Roober
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 2, 2016
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I'm not exactly sure how to explain this as an ideal quality in a partner (man or woman) or a term to define the behavior, so I will use an anecdote...
My brother and I stopped talking about 6 years ago. He was upset that I had talked and spent time with his exgf (and baby mama)in order to see my niece. I stubbornly took the stance that "you cant tell me who I can or cannot talk to" and "she hasn't done anything to me". He was hurt, rightfully so, and we ceased all communication. My wife at the time was okay with this decision. She took my side, obviously, and had said I had done nothing wrong. She never openly pushed me to make amends or fix the relationship. She didnt have a great relationship with my brothers current wife, so thinking back, maybe it was her way of removing that discomfort from her life?
Fast forward to 2018, and I am in a relationship with a woman who regularly pushes me to make amends with my brother. She has coached on methods to communicate, and we have talked about it quite extensively. Well, I finally reconnect with my brother and try to make up for lost time, which cant be done. We are on the right path.
So what's the point? Look for a person who is motivated by your best interests, not by their own. This got me thinking about a situation with a close friend who has a big change coming in his life, and all of his guy friends are attempting to convince him that it is a poor decision...
I have a buddy who is going through divorce and plans to move to washington in two years, leaving his kids behind with mom. His current girlfriend is okay with this situation. Does she really care about his well-being if she allows him to move away from his children and only see them during the summers? Are her actions driven by her own self-interest? If someone allows their partner to sacrifice their family, especially children, are they a positive impact to that persons life?
These are the questions you need to ask yourself in any relationship. Do you allow yourself to be influenced by others which do not have your best interests in their hearts?
As Jordan Peterson says, in relationships "you have to contend with someone. They will tell you when your being an idiot."
My brother and I stopped talking about 6 years ago. He was upset that I had talked and spent time with his exgf (and baby mama)in order to see my niece. I stubbornly took the stance that "you cant tell me who I can or cannot talk to" and "she hasn't done anything to me". He was hurt, rightfully so, and we ceased all communication. My wife at the time was okay with this decision. She took my side, obviously, and had said I had done nothing wrong. She never openly pushed me to make amends or fix the relationship. She didnt have a great relationship with my brothers current wife, so thinking back, maybe it was her way of removing that discomfort from her life?
Fast forward to 2018, and I am in a relationship with a woman who regularly pushes me to make amends with my brother. She has coached on methods to communicate, and we have talked about it quite extensively. Well, I finally reconnect with my brother and try to make up for lost time, which cant be done. We are on the right path.
So what's the point? Look for a person who is motivated by your best interests, not by their own. This got me thinking about a situation with a close friend who has a big change coming in his life, and all of his guy friends are attempting to convince him that it is a poor decision...
I have a buddy who is going through divorce and plans to move to washington in two years, leaving his kids behind with mom. His current girlfriend is okay with this situation. Does she really care about his well-being if she allows him to move away from his children and only see them during the summers? Are her actions driven by her own self-interest? If someone allows their partner to sacrifice their family, especially children, are they a positive impact to that persons life?
These are the questions you need to ask yourself in any relationship. Do you allow yourself to be influenced by others which do not have your best interests in their hearts?
As Jordan Peterson says, in relationships "you have to contend with someone. They will tell you when your being an idiot."