A Guy Asked My GF Out, but She won't Tell Me Who It is..

[Bible_Belt]

yes, other women, test her back

 

[DJDamage]

because she hides his identity, dude. and to a smaller extent, because she said "i'll think about it". yeah, even though she said that because she didn't have the nerve to reject straightly, it still makes me disappointed.

This actually makes it worse.

By not telling you, you will think every guy that is a friends of her's could be that guy.

What you need to do is evaluate not this situation per se but her entire behaviour up to date. Would you say she is a great girlfriend with consistent behaviour? or there has been problems in your relationship and if so what were they?

 

[Being_the_Don]

This actually makes it worse.

By not telling you, you will think every guy that is a friends of her's could be that guy.

What you need to do is evaluate not this situation per se but her entire behaviour up to date. Would you say she is a great girlfriend with consistent behaviour? or there has been problems in your relationship and if so what were they?

What DJDamage said is spot on. She's obviously become bored with you and has no respect for you anymore. She planted a seed in your mind. Now you'll be suspicious of every guy the two of you know. And it may not even be one of those guys but a complete stranger. It wouldn't matter, though. Because if you're worried about losing her (and it's obvious that you are) you'll let your fear and insecurity dominate all of your actions. You'll distance yourself from your guys friends, attempt to control who she talks to and behave more and more like a jealous, insecure guy. You'll have given up all control to this girl; once she has it and she'll dump you. She's on the verge of doing that anyway.

If this woman really does care about you (and I doubt it) then you will know it by putting it up front. Tell her that if she goes out with another guy then you are done with her. Period. Look her in the eyes when you tell her this. You have to be adamant about it leaving no room for doubt. If you come off as fake when you tell her this then she'll dismiss you. The way you do it with confidence is believing that you can get another girl that is better than this attention (bleep). But if you think you can't do any better, if your world revolves around this woman then, well...

You've gotten some good advice in this thread but I get the sense that you probably won't follow a word of it. So I've got a couple of questions for you: Do you really love this woman to put up with her garbage? or Are you just afraid of being alone?

 

[Fela Kuti]

An interested woman would tell you everything.

She is protecting HIM from YOU??? That's not how this works.

Aside from this, we need a lot more information.

How long have you two been together?
Did this guy ask her out 1 on 1? Or to a party or something?
Does this guy know she has a bf?

well, she's a very introvert girl, if that says anything. we've been together for about 6 months. the guy asked her 1 on 1 but it's not quiet clear yet whether he knows she has a bf or not. my gf herself doesn't know if he knows or not.

 

[Fela Kuti]

OK so last night I set this thing straight for her. I said, "it's up to you if you doesn't want to tell. just so you know, my trust level is going down now." Well, these words must've affected her as she then proceeds to tell me who the guy was. She's nearly crying when she say this like she usually do when she's telling me something she's keeping for herself. Well, maybe it's because her introvert-ness.

It turned out that the guy is the one that was in love with her last year (but nothing really happened) and now he seems to be trying his luck one more time. I said, "Well, okay. We won't talk about this problem again if you don't want to. I'll let you handle him by yourself. I know you know what is the right things to do."

How did I handle that, guys?

 

[Fela Kuti]

Now our relationship is gonna be a bit awkward, I think..

 

[ready123]

Fela, you notice every question you post on this board has to do with some kind of miscommunication between you and your girlfriend?

Unless she learns to open up without you prying or making her cry, expect situations like these to come up indefinately.

And your response was fine. It was also completely honest and common logic as well

 

[Fela Kuti]

Fela, you notice every question you post on this board always has to do with some kind of miscommunication between you and your girlfriend?

Unless she learns to open up without you prying or making her cry, expect situations like these to come up indefinitely.

I know. That's why my NUMBER ONE priority is always been to get her open up without me prying and making her cry. I'm still searching for an effective way to do this. Sigh..

 

[Fela Kuti]

I remember last night she said this: "I don't like to be an introvert like this. I wish I was an extrovert, who can say what other person wants to know without any burden."

 

[ducaro]

I remember last night she said this: "I don't like to be an introvert like this. I wish I was an extrovert, who can say what she wants without any burden."

This is strange. To me an an extrovert would say something like.. 'i'll think about it' and an introvert would not say anything at all! get the drift? Don't fall for her logic.

 

[Fela Kuti]

This is strange. To me an an extrovert would say something like.. 'i'll think about it' and an introvert would not say anything at all! get the drift? Don't fall for her logic.

well, ducaro, she's the kind of introvert who has hard times telling people her "secrets", you know. something like that.

 

[ducaro]

well, ducaro, she's the kind of introvert who has hard times telling people her "secrets", you know. something like that.

I Hope you know her better than I know most women. All The Best!

 

[Fela Kuti]

I Hope you know her better than I know most women. All The Best!

well thanks for the advice. i'll surely give it a thought

 

[aliasguy]

well, ducaro, she's the kind of introvert who has hard times telling people her "secrets", you know. something like that.

Well, I guess I'd have to remind you to consider what OTHER "secrets" she might be keeping. I'm not saying that she's necessarily running around, but I've seen this pattern before.

This is not good.

Does she ever answer "I don't remember," when you two are discussing things that have happened in her past? Has her overall past been described to you in vague terms?

This is not a time to panic --- at least she did tell you about the guy hitting on her.

But if I were you, I'd keep my antenna up.

 

[KontrollerX]

she won't tell me who it is because she doesn't want me to be suspicious of him (she said that i know of him), when it's not clear yet whether he asked her as a casual friend or more than that.

is that reasonable, guys?

Thats what my last girlfriend said before we broke up.

She didn't want to tell me who the piece of sh!t was.

Look I know its hard but just dump this b!tch already.

We've all been here in this uncomfortable ambiguous territory with a chick and...

IT NEVER ENDS WELL!!!

A person with high self esteem and options would not allow a chick he is involved with to get away with saying something like the sh!t your girlfriend said to you and still have a boyfriend in you in the morning.

Be the guy with high self esteem.

D!tch this b!tch.

Please!

 

[ready123]

let him learn through the experience. he'll learn more from hanging in the LTR and his gf standards in terms of communication will be fleshed out better

and some girls are just not open books and do have problems expressing themselves. i know it's funny because we usually can't get them to shut up but there are exceptions and just because they fall into the exception doesn't mean there's a trust issue

also fela, how would you rate your gf's self esteem?

 

[KontrollerX]

Yeah she lied about not knowing the guy's intentions.

Also dude the ex girlfriend of mine I speak of was also an introvert like your girl and she would cry when I got her to reveal to me who the piece of sh!t was.

That crying bullsh!t doesn't mean anything when its a lying woman thats doing it and your girlfriend lied to you, she outright lied to you, she was speaking with a guy who had a definite interest in her not some harmless guy new to town looking for a friend or two.

Wake up already please!

Realize that the more you forgive her and let sh!t like this slide the more she will lose respect for you and the more risks to your relationship she will take as a result.

After all in her mind you ain't gonna do anything about it.

She can leave a relationship with you on her own terms when her emotions surrounding you are settled.

 

[Fela Kuti]

OK guys, thank you so much for all of your advice, although I won't go as far as dumping her YET. You see, she wasn't interested in him last year (in fact, she rejected him 3 (THREE) times when he asked her to be his gf), so I'm not sure if she's suddenly changed her views on him now. So, if breakup isn't an option, what do you think of my final statement last night:

"Well, okay. We won't talk about this problem again if you don't want to. I'll let you handle him by yourself. I'm sure you know what is the right things to do."

 

[stand]

I think you should find another girl and dump the current girlfriend.

 

[drmeathead]

So my GF told me that a guy asked her out twice and asked my opinion about that. She told the guy that she'll think about it (this answer kinda pissed me off, although I understand that it's not clear what the guy's intention was). When I asked her who it is, she wouldn't tell me, saying that she's not sure yet whether the guy were romantically interested in her, so she won't say anything "bad" about him yet.

What should I do, guys? Thanks

tell her to hit the ****ing road.