A Good Dilemea?

[HenBogan]

Guys,

So I am in post break-up mode, tinderising and bumblating women.... I am forcing myself to date ATM but I am just keeping myself in the game!

But I contacted one girl that I dated around 6 months ago, she was one of the plates before I met my most recent debacle, she was the last one I let fall before I went exclusive with the ex.

We went out a few days ago for drinks, she gave me hard time for dropping her, but we kissed, it was playful and the date went well.. Thing is she totally has her sh!t together, she’s got a great job, own home, she seems emotionally stable, it took me a good 8-10 dates to get her into bed. Sex was ok but I think I could push her to do some quite filthy things.

3 things stopped me moving forward with her previously…

Looks – She is a solid 6, slim, competitive runner and although I do find her attractive, she didn’t hold my gaze previously. Her style is quite casual, sneaks and jeans, but she does dress ok…

Personality – She is clever, quite tomboyish and a bit unlike a lot of women I’ve dated. She seems to keep her emotions at bay and she doesn’t seem to be too volatile. Almost practical, which threw me a little…

Male friends – She leads a local running group and has absolutely loads of male friends who she hangs out with a lot. Which is fine for her but I just didn’t want to have to deal with that.

I have to admit that I didn’t really have any red flags as we dated….

So after that wall of text; simply, how do you value looks over substance or vice versa? Or do you wait go for both?

 

[Bokanovsky]

What's the point of dating a woman you're not really attracted to? I must be missing something.

 

[HenBogan]

What's the point of dating a woman you're not really attracted to? I must be missing something.

Ha ha...

That's a good point, I do find her attractive but not like wow.

I like that she is clever and has her life together and seems quite stable.

 

[2Rocky]

Where does she fit in your life? You have to slot her as either:

1) sex partner
2) hobby friend (shared interest)
3) emotional friend
4) Work colleague
OR
5) Enemy

Sometimes women are more than one of those, and those are the LTR material ones.

 

[Epic Days]

I have found over time, that the one you want is the best manipulator. It’s a bit controversial.

Let’s reverse it. A woman has three plates. The one she goes with for the goal posts is the one that she complains to everyone about. Clearly her worst possible choice.

Now reverse it back. The one you want to go exclusive with is generally the worst choice possible. It is based entirely upon your feelings in comparison to the others. In other words, the one that is the best manipulator.

Before you play the game of wife/girlfriend you better know what you are doing and why.
As men are feminized in this day and age, and quite severely on here, the entire thread is starting off on the premise that a man chose the best manipulator. For that reason, from that moment on...it has all been a washout.

After the fact and who to date or what to do next is actually useless as it does not address the cause and underlying condition. A modern man’s drive to have a single optimum female. It’s a complete social conditioning concept.

 

[HenBogan]

So rather than start a new thread as this is part of me finding a way forward...

I now know I need a life's purpose... Mine have fallen by the way side... I now see that the Ex Gf became the most important thing...

I am just starting a journal for thoughts an ideas...

One of my first loves is golf..

I studied books and techniques for years and got to a half decent level of 11Hcp about 5 years ago... I would often help my buddies with their little issues where possible.... But I stopped playing and drifted away from the game.

Can a past time such as golf be considered a life purpose?

Other ideas are helping others, I was going to retrain as a teacher but mortgages and bills mean I can't take a dip in salary...

I could volunteer or a learn an instrument which could lead to playing locally...

Any thoughts would be welcome..