Merry christmas everybody. I need advice for something stupid.
I had dinner with a co-worker this week. We always had "the vibe" together, talking close to each other, holding hands and stuff. I never closed the deal because I'm married and she knows it.
Anyway, after the dinner I walked her home and chatted with her a little. Laughing, touching… I moved close to her and went for the kiss. She refused with a sigh, saying under her breath "no". I stopped there, she was smiling and saying that it was nice but she knew my wife and was afraid about everything going wrong, and that we couldn't see each other anymore. I was heartbroke, but always with that small grin and "hey, no worries" attitude, like I just had asked her for the salt or something. We hugged and said goodnight.
Here's the stupid part. When we see each other I act like nothing is wrong, and so does she. The she goes about a phone call she was expecting from some guy, and how her heart was tight for him, and how she had to wait until january to see him again. My facade cracked a little, the grin quickly went sad then back to grin again.
No, NOW it's the stupid part. I got drunk yesterday and called her saying that "we need to talk". She spotted my deep voice and asked if I was crying, in which I dismissed saying "what? c'mon, I'm giving you an once in a lifetime opportunity to have 'the talk' with me". The seriousness in her voice went away with the ****iness, and she responded "ok, let's see if I can see you this monday".
Today I have a hangover, thinking "why the FCK I did that?" Really, why the fck? There's nothing I could say that could make us kiss or whatever, and looks like there's nothing I could do to look less beta. I thought to say something like "listen, we can't be friends anymore because I don't see you like that anymore, and since things will be complicated I'll be away for some time" and cut her away - which I really don't want because she's amazing but it seems the only dignified thing to do.
What else can I do? Is there a way do salvage this situation?
I had dinner with a co-worker this week. We always had "the vibe" together, talking close to each other, holding hands and stuff. I never closed the deal because I'm married and she knows it.
Anyway, after the dinner I walked her home and chatted with her a little. Laughing, touching… I moved close to her and went for the kiss. She refused with a sigh, saying under her breath "no". I stopped there, she was smiling and saying that it was nice but she knew my wife and was afraid about everything going wrong, and that we couldn't see each other anymore. I was heartbroke, but always with that small grin and "hey, no worries" attitude, like I just had asked her for the salt or something. We hugged and said goodnight.
Here's the stupid part. When we see each other I act like nothing is wrong, and so does she. The she goes about a phone call she was expecting from some guy, and how her heart was tight for him, and how she had to wait until january to see him again. My facade cracked a little, the grin quickly went sad then back to grin again.
No, NOW it's the stupid part. I got drunk yesterday and called her saying that "we need to talk". She spotted my deep voice and asked if I was crying, in which I dismissed saying "what? c'mon, I'm giving you an once in a lifetime opportunity to have 'the talk' with me". The seriousness in her voice went away with the ****iness, and she responded "ok, let's see if I can see you this monday".
Today I have a hangover, thinking "why the FCK I did that?" Really, why the fck? There's nothing I could say that could make us kiss or whatever, and looks like there's nothing I could do to look less beta. I thought to say something like "listen, we can't be friends anymore because I don't see you like that anymore, and since things will be complicated I'll be away for some time" and cut her away - which I really don't want because she's amazing but it seems the only dignified thing to do.
What else can I do? Is there a way do salvage this situation?