy you some time.

 

[Sir Psycho Sexy]

You can buy condoms that are suppose to desensitize your c0ck a little. Dunno how well they work but you should check them out.

Breathing slow, slowing down your strokes to a painfully slow pace, and completely stopping when you feel you are getting too excited is your best bet. Lots of articles are out there to learn how to do these things.

askmen.com has some good articles on pre-mature

 

[thevilittletroll]

eat her out first until she has an orgasm, then bang her. even if you *** too soon, wont really matter, she's already had an orgasm. you can also try extended performance condoms. but put one on while you are eating her out. give the lube a chance to do its thing. once she orgasms, the condom should give you 15-20 mins of good pouding, maybe longer depending on how good the lube works.

 

[FairShake]

This is a real problem because... well, because if you don't perform well the first time with a new girl, well, that's your reputation with her going down the drain in a few strokes.

I will repeat what the poster said above. 100% wrong. Get it outta your head.

Do you know how many guys have the same problem sometimes? Many. Which means every woman has dealt with it many times. It's a much bigger deal to us than it is to them. If they like you, they will be back a second/third/fourth time.

Once again, you and other guys need to have some female friends to really know how common this kind of thing is. You wouldn't worry so much!

Anyway, the best way to get over it is wait until you're about to climax, pull out, hold off, then go back to it. There is a certain point that I personally used to get to that would desensitize it a bit after holding off and I really had to WORK to finish afterward. Read up on kegal exercises since this is what I would do to hold off.

 

[SilverElephant]

Thanks everyone for the input. I do feel better now, more relaxed... that will hopefully help next time...

 

[PDubb75]

I'll add in a bit, some of which has been hit on already.

SilverElephant... I was in a relationship for almost 7 years, and I noticed my stamina getting worse in the last 2 years of it. At the time I assumed it was because we were having sex a lot less often than I had been used to for 5 years. So, when we broke up last November, it took me a little bit to get over it, and then re-introduce myself into the game. It wasn't until about a month ago I was with someone else for the first time since the relationship.

I was terrified at the fact that it had been so long since I had last had sex. I thought I would blow before I even got my pants off. I mean, if going from 4-6x/week down to 2x/week made me last only 5 minutes sometimes, what the was 7 months gonna do??

So, I spent a ton of time (too much) looking into techniques on how to last longer. I did find some that worked, in my months of research.

1) Stop masturbating. You mentioned you watch a lot of porn. I'm guessing you are masturbating when you do. There is a thread on here you might have seen that discusses this, and there are different views on it. Personally, I tried to stop masturbating and I feel it helped me immensely. One of the thoughts on this is that when masturbating, you are training yourself to reach orgasm as soon as possible. So, if you can't/don't want to stop masturbating, try to train yourself to last longer. Stop before you are going to orgasm, then start up again. See how long you can make it last.

2) Kegel exercises. This is not a quick fix, as it takes time to work the muscles up, but it definitely can help.

3) BREATHE. Sir Psycho Sexy already said it, but breathing plays a big role in this. Take deep, controlled breathes and it can help you control it.

4) While you are having sex, when you feel you are about to climax, take it out and tightly wrap your fingers around your penis, just below the head. This will decrease the blood flow a bit which can decrease the need to ***. Start back up again once the feeling goes away. If you combine this with kegel exercises, it could help you last a good deal longer. Otherwise, it may just give you a bit longer.

5) And of course, use foreplay. If you can get her going well before you start having sex, it won't matter as much to her if you don't last as long.


Turns out, I was worried about it for nothing. I lasted over an hour my first time back at it, and in the ~10 times since, 35 minutes has been the shortest. At this point, no masturbating is my main thought as to why this is.

 

[TheZone]

I've heard doing a "shallow thrust" helps a lot. This means you go all the way in but you only go out 2-3 inches and then back in. You can go as fast as you can and you dont really feel like cumming. At least that's what I heard.

And come to think of it also.. pehaps "badboys' alraedy do this naturally, with their high energy levels and not caring about hurting the woman they just pound the **** away. Right? well I dont know.

Therefore then wmoen start to ASSUMe that because badboys are insensitive, that they will be insensitive in bed and then last longer. So they think badboys have got it while the rest should DIE OFF AND ROT IN HELL , DIE PAINFUL LONELY BLOODY DEATHS.

 

[PDubb75]

TheZone... you made me think of another point, and a method you can try. Women don't just like the "thrusting" part of sex. If you go all the way in, and then move it around without pulling out at all, she's going to love it. And it won't be creating friction for you, so it won't make you go as quickly. Just a thought...

(Just read that back and it sounds hilarious. But I'm serious)

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Just be ****y funny with it. Don't show her that it's sweating you. Soon you will realize that it doesn't really matter and that you will relax. Don't worry about it. Just keep getting new girls. Soon you won't even care and when that happens you won't even have those same problems.

 

[DarkShade]

TheZone... you made me think of another point, and a method you can try. Women don't just like the "thrusting" part of sex. If you go all the way in, and then move it around without pulling out at all, she's going to love it. And it won't be creating friction for you, so it won't make you go as quickly. Just a thought...

(Just read that back and it sounds hilarious. But I'm serious)

This is true. Any time a girl rides on top, she usually takes it all the way in, then just squirms around on top with little or no thrusting. Guys thrust, girls want all bases covered.

 

[joverby]

This is true. Any time a girl rides on top, she usually takes it all the way in, then just squirms around on top with little or no thrusting. Guys thrust, girls want all bases covered.

This is prob why it's a good reason to start w/ the chick on top for dudes w/ this problem. Eat her out + make her start on top and you're good.

When you want to finish go doggy style / missionary and go to town.

 

[irocknike23]

drinking helps

and dont go in with a full tank. and one thing that works for me that kinda makes sex bad for you is while your nailing her think of really disgusting things. like 90 year old grannys in a 2 piece. or imagine your whole family in the same room as you...things like that

 

[joverby]

Drinking helps A LOT...I couldn't even *** on occassion while being drunk.

But I wouldn't develop a drinking problem just to bone, would just learn to control it / use the advice we offered.

But if nothing else it would be conveinent when you're drunk.